Jennifer Aniston’s Predicament

Jennifer Aniston

We can bullshit all we want about the break-up, but deep down we know & understand the truth. The truth of the matter is that Brad gave Jenny the boot and for that very reason we could see a myriad of scenarios play through, but the end result will undoubtedly be a period of great depression & heavy drug use. I’m sorry, Jennifer, but that’s just how it goes in Hollywooood.

Jennifer’s Initial Reaction (3-9 Months)

1. Hit the scandalous party circuit and whore herself until one day she looks in the mirror
2. Travel abroad, away from the paparazzi, and then whore herself to the rich until she looks in the mirror
3. Hook up with some old, rich dude “who loves her and takes care of her”

Long-term Damage (1-3 years)

1. Alcoholism (most common in the poor, but very possible)
2. Drugas (weed or cocaine. Most probably cocaine since she’s loaded)
3. Crystal Meth (not really. I just think that’s a super, hardcore drug)
4. Lots of plastic surgery – This is because she’ll have a internal-character crisis
5. Anorexia/bulimia – Same reason as in No. 4.

Following one of those, she’ll resurface with either a book or movie that will most probably flop since she can’t act if her life depended on it.

We wish her luck & a safe-safe journey to superficial hell & back! YOU CAN DO IT!


31 comments
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zahara
zahara

she is so funny, love her

lyz
lyz

I cant stand this stupid, ugly bitch her smile is so ugly. I've watched friends I never found her to be cute, funny or a nice personality. She married a hot guy but hah, hah he left her ugly ass. And now the lame fake bitch is faking that it doesn't bother her, pretending she's moved on, how phony can you be? Chinnifer is ugly, talentless, fake, a looser, boring, she hates her fans, she's the most dispicable garbage in all of Holly Wood.

lyz
lyz

I dont feel one bit sorry for jen I've heard stories about people who've really known her and I've never heard anyone to say she has a nice personality. I've heard more negativity, she only played a nice character on TV and people are fooled by that. She's clearly ugly on the inside and out thats visible. And i think the whole thing with Brad means justice got served and good prevailed over evil, the devil does disguise himself to be good jennifer seems like she wears the disguise of her silly sitcom. I think people who dont like her are very smart and sence the truth we are not easily fooled!

Blondie
Blondie

Well, that song "True Love" isn't from the REAL Vince. Just the imaginary on that lives inside my head!!!! Good Luck.

Blondie
Blondie

From Vince to Jen: A song by the Drifters called "True Love". It came out around 1960, I think. Also called (If You Cry).

If you cry I think my heart would break.

That would be much more than I could take.

And if I saw a tear fall from your eye,

Darling don't you know that I would die.

True love. True Love. True love. True love.

If you cry I don't know what I'll do.

Baby cause I'm so in love with you.

And if I knew that I had caused you pain,

My tears would fall just like the rain.

True love. True love. True love. True.

moi
moi

Jennifer dodged a bullet, good for her for moving on.

Bradeginlina are classless and let's hope the UN kicks them to the curb,

like Jen did to Brad. SEEEEYAA.

Blondie
Blondie

Well, time has moved on. Jennifer has moved on. After I dedicate this song, I will move on. This is a song by Smokey Robinson, called "I Don't Blame You At All." Jennifer might listen to it sometimes, when she feels....like shooting darts at Brad, or something.

I don't blame you at all

'cause you played it cool.

You don't owe me a thing

'cause I played the fool.

No no no no.

I'm only paying the price

for a trip I took

to paradise,

'cause I looked into

a pair of eyes,

and what I thought

was a look of love.......

was only hurt in

disguise!!!!!

Too bad I didn't realize,

oh, but don't opologize,

no 'cause....

I don't blame you at all

'cause you played it cool.

I should have did it myself.

You don't owe me a thing

'cause I played the fool.

no no no no

I think it's pretty plain:

holding you would take

a ball and chain.

Every bet I made was all in vain

'cause what I thought was

an ocean of love

was just a wee drop of rain.

Too bad that it couldn't rain,

oh, but you don't have to explain,

no 'cause.....

I don't blame you at all

'cause you played it cool.

I should have did it myself.

You don't owe me a thing

'cause I played the fool.

No no no no.

I don't blame you at all

'cause you played it cool.

That's the thing to do.

You don't owe me a thing

'cause I played the fool.

I said,

what I thought was sure to last,

TOO LAST,

was just a minute instead.

Too bad that I got misled,

ah, but you don't have to hang your head,

no 'cause......

I don't blame you at all

'cause you played it cool.

I should have did it myself.

You don't owe me a thing

'cause I played the fool.

no no no no

I don't blame you at all

'cause you played it cool,

'cause that's the thing to do.

You don't owe me a thing

'cause I played the fool.

No no no no.

Markielou
Markielou

Now Angelina's is pregnant with Brad Pitt's child. I always thought they should be together ever since I heard about her a and Billy Bob, and I was never a "Friends" fan, I never understood this whole "America's-Sweetheart-Jennifer-Aniston" thingy. To me she was just a mildy cute, overrated sitcom actress and I never understood what all the fuss was about. Brad and Angie are two of the most beautiful people in the world and their kids will probably look like gods, although I don't agree with the manner they've hooked up. In this aspect, I would admit Jennifer has indeed been wronged, but I really think it was simply a clash of both actors priorities. of her chosing her then-fading career over Brad, and Brad whose running out of time choosing a family and hot romance over Jennifer.

Jennifer Aniston is at a crucial point in her career where she cannot let her name be forgotten and she obviously wants to be known as a movie star, not some has been sitcom actress and I can understand that. She is trying to strike while the iron is still hot which is why she's accepting roles left and right, and I believe once she is stable in films she will finally be able to settle and then she might be ready start a family.

Then there's Brad who was getting impatient, after 7 years he was probably bored and more than eager to start a family but with Jennifer's movie commitments, it probably didn't look like it was going to happen any time soon. Then he bumps into the much more beautiful Angelina Jolie, whose single, wants to make the world a better place, notorious for her sexy wild side, and more than willing to expand her family, totally opposite from his wife who he's been with for 7 years.

Either way I hope everything workeds out for everyone.

JBA84
JBA84

I'll change my initials =) JBA to JBA84(Its less complicated)

JBA
JBA

God only knows whether Angelina is doing the 'good deeds' for show or for the good sake.Jennifer - inclu. her dad (victor K. in days of our lives) has been entertaining.

Was Jen and Brad really in love in the first place? Is Angelina just a husband snatcher?

Will Brad leave Angelina for hotter stars in the near future??(many to mention)

Brad made the decisions remember?

Bella
Bella

Poor Jawnifer. Getting derailed and derailed each day....

Be sane
Be sane

She is a self-admitting pot-head. And a 'great actress'? Here is a sample for RUMOR HAS IT:

“Tart Jennifer Aniston up with all the side-boob shots you can get away with, and Kevin Costner and Shirley MacLaine will still blow her off the screen. They’ve got a certain weary gravity — a kind of big-screen presence this aging, anorexic TV actress can’t pull off no matter how many times she continues to embarrass herself in starring roles.�

–PHILADELPHIA WEEKLY

Both Maclaine and Koster didn't even bother posing along side with this aging TV actress at the movie premiere--too embarrassing for the Oscar winners.

esmeralda
esmeralda

Jennifer Aniston does not deserve most of the crap that she is put up with. The line of events in her life (personally) are extremely unfortunate. Being betrayed by your own husband, especially in the media's eye, is and will be devestating. Anyone to accuse her of using drugs, or at least in the future is completely niave to the fact, YOU DON'T KNOW HER! The entire scandal is biased in the first place, because the media feeds the stories how they see fit, and on Jennifer's behalf, is extremely humiliating. She is a beautiful person, a great actress, and model to many. Can't we except that?!?

Blondie
Blondie

Did you happen to hear about what Jennifer called President Bush? Real sweet LADY?

lupe
lupe

I think that you should say that about jen because she is much better that angie. At least she doesnt go around sleeping with married man?

Nancy
Nancy

I doubt she adopted a baby just to look like a good person to Brad...she's been doing these things,LONG before she even did "Mr. and Mrs. Smith".And obviously the marriage was bound to end soon enough...because if he truly DID still have feelings for Jennifer those feelings should've been strong enough to resist Angelina.

betsy
betsy

jennifer aniston was completely fucked over by brad and angelina. everyone is walking around saying what a good person angelina is and what a great humanitarian she is but don't you think her timing was a bit weird, come on you can't tell me this wasn't a plan on her part to suck brad into her life even more by adopting an AIDS infected orphan, it was the perfect way to come across as a saint after her "i don't sleep or have affairs with married men" interview with the Today show. don't get me started on the pig bastard that is brad pitt he was the person who set up picture spread in W magazine he also retains the rights so he'll make money off of them. and the fact that he was pictured with angelina and maddox less than a month after the divorce was announced shows what an asshole he is. jennifer didn't deserve this to happen to her, hell no one deserves this to happen to them on such a large scale. how humiliating for her and everyone involved. i hope nothing but the best for jennifer in the future.

jgb
jgb

shes fine shell do better

Tammy
Tammy

I think Jen Aniston is beautiful inside and out. She seems so true and like a she would be the best friend you could ask for. I think what Brad did to her is terrible. I heard on another site that now Angelina has moved into the mansion that Brad and Jen used to share and that Jen's new place is only 20 minutes away from there. I bet Jen feels so betrayed and my heart goes out to her.

jackie
jackie

thank you tammy, i do too. and it seems like people are being even mean towards her than ever before...she had her heart broken and now people are calling her ugly...makes no sense and i think she's beautiful

Tammy
Tammy

I feel bad for Jen Aniston.

jackie
jackie

not to pretend like i know what's going on in the lives of hollywood couples and not that i care that much, but i think we can all see that what happened was pretty obvious. the break up apparently happened b/c brad pitt wanted children but that's bs b/c jennifer aniston wants children. he fell in love with angelina and therefore jennifer was fucked over.

Jackie O
Jackie O

How do you know jen got fucked over? Were you there to console her or something? That's cool of you not to bash Angelina like the dumbass above did, but jumping to conclusion is the same shit.

jackie
jackie

Are you a fool? i admit that i don't like angelina jolie much, but i'm not about to bash her in the malicious way you have chosen to do so with jennifer aniston. honestly, i find it extremely pathetic. even if jennifer WAS doing drugs, brad pitt wouldn't break up with her for that reason, angelina jolie has addmitted to doing almost every drug under the sun, but i'm not about to sit here and bash angelina jolie like you've done time after time with jennifer. but seriously, give it a rest...what did she do to you...she's the one who was fucked over.

piggy
piggy

Aniston is screwed. I think she's going to go crazy and do really messed up sex stuff. I guess that's her karma for doing a show like friends and then giving dumb interviews where she seriously suggests people should live with their "friends" until their 30 or 35 "or why not as long as they feel like?" She's dippy. I bet she was pregnant with Brad's too. She's just a really selfish, spoiled, rich old maid and it's a joke that she's actually going to maybe play one in a movie too. She should be able to handle what's coming. Sink or swim Jen. The entertainment industry used her and she is seriously disconnected with the rest of the world. Brad is going to move on without her. She'll just get worse and worse the rest of her life.

Marie
Marie

Celebrities always seem to think they gotta stick together and marry eachother. That kinda limits them to ever finding true love. I see people out on the streets that look way better than most actors/actress's. The only reason they're not famous is due to wrong place wrong time. Hey Brad...I know a few 40 year old women that aren't rich or famous, but can possibly pull you out of your own fecies of fame. Hey, my mom is single, HA HA HA HA....I'm so mean.....

Moe
Moe

Yeah, it's a pity how they are all so predictably doomed.

The next in line...Catherine Zeta Jones & Michael Douglas!! IT's gonna be a rough one, but I think Michael Douglas will pull through.

Tinuviel
Tinuviel

While I never liked the pairup (Jen's a dog and, well, it doesn't matter now cos now Brad's old and wrinkly), but it's too bad they couldn't work it out. Really sucks always hearing about Hollywood marriages breaking up.

A Socialite's Life
A Socialite's Life

Star Maps Makers Furious Over Brad Pitt & Jennifer Aniston Split

A Socialite's Life has obtained and exclusive quote from Lyle Conrad, the founder and CEO of Star Maps USA. Mr. Conrad has released a statement today bashing Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston for not being able to save their marriage. Mr. Conrad was quo...

Jackson
Jackson

i hope this leads her to do playboy w/ full frontal nudity... and sex scene's in her crappy movies ala halle berry's performance in monster's ball.

kitten
kitten

Wow... Moe, did she kill your family or something?