Monthly Archives: March 2012

Mirror Mirror: Film Review

Like all things crafted by wicked witches, this too doesn’t go according to plan.

The one adjective that kept popping into my head as the film played out in front of me was “serviceable”. The film does nothing more than pay adequate service to the story of Snow White: we have a fair princess, a wicked queen, a handsome prince, and seven dwarves who for some reason have been cast as a band of merry thieves. The ingredients are all there, but the result is decidedly less than savory. Check, please!

The main problem is that the film is too cheeky for its own good. It’s too camp and too showy for no apparent reason. For example, instead of seeing the Evil Queen spend her time plotting the murder of Snow White, she is shown as a vain fool who spends her days getting facials with parrot poop. Wonk wonk.

I guess it’s supposed to be funny. I guess we’re supposed to not find the Evil Queen especially terrifying. I guess the execution of the film was conceived in one giant cesspool of “I guess”.


And then there is the reframing of the story: gone is the original tale of two women whose rivalry is invariably one-sided. Now we have a love triangle where an aging queen latches on to the handsome prince purely for the purpose of cloaking her own emotional insecurities. The prince is, of course, distracted by Snow White’s charms and the fair princess is herself . . . well, fairly lost. The final nail in the film’s coffin is its pathetically weak reimagining of the role of Snow White. She is conceived with such little agency that ultimately she becomes purely incidental to her own story.

Really, writers? That’s the best you could do? Have you even read the source material?

The actors do their best with what they are given, especially Roberts who make vainglorious effort to play the Evil Queen in a way we’ve never seen her before. The tragedy is that the performance could have worked in a better film with stronger characterizations. Unfortunately for Roberts, she’s reduced to playing camp in what feels like an overwrought school play, replete with cheesy sets, costumes, et al.

Will the film be a hit? I have no idea. All I know is that it made me long for the original Disney classic from 1937. That is a story worth telling.

Katrina Bowden at the Premiere of “American Reunion” at Caesar’s Palace

Photo Credit: Splash News Online

Katrina Bowden made a splash last night at Caesar’s Palace’s Pure Nightclub in Las Vegas where the premiere of American Reunion was held. Bowden looked very un-American Pie in a sleek pink dress that had “tulip” written all over it. Much to her relief, Stifler was nowhere in sight to steal yet another scene from the cast of American Pie.

Photo Credit: WENN

Marquee – The Star Sydney Nightclub Launch Party Looked Deliciously Fun! OW!!

Photo Credit: Splash News Online; Bauer-Griffin
Pictured: Chris Joannou and Laura Csortan; Ashlee Simpson & Minka Kelly; Nick & Vanessa Lachey

If you were anybody remotely famous & hot in Sydney last night, you were probably at the big launch party for the city’s newest nightclub, Marquee – The Star! Again, as we mentioned earlier, roughly a 1000 celebrities (we use that word very liberally) were packed inside the joint and everyone enjoyed beats courtesy of DJs Afrojack & RedFoo of LMFAO. According to the club’s official website is set to perform tonight, so that’s definitely worth a trip in itself (if you’re already in Sydney, of course). For those of you in Sydney or planning a trip to the beautiful city, the new nightclub commands expansive views of Sydney Harbour and the city’s famous skyline. With three lavish rooms, great beats to compliment all the expensive booze, this is definitely the place to hit if you’re a sugar daddy looking to score one of Sydney’s hottest chicks.
Photo Credit: Splash News Online; Bauer-Griffin
Pictured: Nikki Phillips, Erika Heynatz, Sharni Vinson, Abbie Cornish

Photo Credit: Splash News Online; Bauer-Griffin
Pictured: Paris Hilton, Alyce Crawford, Joe Jonas, & Isabel Lucas

Justin Bieber’s $6 Million Home in Calabasas; Not Too Impressed.

Photo Credit: Splash News Online

Obviously this is an awesome pad & I’d kill to even live inside the pool house, but I feel like Justin Bieber could’ve done a little better in terms of scoring far more privacy, parking space for more cars, and at the least a winding driveway. This simply looks like a nice, big house in a neighborhood full of many other nice, big houses.

Then again, maybe his goal was to bag an unassuming house & attempt to live a normal neighborhood life? Think again, J.Beebs. You gave up your independence when you uploaded those cute YouTube videos & struck fame gold, so privacy should’ve been the name of the game. It’s also possible that this house is merely a decoy & Justin actually lives somewhere else in Los Angeles, but that’s doubtful. Sure he’s loaded, but I feel like he’s just a product that’s owned by deep-pocketed music execs who ultimately end up taking a sizable cut of the revenues Justin generates. It’s sad, but probably true.
Photo Credit: Splash News Online

Why Do Jennifer Nicole Lee BIkini Pics Always Make Me Feel Dirty?

Photo Credit: Splash News Online

Ok, I shouldn’t limit the dirty & creepy feelings to just bikini pics b/c when she’s out & about in her various prostitute dresses, I also get those same exact feelings. You be the judge >>

These latest pics were snapped yesterday afternoon as fitness expert Jennifer Nicole Lee showed off her bikini body while running around Miami Beach. She even did what every other attention-craving chick on the beach does: She cooled off w/ an extremely erotic outdoor shower. I’m pretty sure at least a couple old dudes nearby suffered minor heart attacks & wet their diapers.

Katy Perry, David Beckham & Adidas Bring The Weekend Links!

Photo Credit: Splash News Online
Katy Perry and David Beckham model new Adidas ClimaCool gear. The Climacool Seduction running shoe has a 360-degree ventilation to help you look hot & while feeling cool and sweat-free.

– Stacy Keibler Lingerie Pictures [HollywoodTuna]
– Chris Brown Tweets Support For Trayvon Martin. Oh, Goddammit… [The Superficial]
– Hot Harry’s Family Friday [Lainey’s Gossip]
– Best Dressed Women in Hip-Hop [Ranker]
– Lindsay Lohan will be allowed into Canada to work on ‘Liz & Dick’: WTF, Canada? [Celebitchy]
– Jessica Alba Proves Once Again That She’s A Ridiculously Sexy Mom [Popoholic]
– The 20 Hottest Photos of Gabriela Rabelo [Heavy]
– Sup, Kate? [IDonLikeYouInThatWay]

– Kris Humphries Wants To Know How Much His 72-Day Marriage Made [PHOTOS] [Socialite Life]
– From Selling McMuffins To Selling Her McMuffin [Dlisted]
– MTV Supplies Budget Dentures to its Jersey Shore Cast, Thought You Knew [Evil Beet]
– The 25 Sexiest Complex Photo Shoots [Complex]
– Camila Alves Shows Off Her New Bags [I’m Not Obsessed]
– Adam Sandler might be pregnant [Celebslam]

– Christina Hendricks Fat Titties in Easy Living Magazine of the Day [Drunken Stepfather, NSFW]
– Hey Ladies: Be Better at Sex, Dummies! [Jezebel]
– Mirror Mirror Review: Julia Roberts Ditches The “America’s Sweetheart” Act And Embraces Her Inner B*tchy Queen
– Top 10 Sexy Kim Kardashian GIFs [Celeb Jihad]
– What’s a BJ Worth, Sleeping with a Female Professor, and Desperation Sex [BroBible]

– Jon Bon Jovi Is Struggling [The Blemish]
– Who is good enough for Nora Charles? [Lainey’s Gossip]
– Miley Cyrus’ Tight Little Yoga Body [HollywoodTuna]
– I Hope Courtney Stodden’s Using The Proper SPF [The Superficial]
– Scarlett Johansson’s New Stunningly Hot “Avengers” Promo Photos [Popoholic]

– ‘Moonstruck’ Screenwriter Accused of Forcing Violent Sex with Actress Amanda Jencsick [Yeeeah!]
– Zahia Dehar Flashes Her Unknown Boobage [The Grumpiest]
– Once Again, There’s Always A Blonde In The Back Saying It All With An Eye Roll [Dlisted]

– Are you a Bastardly Lady of the Day? [The Bastardly]
Photo Credit: Splash News Online

Ashlee Simpson & Minka Kelly Enjoy Sydney; Hit Marquee Club Opening w/ Wilmer.

Photo Credit: INF Photo; Ashlee Simpson & Minka Kelly

Minka Kelly & Ashlee Simpson were spotted doing some luxury shopping along Oxfor Street in Paddington, Sydney as both ladies are in town for some “work” & play. The “work” portion of the trip came into the picture when Minka & Ashlee dolled up to hit a the exclusive launch party of Sydney’s hottest new nightclub, Marquee – The Star.

The opening was seriously VIP in ever sense when you take into account that over a 1000 celebrities (we use that word very liberally) were invited including live performances by DJs Afrojack & RedFoo of LMFAO. According to official sources, the Marquee commands expansive views of Sydney harbour and the city skyline. With three lavish rooms, great beats to compliment all the expensive booze, this is definitely the place to hit if you’re a sugar daddy looking to score one of Sydney’s finest (by ‘finest’ we mean finest pieces of ass).

Minka’s hush-hush boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama was also in attendance, but there were weren’t photographed together during the arrivals. What’s up with being so secretive?! Everyone knows both Minka & Wilmer like to fuck around, so it’s all good!
Photo Credit: Splash News Online; Pictured: Ashlee Simpson, Minka Kelly; Wilmer Valderamma

TA-DAAAYUMM! Miranda Kerr & Candice Swanepoel Pimp The 2012 SWIM Collection

Photo Credit: WENN; Pictured: Candice Swanepoel & Miranda Kerr

Don’t you absolutely love summer? As if this week didn’t already kick a lot of ass in terms of delicious content, Miranda Kerr & Candice Swanepoel actually scored a promotional gig together! The two Victoria’s Secret Angels were on hand at the Thompson Hotel in Beverly Hills yesterday afternoon (Thursday, March 29) to celebrate Victoria’s Secret 2012 SWIM Collection. For those of you signed up for the catalog, you should’ve already received it in the mail.

Since there’s not much you say when the photos can do all the necessary dirty talking, we’ll leave you guys w/ a Sexy Legs Matchup. Although I think it’s fairly obvious who has the juicier pair of sticks, I’ll still leave it up to the masses to decide.
Photo Credit: WENN; Pictured: Candice Swanepoel & Miranda Kerr
Photo Credit: WENN; Pictured: Candice Swanepoel & Miranda Kerr

n[bm-widgetbox id=”e38428ef-b45d-4a2d-82c8-2dec4995e166″]n

Say Hello To Zaira Nara: Argentine Tennis Player Juan Monaco’s Girlfriend

Photo Credit: Splash News Online

Very few of you guys will probably remember that the only other time we posted Argentinean model Zaira Nara was when she was dating Uruguayan soccer star Diego Forlan. The couple were spotted cruising around South Beach last July.
Photo Credit: FAME Pictures; Splash News Online (far left pic); See more from this set!

I guess Zaira Nara got tired of going back & forth between Buenos Aires & Montevideo, Uruguay b/c she has since moved her services to Argentinean tennis phenom Juan Monaco. She was seen cheering for her man from the stands as Juan literally ass-raped American Mardy Fish in straight sets yesterday afternoon at the Sony Ericsson Open. Juan’s semi-final match against #1-ranked Novak Djokovic probably won’t be as easy later this evening (watch on ESPN2 @ 7PM).

Brooklyn Decker & Taylor Kitsch: “Battleship” Photocall in Madrid

Photo Credit: Splash News Online
Pictured: Peter Berg, Brooklyn Decker, & Taylor Kitsch.

With the amount of press this movie is getting in Europe, we should note that the release US release for “Battleship” is scheduled for May 18. The UK & EU release date is April 11, so I’m kinda shocked that there’s more than a month between both releases.

I really wanna say this movie is an automatic home run for the producers, but at the end of the day, it’s a $200 million dollar mega-gamble. Since we usually suck at making these calls, we’re pretty sure “Battleship” will go on to make $3 billion in worldwide sales. On paper, it’s very difficult for us to see this working. You can’t simply say, “Oh, ‘Transformers’ hit it out of the park, so why not make a movie about another Hasbro game & earn the same amount of cash?’ I have a feeling this movie might finally be the straw that broke the camel’s back in terms of over-the-top, big-screen, CGI fuck-fests that usually attack the theaters around spring/early-summer. For the studio’s sake, let’s hope we’re wrong…

Here’s more juice about the film:

In the Hawaiian Islands, an international naval fleet at Pearl Harbor engage in a dynamic and intense battle against an alien species known as “The Regents”. The aliens come to planet Earth on a mission to build a power source in the ocean. Upon their visit, they come in contact with the naval fleet. The film is also purported to show both sides of the story, from the aliens’ perspective, as well as the humans’ so the audience knows exactly where the opponent’s ships are.[3][Source]

1 2 3 37