Category Archives: TV

Ivana Trump To Host MILF Show!

I-don’t-vana
Yes, following in the footsteps of her ex-husband turned manwhore, Donald Trump, Ivana Trump is set to create a new reality TV show of her own. “Ivana Man” will be its name. Although, I thought FOX was a little more creative than “Ivana Man.” It has a ring to it, but when you think about the model turned 55-year old drag queen, your stomach gets queasy & your mind fills with the desire to vomit. Here are some wise words from Ivana:

“I cannot be with an older man. They’re too set in their ways. … I prefer to be a baby-sitter than a nursemaid.”

um…ok. A little weird, but weird is good. Especially for reality TV.
Come to think of it, MILFs are plentiful in major metropolitan cities, but I figure these women have to offer other amenities apart from sex in order to successfully reel in some young fish. I’m talkin’ free use of their Netjets flying time, trips to exotic locations, possibly access to their 20-something daughters (where applicable).
Two questions remain:

(1) Will this show only be watched by depressed older women & young, gay men?

(2) And why is I-don�t-vana’s last name still Trump? Is it b/c she robbed him of millions?

Æon Flux: Delayed!

Oh yeah, baby

For those of you kids who do not know, there’s an Æon Flux movie coming out staring the beautifully hot (is ‘beautifully hot’ even possible?) & sexy Charlize Theron! This is made to order for the western world, so I’m assuming it will be a crazy hit. Actually, it will be damn hard to replicate the toon with all its crazy characters & worlds, but anything’s possible in a post-Matrix era! Irregardless, the movie will be indefinitely delayed (minimum 6 weeks) due to injuries suffered by our Spicy Charlize. What kind of injuries? Well, Seattle Times overheard a Charlize rep saying,

“No cuts, no broken bones. I think it was something less tangible than that. … Something vague and nagging.”

Since when were we playing ‘guess the injury?!’ Shit. That is, by far, one of the most useless ‘updates’ on an injured entertainer, I’ve heard. This “representative” should be fired.

Anyway, moving on to a more nostalgic tone. God. I loved this show. Even though Æon (product of an Asian, Steve) was one of those shows where I watched almost every episode on MTV, but for some odd reason, I had no bloody clue what was going on. The plot was so beyond me. I just remember a really tall scientist in a long white-coat & an equally tall woman decked out in the skimpiest of lingerie running around in these completely screwed up worlds. I have faint images of them in incubators & at times injecting crap inside one another, so my mind tends to pick up the sick stuff, as you can see.

MTV Real World Philly Guesses

Ok, here’s the cast and my guesses as to what these characters are gonna be like. The last Real World I watched was the one in Vegas (of course) & since then I have not seen any specials or anything else to help me make my guesses.

Shavonda
Shavonda – Very cute. For some reason she doesn’t seem like the type to have any issues, but after watching that bitch Carol (that was her name, right?), anything’s possible. One thing’s for sure though, sistahs don’t sleep around like crazy (with exception of the RW Vegas). Let’s admit it, Vegas brings brings out everyone’s horny(ier) side. Even though her native African name is deceiving, I’m getting the “black girl likes the white foo” vibes from her. Am I wrong here?

Sarah
Sarah – Definite ho of the group. She’ll be tossed around like nobody’s business. I’m guessin’ she’ll have sex at least 5 times on camera and countless times off camera. She will have the most issues, in my opinion.

Melanie
Melanie – Aaaw, she looks like Daddy’s girl. You know what that means, right?! LESBIAN! We’ll see. I say Melanie tries to have sex with Sarah, but Sarah only enjoys heterosexual bangin’ unless of course she’s piss drunk. Then she’s game for any type of sex. Enter: The Classic Threesome. This episode will peak in ratings. Oh also, she’s least likely to get booted.

Willie
A) His name is Willie
B) His shirt matches with his skin tone.
He’s the classic “let’s get the gays around the country & world to tune in & bump up our ratings” character.

The James Chan…Part Deux

If you missed the first cameo by The James Chan, please refer here.

Episode 7…special guest star Shooter “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast” McGavin as Nicole’s father.

Alright ladies…now to the goodies. Yes ladies, our favorite James is back for another cameo appearance on North Shore. I’m going to have say that it wasn’t as awesome an appearance as the previous. But ladies!…yes, he does have his shirt off in the few scenes were you know that it truly is The James Chan…

Awesome Back Musckles!
Oh yes ladies, you might only see him from behind, but you know that’s your favorite James Chan!

Rear deltoid
…don’t even bother with Gabriel…it’s The James Chan that you want to stare at.

ABS!!!!
Look at that aweome 12 pack of abs….ladies, he will wash your shirt on that fo’ veddy cheap!

Tricep and Rear deltoid
Sorry ladies…but The James Chan has retired from his North Shore cameo appearances…here’s the final shot of his fine acting work don.

Paris Tosses Nick (Boy #53)

Random photo of Nick w/ another girl (I got tired of looking at the photo, so I’ve linked to it). Could she be the one?! If she is the one, Nick needs to be pulled aside & beaten silly.

Recently it was reported by a Hilton Hotels publicist that Paris broke up with Nicky Boy!—Or possibly it was the other way around? I think Nicky boy is now broke and needs to go back to touring and making albums to recoup the money he lost while dating Paris. Exact figures of his expenditures are not yet known, but being digged for…We’ve made logical estimates below.

Read the story here. What follows is a brief story book of their relationship & the financial downfall of Nick Carter:

Shopping with Paris
Shopping with Paris Hilton…$3,000,000 (Off topic: Look at the bloody Security guard! He’s got a clear shot of Paris’ Million dollar, boney ass!)

The James Chan…his television debut!

Oh yes ladies do I have a treat for you!!! Yes, it is The James Chan making a cameo appearance on North Shore…

Oh crap!  What’s going on!?!?
Looking to see the action…that professional look of curiousity on his face!

See the action!
That smoldering serious look of concern for the situation in progress.

Look at his chest ripping through his shirt and the shadows
Oh yes ladies…it’s not just the head that you see…check the whole package.

The Ashlee Monster Attacks!

AshlEY Monster
This is from Ashlee’s Letterman appearance last week. First, lets take 2 seconds to pay respects to the ears of the audience members who had to sit through many Ashlee-screams. [____1_________2____ ok, that’s enough.] In the photo above, at first glance, Ashlee looks as if she’s hunched over and screaming into the mic, but a closer look reveals that it’s only her guitarist to her side while Ashlee is standing upright & screaming. Ok, this is a waste of space, so I’m going to stop.

Ok-ok, one more try. Here’s a photo that will surely wake you up if you’re feelin’ the extra Monday night Martini bringing you down @ work this morning. Click the photo to increase its effectiveness (Make sure to squint before you click, though.)
Squint and Click here...

Ugly Big Brother 5

I just saw God awful photos of the Big Brother show going on in England. I would post them, but I don’t want to scare off any visitors. My God, those people are damn ugly. Is it an English thing or simply the people they chose?! (My apologies to the good lucking Britons.) I don’t know what would compel me to watch ugly people living together and God forbid, have sex all day long with different partners. Anyway, I have yet to see any shows from the season on this side of the Atlantic, but I’ve been hoping that one of these days it’ll be on when I’m watching TV. Unfortunatley, I have yet to be TiVO’d. They really need to give out the box for like 50 bucks and make their money on the reoccurring, monthly income.

DAVE CHAPPELLE

Ok so I am extremely bored right now at work and I have stumbled upon Dave Chappelle’s page for his show on comdey central. The coolest thing about his site? You can pick from four different beats and then mix in some of his famous quotes and stuff. I found it quite hilarious. I suggest Hip-Hop and his Lil Jon. Whaaaaat? Hip-Hop and Rick James ain’t bad either.

Ratings – Jessica "Marry Me" Alba

Beautiful Ms. Alba
I could end my rating just with her photo, but I will not. I will do my best to put her beauty into words.

First, my rating: 7.8

Skull Structure: Similar to Angelina Jolie & ‘that’ Egyptian princess—you know, the ones who wore those golden Sphinx crowns & had long necks. I’m forgetting the name of the really beautiful one.

Yes, I’m a little bias with my score. Why? The lips. She’s looks like one of Angelina Jolie’s illegitimate children, but how can that be? Angelina Jolie, first of all, is crazy & secondly, she’s in her 30s, so logically Jessie cannot be one of her offspring. With this offspring question nagging me, I tried to find a photo of the parents, but no luck. Sorry, all you Alba stalkers.

Anyway, I digress. Where were we? Oh yes, the all mighty lips. Ms. Alba’s lips make me wonder whether she has ever gotten surgery, but then I zoom out from her lips to indulge on her entire face and see the ageless innocence in her eyes. My conclusion: She either has a very good surgeon or she has not gotten any surgery. This is Hollywood. Anything’s possible, baby.

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