Posts from April 2014

My Olympic Moment

Before I start my jabbing, I want to say that my co-workers were just calculating how much they’d each walk away with if their husbands were to suddenly pass away. Only in America, I tell you. One of them would run off w/ $50k & another with $5k. Pretty sad, indeed (the $5k). The one with $5k said, ‘I’d just cremate him fo’ $795 and use the rest to go to funland w/ my byeebee.’ Dear lord, have mercy.

Meet Nikolai Karpol:
Scream, baby, Scream!

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VMA’s Celeb Glitz & Fits

Pauly, Simon & Paris
[View More Sexy Photos @ Miami Herald]

MTV VMAs is going to be competing against the Republican National Convention (snooze), so I feel sorry for all those poor kids who suffer through life w/ only 1 television. Considering there are roughly 36 million Americans living in poverty, you can bet your ass that there are plenty of houses with 1 TV. But who cares about all that, right? Let’s move to the juice…

Puffy (‘P Diddy’ is annoyingly hard to type, alright), probably seen his share of poverty, but now livin’ the high-life with his new 120 Diamond Encrusted Apple iPod from HP. He’s surely going to hell. Check out the PR (yes, a Press Release for his party—no joke) of his After-Party which includes news on his bloody iPod.

Beanie Man will not be performing “Queers Must Be Killed.” Oh shucks! I’m sure there are gonna be a lot of angry fans. [SOHH]

Do I see some White Trash (dirty) Brit’s Tongue
Here’s a nice year by year flash back of crazy events to help you figure out what craziness awaits in the near future… [Florida Sun-Sentinel]

Get this. This is how spoiled stars are:
- 1 of them wants 50 towels (apparently they don’t plan to use the bed or possibly planning on having have sex around 40-50 times)
- Another wants to only drink Kabbalah Water (Want to follow in the ways of the Kabbalah?)
- ‘Punk’ rocker Gwen Stefani only takes goat’s milk w/ her cereal (you know some worker’s gonna piss in her milk)
- Someone wants M&Ms (2 bags: peanut & plain) w/ 6 bowls in which they will separate colors. [Miami Herald]

One question remains, though. Will this man be in attendance…
DEAR LORD, GOD O’ MIGHTY!
Ok, I’m kinda grossed out now, so I’ll stop.

Lame Ducks, No. 8

The last couple weeks have been rough, but the future seems to be lookin’ even tougher! Anyway, all that will come in another post. For now, I want to introduce to you all a special person who got me watching this year’s pretty sad Olympics for a whole 40 minutes! 2 words: Logan Tom. Now for 2 photos of Ms. Tom:

The Legs!
She might look a little like Natalie Portman, but if you think about it, Natalie Portman is like 4’11″ (Ms. Tom: 6’1″), Natalie attended Haaaaaaawaaad (Ms. Tom: Staaaanfaad) & Logan Tom bloody plays Women’s Volleyball on the Olympic team! GooooOOOO Loooooowgun (Natalie: A Star Wars Manikin)!

I wish I was the Ground!
God, what I’d give to be the floor! Dear Lord, have mercy!

Ok, now that I’ve got you all excited, here are my latest lame links…

Since we’re tracking Britney’s demise, this is noteworthy news. Britney is planning to cast her soon to be ex-husband, Kevin Federline, in her new video in which she will get married. Bad idea Britney. Usually when you’re divorced to someone you once loved very much, you don’t exactly want to accidentally listen to songs in which you’re happily getting married. You’re simply setting yourself up for heavy drug use in the future & God forbid: suicidal tendencies brought upon by severe depression (knock on wood). [NY Post]

Anyone wanna go to La Tomatina with me next year? [TV New Zealand]

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Garden State, Before Sunset & Harold and Kumar

So I had a nice lazy weekend in which I sat around and did a bunch of nothing. Of course in those cases, its always best to make it a movie weekend, so I did.

Natalie Portman

1 Garden State
(directed and written by Zack Braff, the dude from scrubs, starring Zack Braff and the oh so beautiful Natalie Portman)

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MTV Real World Philly Guesses

Ok, here’s the cast and my guesses as to what these characters are gonna be like. The last Real World I watched was the one in Vegas (of course) & since then I have not seen any specials or anything else to help me make my guesses.

Shavonda
Shavonda – Very cute. For some reason she doesn’t seem like the type to have any issues, but after watching that bitch Carol (that was her name, right?), anything’s possible. One thing’s for sure though, sistahs don’t sleep around like crazy (with exception of the RW Vegas). Let’s admit it, Vegas brings brings out everyone’s horny(ier) side. Even though her native African name is deceiving, I’m getting the “black girl likes the white foo” vibes from her. Am I wrong here?

Sarah
Sarah – Definite ho of the group. She’ll be tossed around like nobody’s business. I’m guessin’ she’ll have sex at least 5 times on camera and countless times off camera. She will have the most issues, in my opinion.

Melanie
Melanie – Aaaw, she looks like Daddy’s girl. You know what that means, right?! LESBIAN! We’ll see. I say Melanie tries to have sex with Sarah, but Sarah only enjoys heterosexual bangin’ unless of course she’s piss drunk. Then she’s game for any type of sex. Enter: The Classic Threesome. This episode will peak in ratings. Oh also, she’s least likely to get booted.

Willie
A) His name is Willie
B) His shirt matches with his skin tone.
He’s the classic “let’s get the gays around the country & world to tune in & bump up our ratings” character.

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Site Drama

I’m working to change over the domain & design of the site the next few days, so I apologize if everything is not working properly.

I have a funny email interview with budding IMG model, Sessilee Lopez coming up in a week or so. The only response Sessilee needs to work on in her upcoming interviews is to never respond with “Ashlee Simpson” when asked what music she’s jammin’ to these days. Sessilee, you’re an absolutely gorgeous girl who’s probably going to succeed beyond your wildest dreams, but being a Miami girl, you gotta represent your city with better taste than Asslee Simpson! Ok-ok, I’m kidding!

Update! [8/24]
Ok! I have the basic skeleton of the site up & running (finally), so now I will get to mess things up even more with the design. But, I want to let the 2 or 3 of you who do visit (Jackson, Melissa, Gavin, Varian, etc) that our address will change on September 1, 2004 to Bastardly.com! Anyway, if you have any ideas for the design, please email them at your convenience!