Tori Spelling Considering Crack Cocaine

The woman has lost it. Just look at her, for God’s sake.

If you thought she had nothing going for herself prior to the divorce, you’re in for a surprise. Tori’s officially inside an emotional rollercoaster & will soon ride through the normal bouts of what we like to refer to as, “Superficial Depression.”

This rare (ok, it’s not that rare) case of depression includes some or all of the following:

1. Complete, utter misery—gallons & gallons of tears will flow (b/c life is just soooo hard!)
2. Internet shopping sprees b/c you don’t want to go outside & face your friends (the paparazzi)
3. Suicidal tendencies, but fortunately 99% of those people who make such a consideration are cowards & naturally, cowards will not kill themselves.
4. Cocaine (she will start w/ sniffy-sniffy but gradually move to smokey-smokey
5. Sleeping around—to find “that person”
6. Couple more faulty marriages as a result of whoring
6. Heroin, if cocaine doesn’t cut it
7. Pills to compliment the cocaine/heroin
8. Rehab
9. More rehab after the first attempt fails
10. She’ll write a book talking about how rough her life has been (written by some random 8-5 editor, of course)
11. And lastly, an interview (probably w/ Vanity Fair) talking about the book & her rough, shitty life.

May God have mercy on you, Tori. Oh, one more thing: While you’re treading the rough waters of Superficial Depression, could you please get some plastic surgery? See you on the other side.

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40 comments
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mik
mik

Someone should do a website called 'horseface.com'.definition of butterface, though, I must admit. the bod looked good on the show.

More power to her.

It's funny, though, like when some folks in Hollywood pretended that Bill Clinton's brother could sing... they basically go along with it when rich producers kids want to be actors..

spankmesaugage
spankmesaugage

fuckin whore..hows she get such hot guys?pisses me off

Cynthia
Cynthia

So then, the four years of help helped? I hope so! Please do not try that again!

Moelicious
Moelicious

Those seem like painfully slow ways to go...

don't_label_me
don't_label_me

wow! that was surprising of me, forget I said that.

don't_label_me
don't_label_me

sry this is a little late, my methods were hanging, and cutting my wrists

Harvey
Harvey

Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of the Bastardly Goblin.

Harvey
Harvey

Note to MekongJoe: The less declarative, accusatory statements you make, the smarter you will appear; this is a wonderful illusion with many benefits for those like you who are suffering from foot-in-mouth disease.

And I have lived enough to know that I know nothing. Peace.

MekongJoe
MekongJoe

I wonder where you looked up those false utterings that would never come from you penis craving mouth e.g., "some bangin' hot chick." Your sperm leaking anal sphincter must have really puckered up as you cringed and typed, "could you touch my sexy, towel wrapped body."

Harvey
Harvey

And I have indeed served my country honorably. Go army!

Harvey
Harvey

Actually, that was from my drug-induced hippy days. If some bangin' hot chick says, "Hey cutie, could you touch my sexy, towel wrapped body and rub this freaky hair dye in my hair," you're gonna say sure. And I'm the judgmental know-it-all?

MekongJoe
MekongJoe

This is not a surprising situation as you have never served your country honorably as I have done (and spilled the blood to prove it!) and you are a girlie man hair colorer know-it-all

Harvey
Harvey

Yikes! That kind of humor is lost on me.

MekongJoe
MekongJoe

Suicide is a permanent problem to a temporary solution. If you give me two minutes with them and my trusty trench knife (six-inch blood-grooved blade; studded knuckle handle), I will help them meet the ALLAH

Harvey
Harvey

I'm not meaning to be intrusive by prying into your personal pains. It's just that earlier, we were debating which methods men and women are more likely to try. And also, I'd like to know what kind of therapy is best.

Harvey
Harvey

Thank you for furthering the point don't_label_me. By the way, labels don't bother me that much anymore; I don't try to limit someone's rights. I just consider the source and move on with my life. Speaking of which, I'm glad you've sought wellness instead of the difficult/easy escape. If you would kindly oblige me, what method of suicide and what method of help did you try?

don't_label_me
don't_label_me

wow, i must be damn brave. i tried suicide then thought better of it and spent the next 4 years of my life getting help.

Harvey
Harvey

Yeah, that's where I agree with Cynthia. They are just too sick and can't even reach out for help, most of the ones that really go through with it. I mean, it would be easier on everyone if the person just said, "two weeks from today at five-o'clock I'll be offing myself children. Any final words?" But I haven't heard of that happening. And if it did, at least it would give everyone who loved them a fighting chance of changing their minds.

Moelicious
Moelicious

But Lena, please don't take offense to the muslim comment...

Suicide bombers might think they're jihadists, but in reality, they're crippling the religion from moving forward...

Tammy
Tammy

I have seen women that commit suicide other then pills. One jumped in front of a train a few years ago. Another did it last year. A man did it the year before that. I have only seen one man commit suicide with a gun and the other suicide was the classic park the car in the garage and fall asleep. In all of these routes of suicide, their family's couldn't even see them one last time to say goodbye. It makes it harder on the family's when they don't get that chance.

Moelicious
Moelicious

ok-ok, imam. Happy?

I just think anyone would know what the hell an Imam was, that's all...

Lena
Lena

Muslims don't have priests thanks.

Harvey
Harvey

Tom Cruise will get his. Didn't you hear? Katie Holmes has the herpes! That of course implies Tom Cruise having sexual relations with a woman, so nevermind.

Cynthia
Cynthia

True, Harv, we do not want to be glorifying suicide. Statistics say that women usually choose pills or some other gentle method. Men, of coures, usually go more gruesome route!

I still fully believe that it is usually done as a last resort by a truly sick, depressed hopeless individual. Just get some help!

We still have that old problem of people thinking it is not good to get help. And then we have Tom Fucking Cruise running around yapping, which is only going ot keep that old stereotype alive....

Harvey
Harvey

Sorry to get all Oprah/Dr. Phil on everyone, you never know who reads these things.

Harvey
Harvey

I totally see your point Moe, suicide is a scary thought. I think a gun to the face is much braver (more painful and gruesome) than overdosing on sleepy time pills. It's all relative. I'm just uncomfortable with attributing courage to such an act for fear of glorifying and promoting it. Kids, suicide is cowardly. There is always hope. Get professional help and face your problems. I respect that as true bravery.

Moelicious
Moelicious

"Not existing just seems to be easier than dealing and confronting lifelong problems."

True! But to take your own life---your own fucking life---takes a lot of courage. You either have to be fucked up on coke or heroin or even brain washed by some lunatic, islamic priest, but I've always thought that was the ultimate act to committ.

Cynthia
Cynthia

....and my horse is pissed off that someone is saying that this ugly wench resembles his species!

Cynthia
Cynthia

I am not a psychiatric expert, but I think that most people who commit suicide are just plain sick and are hopeless and that is why they do such a thing. They are sick. Hold on, let me go ask Tom Cruise about it. He knows a lot about psychiatry.....

Harvey
Harvey

I wonder if Tori Spelling is secretly related to Hilary Duff.

Harvey
Harvey

Yes, it really is too much to handle. I watched my best friend go through it. And I didn't know that about Freddy. I think he had no choice but to feel that way about his dad. Whatever helps you cope, right? I'm sure it helped him score Sarah Michelle Gellar. I bet she felt so sorry for him and just wanted to take his pain away. Go Freddy! Upside to everything! That quote is quickly becoming a Harvey favorite.

Rob
Rob

I just caught the last pic. Damn, she really does resemble a horse!

Rob
Rob

Tori is very ugly. I am glad for her sake Tori's dad is wealthy.

Tammy
Tammy

Freddie Prinze Jr. says of his dad..."he is the bravest person I have ever known. I would not be brave enough to kill myself"! I think suicide is selfish and cowardly. I have seen so many families torn apart because of someone selfishly taking their own lives because they were too weak to handle whatever was upsetting them. If someone could see what these parents, siblings and their children go through...it is heartwrenching!

Harvey
Harvey

"Suicidal tendencies, but fortunately 99% of those people who make such a consideration are cowards & naturally, cowards will not kill themselves." - Moe

Funny, I always thought those who committed suicide were the biggest cowards ever. It takes more strength to face depression, adversity and a shitty life than it does to just escape it all. Not existing just seems to be easier than dealing and confronting lifelong problems. It just depends on how you look at it I guess. Like Kurt Cobain, what a fucking pussy. Millions of dollars, talent, good looks, many supporters and then he went and shot himself in the fucking face. Go figure.

Cynthia
Cynthia

Ok, I know Kim Stewart is ugly, but this chick is just as ugly! WTF?!?

Tammy
Tammy

I would definately rather be looking at the stuffed mushrooms picture then this bag of vomit. Damn you Moe!

Tammy
Tammy

I suspect that she has gone Cuckoo. I think she is wearing a uniform for a Sanitarium, either that or a jail uniform. Isn't that what they wear, orange and white stripes?