The world mourns as Paris Hilton & Doug Reinhardt go their separate ways to battle with painful emotions that follow any tragic breakup. Getting teary-eyed yet? Since we have nothing better to do, we covered the couple’s relationship over the past 12-16 weeks (sounds much longer than 3-4 months) as they enjoyed endless amounts of STD-infested sex inside luxury hotels around the globe.
So, now what?
Well, Paris will settle with yet another guy following a few weeks of “I’m single, again” one night stands with dudes she meets at her scheduled events or at after-parties or while getting gas or coffee—pretty much, wherever & whenever she feels like it.
As for Doug Reinhardt, it’s a bit tricky. He’s now in a special category of guys: Guys Who Have Fucked Paris Hilton. These are all guys we’ll probably never hear about again, but you can bet your ass he’s getting ass each night of the week. As a member of this special club, a few items are automatically assumed:
A. He’s carrying the latest in celebrity STD technology.
B. He can never sleep with the likes of Angelina, Charlize, Alessandra, etc, etc—basically the respectable, famous women of our day.
C. He can always sleep w/ the slutty whores of society—yes, all those beautiful girls who worship Paris Hilton (read her books, wear her perfume), love drunken sex, previously gave blow jobs on the school bus when in high school, currently give blow jobs inside club restrooms, etc, etc.
So yeah, if you think Doug Reinhardt is gonna be a lonely man, think again. That dude has easy access to all the slutty bitches us normal guys think are totally hot, but would never consider touching b/c of one reason or another (she might be a prostitute, afraid of getting STDs, terrified of getting our penis chopped off following initial entry, or simply, don’t have the balls to make the first move). Doug won’t have to worry about making a move w/ the slutty bitches of society b/c they’ll be throwing themselves at him—with legs spread eagle.