Category Archives: TV

Ugly Big Brother 5

I just saw God awful photos of the Big Brother show going on in England. I would post them, but I don’t want to scare off any visitors. My God, those people are damn ugly. Is it an English thing or simply the people they chose?! (My apologies to the good lucking Britons.) I don’t know what would compel me to watch ugly people living together and God forbid, have sex all day long with different partners. Anyway, I have yet to see any shows from the season on this side of the Atlantic, but I’ve been hoping that one of these days it’ll be on when I’m watching TV. Unfortunatley, I have yet to be TiVO’d. They really need to give out the box for like 50 bucks and make their money on the reoccurring, monthly income.

DAVE CHAPPELLE

Ok so I am extremely bored right now at work and I have stumbled upon Dave Chappelle’s page for his show on comdey central. The coolest thing about his site? You can pick from four different beats and then mix in some of his famous quotes and stuff. I found it quite hilarious. I suggest Hip-Hop and his Lil Jon. Whaaaaat? Hip-Hop and Rick James ain’t bad either.

Ratings – Jessica "Marry Me" Alba

Beautiful Ms. Alba
I could end my rating just with her photo, but I will not. I will do my best to put her beauty into words.

First, my rating: 7.8

Skull Structure: Similar to Angelina Jolie & ‘that’ Egyptian princess—you know, the ones who wore those golden Sphinx crowns & had long necks. I’m forgetting the name of the really beautiful one.

Yes, I’m a little bias with my score. Why? The lips. She’s looks like one of Angelina Jolie’s illegitimate children, but how can that be? Angelina Jolie, first of all, is crazy & secondly, she’s in her 30s, so logically Jessie cannot be one of her offspring. With this offspring question nagging me, I tried to find a photo of the parents, but no luck. Sorry, all you Alba stalkers.

Anyway, I digress. Where were we? Oh yes, the all mighty lips. Ms. Alba’s lips make me wonder whether she has ever gotten surgery, but then I zoom out from her lips to indulge on her entire face and see the ageless innocence in her eyes. My conclusion: She either has a very good surgeon or she has not gotten any surgery. This is Hollywood. Anything’s possible, baby.

I love the 80's vs. I love the 90's

I love the 90’s, I feel that VH1 has released it too early, but its still funny. Its nice to go back down memory lane and see all the horrors of the century. Now, do you think I love the 80’s was more funny? I tend to think so just cause it was the first of its kind and again, the 90’s were only 4 years ago or so, way to early to go back into time. It feels as though some of those things just happened.

Regardless, Hal Sparks, Michael Ian Black and Mo Rocca are hilarious!

The McEnroe Show

One word to describe it: Hip. Maybe a little too hip, but there’s definitely an audience out there. Mac came out w/ a trendy, (tight) charcoal colored shirt lookin’ real smooth as if he was 30 again. I have to admit, the guy hides his age very well. How old is he anyway? 50? His guests are pretty sub-par, though—there were 2 authors in the 20 minutes I watched it. It’s very likely that I missed the big name celeb who usually shows up at the end of shows.

One highlight: the hilarious short videos before the show goes into commercials. This area has a lot of potential. The short vid I saw was your typical 3am-style promo ad selling a Bill Clinton interview DVD. It was damn funny watching the DEAD faces Oprah, Dan Rather, Barbara Walters, etc, etc make while they sit like zombies beside Billy listening to him recite ‘My Life’ for hours on end. (Yes, one of those ‘had to be there’ jokes). That’s not all. The promo for the DVD was giving away another free DVD (w/ each order of the Interview DVD) that has endless hours of video footage of Bill Clinton talking while he’s walking—yes, a whole 3 miles of Bill walking on grass, cement, down stairs, in the oval office, etc while jabbing away to his interviewers (ok-ok, maybe I was really tired when watching it, but it made me laugh, that’s all).

2 Punk Rock 4 This: The Real World San Diego Reunion

Alright, so I didn’t really catch all of it so I can’t really say too much about it but I did catch parts where they focused on how fucked up Frankie is. Like, really, this girl is so fucking weird!!! To anyone that watched the whole thing, did I miss much in the first 25 minutes of it? …meaning, did I miss anything about Jamie? *drool* But anyways, I just can’t think of any other words to describe my reaction towards Frankie besides the fact that I think she’s so fuckin weird! She’s whack looking and her hair looked all fucked up with it’s spectrum of colors. She’s so full of shit saying that she’s not punk rock. In the first few episodes she admitted to being a punk rock type of chick and that she wouldn’t have much in common with anyone; reason why she started kicking it with that psycho, Adam. Then she all says that she had an amazing time in Greece, didn’t look that way from the show. Then she acts like, “Oh, I thought I left with 6 best friends..weep weep” Whatevers, crazy ass bitch. I’m sorry but Frankie is whack.

…okay, let’s take a moment to reminisce of how hot Vanessa is too….*drool*

Now let’s take a moment to focus on how fine Cameran is and how hot Jamie is. *drool*…*slurp

…I’m looking forward to seeing next week’s deleted scenes episode. I think we’ll see more of Jamie getting hammered as evident from the commercial.


SO HOT, Want to touch the heiny, aaarrgghhwwwoooooooo!!!!!

Outback Jack or Outback Pimp?

Ok, this guy is a total MILF pimp, if I’ve ever seen one in action (MILF Hunter is the only other one). For those who are not familiar with the show, it’s some cheesy reality show (that also has easy porno-conversion potential) that comes on TBS (btw, I haven’t flipped to this channel since the 90s when they aired Bulls games). What’s the premise, you ask? It’s basically about a few hot women who are probably in the mid-late 20s, but mysteriously have the MILFy appearance (definite butherface candidates—at least on the show, but I just saw their portraits & they are all pretty much hot except for Maria, Natalie, & Mary), who all hike around playing games in the wilderness w/ their hot-hunk of a guide Outback Jack (ok, I have no damn idea what the show is about, but it�s probably close to my last statement). Anyway, the MILFy women suit Outback Jack perfectly as he appears to be in his mid 30s & kinda shady lookin�.

Ratings – Ashlee "Gypsy" Simpson

24: What does that number signify? Those are the number of search results when searching for ‘Ashlee Simpson’ images on Yahoo. Very sad, indeed. Her sister? 1,530. If I had my own TV show and my sister was a world famous popstar, I think I could at least land 100 results on Yahoo (eventhough they wouldn’t be that good lookin’ pics, but that’s besides the point). It’s just a matter of hitting up the right parties, talking to the right photographers & publicists and boom, you got 50-75 results right there. 24 is pretty sad, but I don’t blame the web designers for their tastes because they’ve done the right thing for once.

Ashlee obviously got slapped around when it was time to divvy out the genes in her mother’s womb. Naturally, she got a few of the Jessica Simpson ‘hand-me-down’ genes: Ashlee’s white (a little too white for my eyes in some of her photos), she has the same hair (at least I think so?), has that mini-ass on her chin, but the homogonous genes pretty much stop there, my friends. Everyone knows that the modern pop star juice is sweetest when made with 3 parts body and 1 part vocal chord—basically, the more body, the more money! With Brittany lip-syncing at concerts, you know I have a valid point!

With that said, I’m not saying Jessica Simpson is anywhere close to an 8 on my scale, but she’s definitely closer to an 8 than Junior Simpson. How could such a disparity exist? This little observation makes me wonder if both of these girls have the same parents…this is a very likely possibility if you consider the society in which we currently reside. A little adultery here and there is harmless, right? Right.

Mini-Me! Lil Ash Simpson... Gypsy Simpson?
Comments on the photos: Only one in particular about the 3rd photo. Why would you dress like that to an MTV award show?!? Did she forget the bloody show was that night or maybe she forgot to do laundry? Seriously. Get your act together, sistah!

Ok, now what is exactly wrong with Mini-Jessica? Apart from what Jackson has said about her sub-par living habits, her photo above should be worth a million words. Don’t worry, I won’t mention too many. Well, a lot of people dig the hair, but to me it looks like something straight out of the 80s–no matter what color. While we’re on the hair, she needs to choose one color & stick with it. One day she’s blonde, another day black/brunette, another day both. Fans get confused easily, Ashlee. I have short listed some issues:

It's Over….sad!

So last night was the season finale of the Real World San Diego….sad! I think it was a pretty lame ending…nothing bad really happened; no one went to jail, no one else hooked up, and Jamie didn’t get naked…damnitt!

…I thought it was pretty cheesy that it was B-Rad that was the last person to leave the place…driving away on his crotch rocket riding into the sunset…aaawwwhh. Don’t get me wrong, B-Rad is one of hell of a cool dude, but he’s the total stereotypical meat head.

I guess the only thing I can really focus on is how hot Jamie is…boots and skirt….ooohhhweee!!! Oh, and let’s pay homage one more time to her Halloween costume….oh baby!

…I guess I’m looking forward to the reunion special next week and see if Jamie explains why she was such a damn boring character…all I ask for is a titty flash.

The Ashlee Simpson Show…

…is a waste of tv airtime.

I’ve not watched a whole episode, I can’t even sit through 2 minutes of it consecutively at a time. But I swear, she has no talent and that show is just waste of time.

So my thinking is that Jessica got her that show on MTV as apart of negotiations to do another season of Newlyweds because her sister really doesn’t have the looks that Jessica has so there really is no reason you’d want cameras following her around. I guess Ashlee apparently lives in a regular apartment and doesn’t know how to sweep or mop. That leads to me a tangent where I think someone should really bitch slap their parents for just picking up on their two daughters never having to teach them how to do anything. My gosh, were the parents too busy exploiting their daughters to make them money that they didn’t even bother teaching them how to sweep a fuckin floor. Give me a fuckin break! Do they have any other children that we don’t know about that they are about to exploit? Maybe the father can get the mom pregnant and they can make another MTV reality show following them around as she’s about to give birth to another complete idiot Simpson. Anyways, back to the focus of the no talent Ashlee Simpson…

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