Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn: Match Made By Brad Pitt

The Bastardly Theory goes like this:

Brad Pitt wanted to get some Angelina Jolie Ass (understandable), so in order to get rid of the dead weight (J. Aniston) hanging on his balls, he signed up to Mr & Mrs Smith. Following the second day of shooting, he gets a piece of Angie (as expected). Naturally, following his first swim inside Angie, Brad loved what he tasted, so like any other heterosexual male who just had sex w/ Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt wanted more. Angie, being the woman she is, refused to give more sex unless Brad got J. Aniston & her chin out of the picture.

After being left naked in bed w/out Angelina on top of him, Brad, w/ tears rolling down his cheeks & a hard-on from hell, got on his cell phone & told J. Aniston to face reality. The exact words were, “Bitch, you got me when I was drunk one night & there’s no way in hell I should’ve been w/ you in the first place. You know that. I know that. So sign the papers that’ll arrive in the next 30 minutes. And oh yeah, I put an order for 300 “Team Aniston” Tees to jumpstart your pity campaign. My treat.”

So following the divorce, and in an attempt to keep Jenny from playing chicken on the 405, Brad had the decency to call up one of his main men in the business—Vince Vaughn, of course—to come to the rescue. Vince has plenty of experience in eating up Brad’s leftover goodies & he has a kinky fetish for depressed, rebound sex, so a relationship w/ Jenn Aniston was only what the doctor ordered.

W/ that in hand, here are more pics of Vince & Jenn. How romantic…