Author Archives: Moe

3 Movies & A Beat Down

The last week has been rough. Real rough, I tell you. I fell so damn sick that I needed to have a 2 lb. bag of ice on my face to help contain my raging fever that was about to take my life. Thankfully, I’m still alive to make this worthless update.

With all my sickness, I had the chance to watch 3 flicks; two in the theatre & one in my living room. I am one of those people who simply cannot lie on my back for more than 2 hrs—unless of course I have some horrible disability (god forbid). Let’s just say the movies in the theater were a bad decision.

First for the flicks. Bourne Supremacy was a pretty sweet one, even though I had not read the books or watched the first movie. Although I must admit, I had a killer headache by the end of it (this headache was the culmination of 3 elements: my pathetic 3rd row seats, my impending sickness & the fucking director’s damn shaky hands when he filmed all 1:48 minutes of the film). Seriously, the action scenes were totally of the IMPLIED type. Take for example your typical Bourne Supremacy car chase. The only way you’ll know it’s a car chase is not because of the chase scene that lasts around 10 minutes, but because of the two stationary cars you see in the first 10 seconds of the scene BEFORE the cars start their chase routine. The rest of the 9:50 seconds was just the camera man playing hot potato with the bloody camera b/c only God knows what was going on. So yes, by the end of the movie, my neck, eyes & head were in great pain. It’s possible this is why the movie is only about to break even after earning around $98mil as of last Sunday. I’m sure it will go on to make millions more.

Anchorman came next. It was a’right. That Rick guy could have been omitted from the movie. I didn’t know if I had lost my sense of humor or if simply the guy wasn’t funny? I’m hoping for the latter. BUT, I have to admit that there were specific parts of the movie that were damn hilarious—especially the scene in which Will Ferrell had a hard on when he was asking her out. Also, the Achormen fight scene was crazy! Haha. Classic, I swear. I have a sick sense of humor, ok.

Tupac: Resurrection. By far, this was the most educational of the three. I was more than impressed at the amount of shit I didn’t know about the man. It’s too bad I was in lala land when this movie released in the theaters. We all know that Tupac Shakur was (is?) the man, but his great Theory of Thug Life has one flaw (in my opinion): the choice of the word, ‘Thug.’ I was thinking about it and I concluded that if he chose a word that was more socially acceptable, today, he would be hailed a hero in all areas of society from gangsta to politics. But then again, Thug Life was not intended for the rich politicians (it would have helped his cause if they could relate to Thug Life too, though). It was intended for the underdogs of society, right? The beggars, homeless, the thieves, drug dealers, the pimps, hos, etc, etc. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s unfortunate that Tupac is misunderstood by the Jessie Jacksons & Al Sharptons of the world. They are all revolutionaries—just from different time periods.

New Showgirls V.I.P. Edition DVD

Yes, boys & girls, it’s all true! If you missed out on the first Showgirls DVD release, you can grab the V.I.P. Edition!
Your Sinful Contents include:
-DVD Loaded with special features
-Set of Showgirls shot glasses – Good for those lonely nights.
-“Pin the pasties on the showgirl” game, with poster, pasties and blindfold
-Deck of Showgirls playing cards
-6 Photo cards with party games
-“The greatest movie ever made” a commentary by David Schmader, with video commentary on the strip-club dance scene
-LapDance Tutorial – Good for all you newbies
-“A Showgirl diary”
-Trivia Track
-Original theratrical trailer

World Coming To An End!

Ashlee Cheapin’ Her way to the Top!
All hell is breaking loose. Ashlee’s album is number #1 on Billboard’s Top 200. I don’t agree w/ her cheap tactics in clawing her way to the top. Have pity on America’s entertainment future, Asslee. Be a one-hit-wonder!

Paris eying the Carter Family
Paris is trying to sleep w/ every Carter male (or female depending on mood & sobriety). Paris, Jackson & I are older than you & won’t give you acne! Email us.

Anonova writes, “Paris Hilton has left a permanent impression on her popstar ex-boyfriend Nick Carter…. a tattoo of her name on his wrist.
Paris and Backstreet Boy Nick got tattoos together three weeks before their July 22 break-up, People magazine reports.
Carter wouldn’t say what Hilton had tattooed, but the popstar says he’s harbouring no regrets about the untimely ink: “No (I don’t regret it) because I love her. She’ll have a place in my heart, always.””

I’m sure he regrets it.

Crush-Less Week?

Melissa, were you too busy to have a crush this week or are you having trouble deciding? Give us some choices & we may be able to help.

Well, the week isn’t over yet, so we remain anxious…

I’m sick & at home all day laying on my damn couch. Doctor said, “you need some rest, son. Have people cater to you for the next week.” What the hell?! It’s not like I exert a tremendous amount of energy sitting on my ass all day @ work.

Crush of the week #3

So who is my crush of the week? This week I decided to feature a man that truly epitomizes HOTNESS. He couldn’t possibly be a crush of the week for Crushes come and go. No my fellow readers this man is on my list of the 5 hottest guys in the whole world. He is a memeber of the elite class of men that tantalize me everyday of my exsistance. Perhaps one day you may find out all 5 … but for now I give you the object of my affection for the last 20 years of my life.

The first time I set my eyes on him was in 1987 on a very famous 80’s hit show.

Lame Ducks #3

I’m getting real tired of looking at Bush’s face on a woman’s body, so I’m forced to put out my list of links.

Real Networks hacks the iPod & iTunes (finally). Let the litigation begin! [WSJ]

Halle Berry’s ‘Catwoman’ has earned around $18.5mil as of July, 26th. Certain unlucky parties shelled out around $135 to produce and market the movie. Halle, if you need a shoulder to cry on, please email me. My shoulder & other body parts are at your service. ok-ok, I’m sorry. The joke was calling me out! [Box Office Mojo]

Why do the Chinese people die when they’re around 110? It’s that bastard oolong tea, damn it! [WebMD]

Are you one of those people who don’t want to die from a severe stroke? ‘Eat fish,’ says the exciting Stroke Journal! [Stroke]

This one is for all you people doing the carb diet. You could be counting your carbs incorrectly (like anyone cares…). [WSJ]

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