Cherie Roberts – A Bastardly Interview

[Now to test your entertainment knowledge]

What Hollywood guy deserves to go on a date with you?

Brad Pitt. He can bring Angelina to watch. Nah, kidding. I am in love with Justin Theroux, but I don’t think that I deserve to go on a date with him. I’m not worthy!

What TV show is your guilty pleasure?

I’m not a fan of network television, but I have gotten addicted to Lost. I did cheat the system by TIVO’ing it so that I am ripping off the network of their advertisement views. I don’t feel as bad now. I did enjoy some other horrible MTV shows like Laguna Beach, and My Sweet 16 or whatever the hell it was called. Oh, and the Bonaduce show. Wow. I love it.

How much longer do you give Britney and Kevin Federline’s marriage?

Oh geez… I wish it was over, like, yesterday. Did you know that I saw them the night of their wedding out at a club? Classy honeymoon. And she was barefoot, looked pregnant, and was being carried out of the club by one of her security guards.

What is it about Angelina Jolie that has got Brad Pitt acting like a puppy following his owner?

Hmmm… Probably those luscious lips. And tits. Nah, actually, I’d say that he really likes the fact that she is a giving person, donating time and money to less fortunate people in the world. Did you ever hear of Jennifer Aniston doing that? Hell no, and even if she did, you never heard about it so who cares.

Besides that, I heard that people on the set of that ‘Mr. and Mrs. Smith’ movie said that they were humping like rabbits in their trailers every night after filming. I think that’s justice enough.

[….and finally]

In which direction would you like to see your career go? What are some future projects we should be on the look out for? What type of updates can we expect from

I would like to become a good photographer. I hope to someday make a site of my photography that you can look out for, and as for updates on my site, same ol’ stuff. Pictures, chats, etc…

Anything you want to say to insecure and oppressed girls looking to go into this delicious career?

Mmm… Yeah. When anyone says “trust meâ€?, don’t.

So I didn’t know where to put this question but I was wondering the story behind the name “Kitana Jadeâ€?? When I hear those names the first thing that comes to mind for me is the Mortal Kombat video game.

Eh, well… I was dancing. The club I danced at didn’t let more than one girl use the same name, so all of the names that I wanted were taken (There were probably 1000 girls employed). Someone suggested I pick something with an Asian motif, and then someone suggested ‘Kitana’. I originally wanted the name ‘Jade’, and that was that.

Since we aren’t doing the interview face-to-face, what are you wearing right now?

Ha-ha. A pair of Charlie Brown underoos. They’re red, with blue trim. They’re actually of Lucy, and the butt reads “Lucyâ€?. Ha-ha. Yep, that’s it.

Lastly, any shout outs or final words to the readers? You’re done!

If you’ve read to the end of this interview, I commend you! You are truly bored! Now get back to reading celebrity gossip!

BTW, I am a great celebrity snitch. I should have one of these sites myself.