Author Archives: Moe

Bloody Gas Prices

I know it’s probably cheaper here than anywhere else in the States, but it’s really upsetting. Gas prices in the South have gone from an average of $1.30 to $1.95 in a matter of 2 months! If this won’t contribute to deflation then I have no clue what will. I used to go and have ice-cream @ Marble Slab or hit up B&N for their mags or get some coffee at a local coffee joint, but I have to tame my trips down a bit now that the prices are slowly inching up each day to record levels.

I drive a small Mitsubishi Mirage, so I might be complaining a little too much, but I see all these people in their huge ass SUVs and wonder what it feels like to literally pay up their asses for 40 gallons once or, God forbid, twice a week. You know the thought of selling their Money Guzzler and buying a humble Civic crosses their mind as they stand there painfully watching the meter race up to $60 or $80 per fill-up. God, it is a sad-sad reality, but I think those people who can afford SUVs can most probably maintain them, as well (at least, I hope they can).

Anyway, weekend is going to be pretty boring. Doing a BBQ today for a party later tonight. It’s never fun doing a bloody BBQ when it’s 95 degrees & humid outside.

Oh one last thing. There is a new “Print” link next to Comments under each post. Now you can actually print our wonderful posts and save it to read later when you’re on the bus, the sub, or the airplane & having having trouble going to sleep. I’m trying to get an E-Mail link going as well, but first have to work through a few bugs.

Ratings: Lisa Marie & Michael Jackson

You knew this rating was on its way. Yes, they both were together, but it was only for the public to see. I doubt they had any deeper relationship than that (at least, I hope to God they didn’t).

Dear lord, have mercy!Lisa Marie is a very special case. She was hot leading up to her adult life, but as she got older, she kept enjoying the fruits of her daddy’s millions. Those fruits went straight to her stomach, face, neck, ass, you name it! Lisa needs to get her daddy’s checkbook out and do the following:

– give one check to a hired nutritionist- one check to a bloody personal trainer–actually maybe hire two. One to train her and one to follow her around and make sure she’s not binging on 5lb steaks- plastic surgery is always an option in my book. Especially if you are the daughter of the King of Rock n’ Roll & have access to his millions. I would suggest getting fat suctioned out of her cheeks, arms, waste, ass, thighs and every other body part to bring her back to what she looked like when she was 25. How old is she now, anyway? 40?! Who knows. But she looks real beat up for her age–whatever it happens to be. *

Ratings – Macy Gray & Kimberly Locke

Beauty Definitely not UnLockedIn order to form an appropriate & consistent rating system of really bad & good looking individuals, I’m posting up two people Jackson mentioned in his Diana v. Fantasia post.

On a scale from 1-10, 10 being a person that I have yet to see in any industry or country in all my travels & thankfully, I have yet to see any 1s (but I’m sure the other authors can speak for themselves). I Think I have seen many 8s walking around, but 9s and 10s are close to impossible, my friends. Anyway, here are some 2s-2.5s. I’ll try to get a photo of a 1, so you can see the absolute worst in physical appearance. *

Letter from a Boy

Title of Letter: “Thou Shalt Do No Murder.”

To M. Herman Sneiders, Commandant of the National Guard of the Midelburg district.

Dear Sir,— Last week I received a document ordering me to appear at the municipal office to be, according to the law, enlisted in the National Guard. As you probably noticed, I did not appear, and this letter is to inform you, plainly and without equivocation, that I do not intend to appear before the commission. I know well that I am taking a heavy responsibility, that you have the right to punish me, and that you will not fail to use this right. But that does not frighten me. The reasons which lead me to this passive resistance seem to me strong enough to outweigh the responsibility I take.

Office Guilt

Office guilt is when all these people try to sell you crap (things ranging from boxes of chocolates to magazines to bloody, useless wrapping paper!) and you have to use new excuses each time to turn them down. The guilt that follows this act is ‘Office Guilt.’

Seriously, it’s like every day some woman will walk into my 6×6 rat hole and make their sales pitch. This pitch is sometimes longer than necessary and at other times a blatant attempt to steal your money from your wallet w/ no remorse.*

A-boo-boo Ga-Ga-rub

You would think the guy could at least learn to say the two words on everyone’s mind these days. Nevertheless, Bush’s Feel Good Speech #1 of many was entertainment until 10 mins into it, I decided to go outside and water my roses. You cannot listen to that crap too much because it starts to grow on you. It is made that way by design. You cannot listen to the same people who are helping to fan the flames of hate (yes, that’s a bad bad line) explain to you the state of a conflict gone awry. If you live on another planet and rarely watch TV, listen to the radio, read the newspapers or surf the web, then I really think you would’ve been vulnerable in believing that things are fine and dandy over there & America is very close to becoming more secure than it was on the morning of 9/11/01. Just look at some of the statements he made…

SUPER SIZE ME

For all that I live for, after I watched this movie … I will NEVER, or more importantly try really hard not to … eat fast food again. I would have to say that only on the ocassional munchie run or “I need to eat or I’ll yak” kinda situations will be the only reason I eat fast food.

Working a biopharmaceutical company that develops drugs for heart disease, I can see why the sudden interest in developing drugs for type II diabetes or finding the infinite fat blocker so to speak. America is straight OBESE!!! At least I know I have job security. If you haven’t heard, obesity has pretty much passed smoking as the major killer of people these days.

If you haven’t heard of it, its a movie about this guy who eats McDonalds 3 meals a day, everyday for a month. Yeah thats right a month. He starts out as a completely healthy guy. I really recommend this movie. I had a headache through the whole thing, and I think it gave me gas!!! Man … I don’t even feel like eating for the rest of the month. Anyway, its a great movie. If your diet is based on fast food, I recommend you either 1) watch the movie so you know what you are doing to your body or 2) don’t watch the movie and die of a fatty liver.

I really interesting point one of the guys made in the film was … people get heckled for smoking all the time, like “why do you smoke, do you know what you are doing to your body?” but its not ok to heckle an obese person cause its not PC, when in actuality, that obese person is doing the same amount of harm to their body as the smoking person. Hmmmmm. (and yes by the way, I have stopped smoking since january)

One word … GROOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

My Weak Bladder

At first I thought I had diabetes (I read somewhere that exessive urination is a common (early) symptom of diabetes–right?!), but that test came back negative (thank god). So I’m still wondering why I am forced to dash to the restroom 5-6 times a day–this is just while I’m at work, God damn it!

First, my liquid intakes include:
-1 cup of milk in the morning
-1 cup of coffee at 9:30
-1 glass of water @ around 1 (the cup is the same size as the coffee cup)
-1 cup of coffee at 2:30

I’ve already had 1 cup of coffee this morning and have used the restroom twice already. [Yes, I understand it’s pretty sad how I am currently writing about my peeing habits.] So, is there any cure? Stop drinking coffee? Ya, right. I’d literally die at work. You see, I don’t sleep much at night because I cannot sleep more than 5-6 hours, so I typically stroll to bed around 12-1, do a little reading and then crash at around 1:30. The 9:30AM coffee is to wake me up and get going & my only remedy to cure myself of the “1 PM heavy eye-lid & lazy yawn syndrome” is, of course, more coffee. I think coffee is the heartbeat of many-a-workplaces around the country and w/out coffee, the level of productivity would substantially drop! There is truth in that statement. There has to be some studies done on this. Anyway, I gotta go to the restroom, so I better end this here…no joke.

Personality Type: The Babbler

(This is a new series of Personality Types…as I notice them)

The Babbler has one goal: waste as much time as possible, while making it seem like they are extremely busy & stressed. My cube is next to this chick/woman (she’s in the awkward transition stage only because she has a kid, but is pretty young in age and mind herself. Unless she pops out one more kid, she’ll be in the chick/woman stage until nature takes its course and she gets older or of course, more mature). Well anyway, this womchick (pronouced Vhom’Chik) can babble on one topic endlessly w/ the use of repeated phrases, properly placed extremely loud (& definitely fake) laughs, unncessary shuffling & reshuffling of papers, & recitals of emails that ultimately repeat her repeated phrases.

Fahrenheit 911 – Releasing or What?!

“Fahrenheit 911” will be in theaters across the U.S. (and the rest of the world) this summer :-). For a second, I thought I might have to get my Middle Eastern buddy in LA to get me a bootleg, but watching this flick will just cost me the usual $15 at the theatre. Those thieves!

Apparently, the chiefs @ Miramax first forked out around $6 mil to make the movie & now they’ve forked out some more dough to buy the distro & profit rights off of Disney. Disney didn’t want the controversy surrounding the film to take away some of its tax breaks in the state of Florida. This is the same company that didn’t want to distribute the movie “Dogma” (not that it was any good) because it had some touchy issues w/ Catholicism. Very sad indeed.

I have a feeling that this movie will be very successful considering the cloud that sits over the entire 9/11 fiasco. No one really knows why the hell this tragedy occurred except the general reason: “because they hate us w/ a passion.” But at the end of the day, its exposure to the public is directly related to how many theatres are playing it, so considering how TV stations failed to air the names of the boys & girls who died in Iraq a month ago, I wouldn’t be surprised if this movie plays on only small indy-owned screens in larger cities. It is the small cities that are in dire need of exposure to all this crap—NOT SF & NYC!

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