The Bastardly Morning Report by The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Flick

I was a huge fan of that show, but I’m pretty sure that I’m not gonna blow 12 bucks watching it in the theatres. I bet there will be some losers who’ll dress up as the turtles (a la Star Wars) and show up @ the opening (set for 2007 release).

Anyway, enough about Ninja Turtles. Here are some of our favorite quotes from our friends in The Bastardly Gossip Network. The first one’s a real shocker.

Anna Nicole Smith’s longtime shady lawyer, Howard K. Stern, went on Larry King this evening and revealed he is the true father of her baby.

- Michael K @ Dlisted

The one where she’s an attention whore. The one where she has to go to London because America hates her. The one where she dances around on stage with another blonde tranny in front of a big sparkly curtain and calls it art.

- Todd @ IDLYITW talking about Ass doing theatre work in London

That is, Lindsay is trying to make both her ex-boyfriend, Harry Morton, and her arch-nemesis, Paris Hilton, jealous by getting “bizzay” with Stavros Niarchos, Paris’ ex.

- King Ego @ Egotastic

Some of the “symptoms of intoxication” probably included Paris falling out of the car, taking her clothes off and trying give the arresting officer a blowjob in some kind of Pavlovian response to the dash mounted police camera.

- Mr. Southern @ Fatback and Collards

This has to be one of weirdest casting rumours I’ve ever heard: Katie Holmes is set to play Victoria Beckham in a movie based on David Beckhams’ life. First off, who wants to see a bio pic on Beckham? And second of all… Katie Holmes?

- Chicaholic @ The Popoholic

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Holy crap! They are doing an animated Ninja Turtles movie? I must admit I was obsessed with the Ninja Turtles back in the day..... but I wont see any new movie about them..... don't mess up a good thing by trying to make it cool to the new generation.... they just wont understand...... tsk tsk.


This stuff is gay now.