Monthly Archives: November 2005

The Bastardly Evening News – Nov. 30, 2005

Skinny, scary bitches turn their shit around. We’re happy for them.

I’m happy to report that we have a community volunteer who’s willing to take up the task of doing these links! We’ll do proper introductions once things start rollin’! A big thanks to all two of you who bothered to email. Bastards.

Have fun with these linkies!!

* Jennifer Garner is about to hit her 18th month of pregnancy. [Celebrity Baby Blog]
* Keanu Reeves is fucked up. Before it’s too late, somebody better help the poor guy. [Just Jared]
* Sienna Miller: Not only does she sleep with a manwhore every night of the week, she tries to attack members of the paparazzi. [A Socialite’s Life]
* Drunk Tara got a Boobie Upgrade just in time for the 2006 award season! Ow!! [cityrag]
* Stephen Colbert is a hilarious bastard! God daaaayum! [onegoodmove]
* Vanessa Marcil looks tired, sexed-up & worn out. Vanessa, call me for sloppy 3000s!! [Hollywood Tuna]
* Vince and J. Aniston: Officially the most boring couple. Ever. [POPSUGAR]

Here’s the full pic from above.

Miss Universe, Bastardly Style


Starting from Korea, let’s go clockwise w/ their sexy names: So-Young Kim, Renata Soñé, Nadine Njeim & Monica Spear

This is pretty damn old, so bare with me. If you would like to get a taste of all the contestants, please go to this site. There’s also one of them partying it up & many additional links over here.

I went through the list & chose a few favorites (I missed El Salvador!!!). I wish I had more scandalous pics of my top choices—you know, all of them drunk & maybe skinny-dipping or possibly wrestling in the pool of mud (naked). Ok, I’ll pause briefly to allow all you guys to absorb the last sentence.

Ok, on that note, let’s check out a few of the other women.

Christina Aguilera Is The New Maria Bratman


Pictures of Christina’s wedding in December’s OK! Magazine

I’ll probably always be Christina Aguilera’>Christina Aguilera professionally, but I’m thinking of changing some legal things and going by my middle name Maria and his last name. [SF Gate]

Christina, why are you making the inevitable divorce process even more complicated?

Before I forget, the Official Bastardly Over/Under of the number of months this marriage will last is 24 months—before Christmas, 2007! Godspeed, Mr. & Mrs. Bratman!

The Bastardly Evening News – Nov. 29, 2005

If any of you bastardly visitors are interested in heading up The Bastardly Evening News, please email! You can have creative control, damn it!

Ok with that in hand, the pic above has been collecting dust on our photo server, so I figure why not throw it in with this post. The Olsen Monkeys are still pissed-off about Paris swinging on that crazy Greek dude’s penis. I am dying to hear about a Slut vs. Monkey fight go down at one of these yuppy fashion shows. Go Monkeys!!

* Tommie’s slave child having a boy named William Oscar? What next? [Glitterati]
* Mischa’s making the ugliest mistake of her life. [Hollywood Tuna]
* Perez Hilton defines Picasso & shows off some gay-ass photos [Perez Hilton]
* Bloody Nick Lachey has remarried—already!! [Pop Sugar]
* Christopher Knight: The luckiest Brady in the world!! Damn you!!! [A Socialite’s Life]
* Ganja link of the day! We gotta head back to Costa Rica, God damn it! [cityrag]
* Kazakhstan Threatens To Sue Borat. Hilarious!! [Yeeeah]

Insect Nicole Richie: More Weight Loss Photos!!

Just what you want to see (again): A really rich girl going from looking average to resembling someone just released from a terrible concentration camp.

Unless Nicole loses another 20 pounds (and dies as a result), I promise this will be the last batch of Nicole Ritchie weight loss photos. If anyone unlocks the secret to her 10 month turn-around please do share as I’m sure many average-sized girls are dying to get to that elusive 30-50lb weight range!

2005 Monkey Festival: Real Monkeys & Olsen Monkeys!


Monkey with soft drink in Lopburi, Thailand. Funky lookin’ Olsen Monkey in NYC. Images come courtesy of Getty Images.

Here @ The Bastardly, we never pass up an opportunity to post pictures of monkeys. With the world renowned (not really) Monkey Festival in northern Thailand going on, we decided to post cool pictures from the festival in conjunction with the Olsen Monkeys!

Enjoy, fellow monkey lovers!

Body Double: Trishelle Cannatella & Michele Chagas

Ok, the similarity is not as big as I had hoped, but most of these body doubles suck ass anyway, so whatever.

Since Ms. Trishelle Cannatella played the role of the token whored-out, slutty white chick when she made her TV debut on the Real World: Las Vegas, we gotta plug another one of her great works of sexual art.

Check out a scandalous scene out of Trishelle’s Emmy Award winning (just maybe!) The Scorned: Unrated when your boss is out for lunch. Download it here (8MB).

Jackson has done well in covering Michele Chagas, so here are a couple pics of Trishelle wearing a super-short-ultra-mini-skirt. She helps to give “I’m-ready-for-sex-@-anytime,-any-place” a whole new meaning! Go Trishelle!!

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