Ratings: Lisa Marie & Michael Jackson
My Rating: A 3.5. She gets such a low score because she has all this money & good looks in her genes, but STILL failed to capitalize. It is really disheartening, I tell you. Basically she’s a physical failure in her daddy’s daunting shadow. I knocked of 1.5 points for dating Michael Jackson, 1.5 points for making out with him in public and putting herself in the position to allow people to assume that she might be sleeping w/ the guy.
Now for my hypothetical: Would I sleep with her? I would have to say yes only because then I could brag to my friends that I slept with Elvis Presley’s daughter. I think that’s one of of the central reasons why a lot of stars go out with her.
Now, as for Michael Jackson. Jeez, where do I start…should I even start w/ this one? I don’t think I’m gonna start on this. All I can do is giving a rating of 1.75. He’s not a 1.25 because he’s the King of Pop & nothing is really wrong w/ the rest of his body (actually, we can’t ever be sure & I don’t really want to verify, either). BUT, keep in mind: since the face is a major part of this rating system, I had to knock off 8 points right off the bat for the scare factor. If, God forbid, I was alone in a dark room w/ Michael Jackson, I would be frightened–not because he might try to rape me (and if he did, I think I could take Michael Jackson—there are very few people in this world I can take, but I’m sure Michael is one of those few), but purely because his nose makes him look like a bloody Catman. It is almost like staring at man who was in a (really horrible) car accident and was therefore required to go through (extensive-extensive) facial reconstructive surgeries. Michael, I have all your CDs bro, but dude, what have you done to yourself?!