In Touch Mag: Paris Hilton vs. Jessica Simpson

Paris vs Jessica

Who really gives a shit about this Paris hates Jessica b/c she wants Nick all to herself bullshit? Believe it or not, but this is the perfect opportunity for Nick to call it quits with Jessica. Nick better face reality quick or he’s gonna be stuck with Jessica through his (fading) prime years. Dude, get your head out of Jessica’s boney ass and smell the beautiful ladies who sit at your feet! Why stick w/ a single entree, when you feast on the buffet, baby?! This won’t last for all too long, man.

Ok, enough about useless drama. Let’s talk about the drugs.

I wanna know more about Jessica Simpson’s crack habit that Paris refers to in those Sidekick messages. I’m beginning to think those hospitalizations due to “stomach flus” are nothing more than Mr. Crack Cocaine growling inside Jessie’s 30lb bod. Jessica, like Britney, is a divorce away from OD’ing on crack. I say, after Dukes comes out & miserably flops later this year, the Nick & Jessica separation process will go into full speed. We’ll stick to our Bastardly prediction of the inevitable breakup just days before Thanksgiving dinner.

See below to read the cover story.

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19 comments
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sarah jane
sarah jane

ang pangit ni paris maganda naman si jessica

IRISH MADDOG
IRISH MADDOG

PARIS sucks, and I don't mean DICK. She is to skinny, too much into her self, Jessica need to round out that body, but is way better than

P-WHORE

nora
nora

I really like Paris Hilton I mean she is beautiful she is skinny. Jennifer Aniston is ugly and Jessica Simpson just has no talent her music is awful and as for her looks if you've ever seen the cover to the Dukes of Hazzard DVD her face actually looks all stretched out Im sorry But I notice lots of ugliness in Jessica Simpson she acts stupid she's not cute or funny I couldn't even laugh at the chicken of the sea shot I just think she has hollywood features blonde hair, smooth skin, she is skinny! But I cant figure out why shes famous her looks are really not that great shes preety boring. Nick got her famous and she divorced him for it he's just too good for that I hope he ends up with Paris.

Alana
Alana

Good one Holly!!!! hell yeah, i want some snow too!!!! !!!!

Alana
Alana

NO FUCKING WAY!!!!! damn, i thought she was all about not even drinking anymore!!! damn, woman! i dont think her proactive ISNT working, per say....but i DO know that blowing lines will DEF make your skin break out!!! oh jessica...at least paris ....well no ones surprised if she does/did it!!!

i am SHOCKED! SIMPLY SHOCKED at her outrageous display of shamless audacity! no really, i think its funny as hell!

lyz
lyz

I dont like jessica she's ugly and an awful singer i cant think of one good song by her I dont even know why she is famous.

StEr
StEr

aww jessica?! on crack?! noo!! i dont belive it she is too good for that....and paris hilton dosent need to be shot!! she made a good perfume!!! :-D i dont like her much but she does start lots of problems...maybe she just needs to go away and come back when she is actually famous for SOMETHING she doin!

Lauren
Lauren

Paris Hilton needs to be shot.

Hripsime
Hripsime

Wat the hell this is so pathetica and i think that theyre both ugly and pathetic i mean common what is this this is pathetic literally well anyways who thinks jessica is preetY:

The Bastardly
The Bastardly

[...] I say, after Dukes comes out & miserably flops later this year, the Nick & Jessica separation process will go into full speed. We’ll stick to our Bastardly prediction of the inevitable breakup just days before Thanksgiving dinner. [Bastardly Prediction of Nick & Jessica Breakup] [...]

Jacquelyn
Jacquelyn

Right now I am wishing that I lived in a country that is the equivalent of tropical paradise where the only response natives would give to this post is "Who the hell is Paris Hilton?"

miss softkore
miss softkore

my gosh gosh gosh, somebody just lighted my day!!

thank you so f....much!!!!! ahhhhhh!!! jajajajaja!!!

Nancy
Nancy

What's up with Paris wanting to be with guys from boy bands of the mid 90's?

popin
popin

wghat kscvabdh going on this day uihtrghjkdfsbvgjrdagqyhqthejygwerhytelwqgreqgtbcvxwere you it werre as good as it gets

Jackson
Jackson

Okay Holly..... you can have Angelina first but let me sign up first for this orgy in the making....well, it'd have to start w/ Jessica and Paris, minus Nick and Ashlee, but plus Lindsay and Nicky.... oh yeah, that'd be an awesome starting lineup.

Holly
Holly

Why don't they all have one huge ass orgy and get it done and over with? Whats the matter with these people!!!!!!! and if we minus Paris out of that picture, I would like to join in!!!!

michele
michele

Someone needs to remind these ladies that they're fueding over a has-been singer from a mediocre boy band.

Was there no room for In Touch to squeeze one more blonde on the cover?

farmgirl
farmgirl

WOW-Is that Paris in the 1990's pic or a DRAG queen?? Thank god she at least had the brains too give herself a makeover.