Easter Trend: Grab an Ugly Bikini & Head to the Beach

So yeah, our good friend TheChef (I’ve heard his special pasta sauce can bring women to orgasm1…just a rumor, though) writes,

Now normally, I absolutely love Scarlett’s look. She’s hot, down to earth and smokes the shmokey shmoke. But this picture is terrible. She still looks pretty good, but…. That bikini she’s got on is horrible. I expect better next time ScarJo. Dammit! [The Thingamablog---remember to bookmark this shiznit!]

We gotta agree. But if I was ever trapped in a room w/ both Kelly Clarkson & Scarlett Johansson, I’d run to Scarlett’s corner w/out even a second thought.

Bastardly Suggestion: Kelly Clarkson needs implants, along w/ a personal trainer. FAST!

Here are pics of both women from over the weekend…

1. Girls: TheChef is married, but he can be reached from his blog for “personal consultations.”

View All Photos ›

21 comments
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Joao
Joao

Kelly looks SUPER HOT in a bikini. She has to have the cutest face ever too.

Cassie
Cassie

I thought the first picture of Scarlett was Kirsten Dunst with implants..

Crack makes you Fast
Crack makes you Fast

Genuine sweetness is a candy bar and Napoleon Dynamite. Clarkson is beautiful to YouGuysRNuts because you are truly offensive to the sense of sight. The smell is probably an infectious virus. Keep your body covered with black cloaks and keep your vindication covered in a shroud of poor self esteem.

john
john

genuine sweetness makes me want to throw up

give me a funny, superficial, angry, hot chick

and Kelly Clarkson is a high-hatting, nasty looking, idiot.

YouGuysRNuts
YouGuysRNuts

I think both women are beautiful. But I love Kelly even more so than Scarlett. I don't think Kelly looks fat at all. You guys are getting used to Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan. I would much rather have Kelly to hold than Nicole to hurt me. I love soft curves instead of sharp bones. Personally, 70% of the women in most of the blogs today that are declared to be beautiful, in my social circle, less than 20% of them are actually beautiful to us. If you guys think she's fat, I'll take genuine sweetness over superficial looks anyday.

kittywithawhip
kittywithawhip

.......and the fact that they have so much money they don't give a rat's ass what they look like. Must be nice.

AnnClaire
AnnClaire

Scarlets body just needs muscle and kelly has the opposite problem she has muscle but a tad too much fat. I feel sorry for her those are horrible pictures of her. She looked nice and slim last year I guess she fell off the wagon. Well she's talented anyway so who cares.

nodakgirl
nodakgirl

ANY celeb snap sans airbrushing is on borrowed time before getting skewered ruthlessly here on The Bastardly!

(Meanwhile: I'd say SHOOT THE STYLIST. But I think the STYLISTS probably want to shoot their CLIENTS instead, for sneaking these ghastly bikinis behind their Montana Avenue hipster asses.)

matilde
matilde

where would these two be without airbrushing?

Nancy
Nancy

totally agree with sg

sg
sg

I'm a woman, and i think SJ's body is perfect, not too thin, not too fat

Miss Ticky
Miss Ticky

I knew SJ's left boob was smaller than her right, but that top makes it looks like the size difference is 2 cups...

Gia
Gia

they both look like regular young girls at the beach in ugly bikinis. nothing so remarkable here. i am so not impressed with scarlett. for a celebrity body & face she comes up kind of short. kelly would look much better with some sunglasses. she needs to hide her face a little more. plus would wearing a sarong kill either one of them??

Moelicious
Moelicious

Sign of kinky sex...

good for her!

aeon_flummoxed
aeon_flummoxed

Is that a cigarette burn on scarlett's stomach? She looks like a wreck, but at least it matches the bruises on her outer thigh.

john
john

come on kelvin

not gouging your eyes out is one thing

but calling these pictures "cute"

that is an affront to bunny rabbits and kittens everwhere

Kelvin
Kelvin

Actually I'm pleasantly surprised, because Kelly looks kind of cute. I was really expecting myself to gouge my eyes out but I didn't, which I suppose is an accomplishment for her of some sort.

a guy
a guy

So hot and yummy!

lilyspryte
lilyspryte

umm, isn't that the same pic of Scarlett over and over again?

john
john

when did tim robbins get a sex change?