Eva Longoria is #1 for Maxim Hot 100… again?!?!?

We know there’s no way in hell that Eva Longoria would be at the top of the Bastardly Sexiest Women 2006…unless she granted me an all-access putang pass then I might consider it…but what kind of crap is that??? #1 on Maxim Hot 100 again??? How the hell does one accomplish such a task? I’d assume that there was a lot of sexual intercourse, oral sex, and heavy petting involved. Now that’s some serious news reporting in The Bastardly Gossip Network so be sure to check out our hot list of links below!!!!

-I’d love to see how Scarlett Johansson would make it up to me if she stood me up!
-Brandon Davis, you genius! Lindsay Lohan is not black or white…but a firecrotch!!!
-As Summer Roberts would say on The OC, “Eww!!!”

-Frankie Rayder likes to go completely naked at the beach!
-In addition to Mischa Barton, good riddance that Gwyneth Paltrow didn’t make out Top 100.
-Katie Holmes and Mr. Fantastic got something in common…

-Britney Spears eats (whatever the fuck you wanna consider) “Pan-Asian” food…and doesn’t look like complete shit!…oh yeah, and the baby is pretty cute too.
-Making some reference to being gay (not like there’s anything wrong with that) would be too easy with Elijah Wood so I won’t even start to comment on what he’s been up to.
-Who would wear the pants in a relationship between Rosie O’Donnell and Tom Cruise?
-Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton…these bitches really do hate each other!?!?!

-$5,000,000 more for Maddox and Zahara to buy more toys!!!
-As long as Bruce Willis ain’t hittin it with Petra Nemcova then we gotta respect the dude for getting his at 50.
-Don’t you all remember the days when you thought of Christina Ricci you thought of 2 things: Casper and her tiggo bitties!!!

-Did you grow up in the 80′s like me and watch Transformers???
-I just remember seeing Cheryl Hines on that Celebrity Poker Showdown show…now I don’t have to imagine what’s underneath that shirt of hers.
-We were forwarded a picture of Hogwarts new girl’s uniform…

-Did you know that Christina Ricci has more tattoos than your average sailor?
-Today’s tuna comes straight from the shores of Baywatch!… it’s Gena Lee Nolin!


28 comments
CATHY R.
CATHY R.

FUCKING WHORE EVA. FUCKING SLUT EVA. FUCKING BITCH EVA. FUCKING CUNT EVA. I FUCKING HATE EVA.

XOXO
XOXO

Ohh and also, Katherine, heres a list of female celebrities who I find beautiful:

*Marilyn Monroe (shes my idol!)

*Angelina Jolie

*Nicole Richie (sooo funny and sweet)

*Gwen Stefani

*Alessandra Ambrosio (victorias secret)

*Adriana Lima (victorias secret)

*Miranda Kerr is adorable (victorias secret)

*Rachel McAddams..very pretty and seems like a sweetheart

*Patti Boyd (model from the 60's)

*Christina Milian is alright

*J.Lo. is ok as well (better than eva in my opinion)

Thats all I could think of for now..

THERE!! So that should tell ya that im not jealous of ANYBODY, in this case E.L. just because i dont find the person that pretty..That goes for everyone else on here, i'm sure

XOXO
XOXO

Katherine, PLEASE! WE ALL HAVE THE RIGHT TO OUR OPINIONS! Really, bitch, GROW UP! WTF all of the sudden people who just dont understand why Eva is rated #1 on some TRASH magazine, that means we're all of the sudden "jealous and fat?!" Let me just say, I would NEVER EVER want to look like her for all the money in the world! 1-her face is too boney, 2-I'm happy being 5'7, and 3-I'm happy having a girly voice!! Not some deep manly voice with a laugh like Roseanne Barr's! 4-I dont want a pointy hook for a nose! 5-I dont want messed up teeth.......SOOO PLEASE!! OHH AND BTW, I'M NOT OVERWEIGHT! BUT THAT SHOULDNT MATTER EITHER! ANYONE COULD BE BEAUTIFUL, NO MATTER WHAT WEIGHT THEY ARE!

Nicholas Harris
Nicholas Harris

O.K., calm down everyone. We're talking about a list of women that some bullshit magazine comes up with once a year. This is not neurosurgery or feeding the homeless or saving the world. Eva is definitely hot. Nice ass, no boobs (but I definitely prefer her small naturals to those big plastic fake ones like Pam Anderson's) amd a good smile. Number one in the world...no..definitley not. especially not two years in a row. But hey, this is what makes the world go 'round. Something for everyone. I like Latin chcks, but I prefer more curves like the beautiful Eva Mendes (not like J Lo though). There's always next year.

Bellaciao
Bellaciao

Eva is so overated!!!!! Shelooks liek shit without makeup!!!!!!!!! She is really ugly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Looks like a hamster with a horse jaw!!!!!! She has no boobs or ass!!!!!!!!! she has a stuck up mean vicious personality!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Katherine
Katherine

wow...you guys are all jealous as hell. she has a great body...unlike you fat whores who probably havent ever stepped foot in the gym. GO EVA! people are so jealous it makes me sick. cant you people ever just compliment someone? you stoop so low to criticize to make yourselves feel so much better. well say all you want...she's the one gracefully making the covers of magazines, making millions, while you sit on your fat asses and talk shit. I find it humorous, because you are all losers. What audience is this anyway? are you guys middle schoolers or something? because you sure as hell dont act like adults. grow up and get a life.

zibroutina
zibroutina

She is no doubt very sexy and very pretty but i don't hink she is a hottest . Jlo is or Salma Hayek . She has bucked teeth and she is too short to be the hottest but she is very cute no doubt just not the best ... with all the beautiful woman why her ? i guess because her show is so popular !

Nix
Nix

MEXICAN ANOREXIC BITCH.

Dee
Dee

Wow tralala, whoever that pic is of it scared me shitless

bobo
bobo

I think she's hot

lilyspryte
lilyspryte

ummmmmmmm......... I can't...... uhhh..... I don't..... uhh... what? She's only #1 again because of PR, and BITCH.......... if that woman you picked is the same as the link tralala posted, there is something seriously wrong with you......... serial killer wrong........

tralala
tralala

There is no Mexican beauty even with the slight variations.

Dave Johnson
Dave Johnson

Ya, I definately agree shes hot, when did critical turn into down right stupid?? It's becoming a trend on here....

Cherry
Cherry

I think she is gorgeous

BITCH!
BITCH!

Any typical mexican girl? First off that's a racist ass comment, everyone looks different this ugly bitch Eva looks more middle eastern then mexican. She in NO way compares to the mexican beauty Aracely Arambula. Eva is a damn nasty whore with the most annoying voice in the world and a horrible actress. She slept her way to the top.

Bastardly Reader
Bastardly Reader

Just look like any typical mexican girl...what is so special.

jae
jae

ninja....lol....i swear she really looks like a rat or a horse...i don't know what everybody sees in her...

her voice esp her laugh is soo annoying. she laughs like fran dresher (spellcheck)

ninja
ninja

looks like a drowned rat in this pic.

nora
nora

Your right matilda she has a long dog-like face and buck teeth. And she looks like she's covered with dirt I hate the way they do that just because a show is really big any ugly bitch on the show gets called hot same thing happened with Friends.

matilde
matilde

i know i've said this before, but she really looks like some sort of woodland creature to me. a badger or a raccoon or some such critter. i mean... look at her face!

real342
real342

You must have said something bad and/or mean Ashley. On this website? Shame on you!

ashley
ashley

Warning: require_once(admin.php) [function.require-once]: failed to open stream: No such file or directory in /home/bastardl/moejackson.com/page.php on line 2

Fatal error: require_once() [function.require]: Failed opening required 'admin.php' (include_path='.:/usr/local/lib/php') in /home/bastardl/moejackson.com/page.php on line 2

beth
beth

jessica is amazing but i can't say the same things about eva.she's kinda pretty but that's it.

Moose
Moose

I'm so over her and egomaniacal self worship.

Wiseman
Wiseman

Whats so special about this skinny arsed ho???? I cant tell the difference between her and jessica alba, they both appear to be irrelevant slabs of meat.

Just Passin' By
Just Passin' By

If I see another Desperate House Wife, especially her, I am going to kill someone. What is the big fascination with the media and this four-foot whore? She really must be getting around. I HATE HER. Almost as much as I hate that giant mass of cells they call Britney Spears.

“You’re a towel…”