The Bastardly Evening News – Dec. 14, 2005

ho dj

* A short list with bios and pictures (yay, boobies!!!) of the freshest Hot Chick DJs. Not to be un-p.c. but, I bet the Russian one is a total slut AND a gold digger…and it just so happens I have mad gold bullion and a magnificent member. Holla![SaveManny]

* There were 6,461 reported violent crimes in Miami in 2004. I think the citizens of Miami can now rest easy and we can expect a fucking enormous drop in crime in that city – “Big Aristotle” (wtf kinda nickname is that?) is on the job. Indeed, Shaq spent the last year training and is now a reserve officer with the Miami Police Department. I know yer dying to read all about it. [AttuSeesAll]

* Like father, like daughter. It seems (and by “seems”, I mean they have video of it) that a well-known NYC coke dealer did a little sniff, sniff, bang, bang (the penis kind, not the gun kind) with President Bush’s daughter, Jenna. Homeboy even got her ID as a souvenir of the evening spent with her. Fresh! [Radar Online]

* Ok. Simple. I know some of you cats are probably 1337 h4xx0rz and I have a mission for you. Kate Beckinsale just dropped a bomb – she does filthy webcam shows (no holes barred, I’m hoping) for her man when they are apart. Your mission is to hack that shit and get me a copy. Chop, chop…precious wanking time is a-wasting. [IDontLikeYouInThatWay]

* On the subject of celebrity sex tapes…Colin Farrell has one and Nicole Narain, the lucky recipient of the disease-coated member of Mr. Farrell, wants it released, as it would be in their “best interest”. I don’t know about that, but after seeing pics of Narain, I know it would be in my penis’ best interest if the tape were released. [AttuSeesAll]

* Jude Law best watch his back…Sienna Miller’s pops is going all 50 Cent gangsta on him, saying in an interview that if homey can’t keep his shit in his pants he’s gonna totally ice Jude. I would like to see Jude call the bluff by banging Sienna’s mom. Word. [SunOnline]


3 comments
Sort: Newest | Oldest
Jim
Jim

I want Shannon! That woman can play records at my house any day of the week.

Jim
Jim

I absolutely want Shannon! That woman can play records at my house any day of the week.

Scrumpy
Scrumpy

mmmm those twin decks are impressive :)