Category Archives: Babes

Luisana Lopilato & Her Mysterious, Horny Greek Connection

Perverted connection would also work. Luisana has won the hearts of every male under the age of 14 in Greece. They apparently want to rip her clothes off and do very naughty things to her.

We will review a few comments on our other Luisana posts that you can find here, here, and also here.

But before I plug a few horny comments by Greek nationals, check out this comment by a confused & concerned (about Luisana) visitor.

Ok, I first came across the Bastardly 3 months ago and have been irritated by the stupidity of many people on here… however, this is the first time I couldn’t resist commenting, and I apologize if this gets lengthy. First of all, where do you greeks learn your english??? Jeez, and I thought asians were bad. Why don’t you just stick to your native tongue? I understand that English is difficult to learn, but I’ve met 5-year old autistic kids that make more sense than all of you. Secondly, are there no therapists in Greece for you little perverts to go see about your sick and unnnatural obsession with this poor girl? IT’S CREEPY. I hope none of you are visiting the USA anytime soon… but if you are please let me know so I can starve my Rottweiler for a couple days in case you creeps come around with your unrealistic infatuations and peek in my windows. Maybe I’m being an ignorant American but if I was this “Louisianaâ€? chick (or whatever her name is… I’ve never heard of her) I would definitely NEVER visit Greece, despite it’s beauty, for fear that a bunch of 16-year old boys with multiple STDs would chase me down and rape me… all while stuffing Spanakopeta down my throat. [Original Doll]

Jenna Jameson Lookin' Funky @ 2006 AVN Awards

Let’s just say that Jenna Jameson should be very thankful that she all but controls one of the most successful adult entertainment companies in the world.

Also, with respect to the lips, a simple botox treatment isn’t responsible for those babies, my friends. Those are a direct result of Jenna mastering the art of suckie-suckie. For girls interested in giving better BJs, please review this post @ The Bastardly Society Forum.

The Official "DAMN YOU, CASH WARREN!!" Post

Dude, talk about having the time of your life…That son of a bitch!

Just like J. Aniston’s famous for being the chick who sexed up Brad Pitt, Cash Warren will go down in history for holding the all-exclusive “Have Sex With Jessica Alba anytime you want” Pass. Cash, brother, pass it on to the next guy in line!!!

Now, grab a box of Kleenex (if you’re either lesbian or a heterosexual male) & indulge in the photos below.

Brooke Burke Does Burger King

Brooke Burke may be a MILF, but you can’t deny the fact that she’s a dying franchise & literally on the edge of falling into Has-been Ocean. If she wasn’t a mommy, I would recommend going to the sex tape route in a desperate attempt to rejuvenate her career. And now, for a game…

The Bastardly Thought Process Game

My thought process when Brooke Burke comes into my mind goes something like this…

1. Start with: Boobs
2. Brooke running nude on the beach…
3. Funny nose
4. Wild On
5. Playboy layout
6. End with: When will Jessica Alba do Playboy?

See what I mean? She has very little going for.

On that note, let’s check out a few pics of Brooke w/ the Burger King dude.

Bastardly Run-on Sentence Review: Deuce Bigalow European Jigalow

I’d pay like $30-40 for one of those trophies.

I’ve been waiting to see this thing for a while as the first Deuce was one of my favorite flicks & I can safely say that this movie was better than Million Dollar Baby and I say that without even having seen MDB, so yeah, the flick & every second of the DVD extras should be watched by all horndogs & pretty much anyone with a sense of humor, and moreover, I felt my sexual vocab substantially grew as the movie progressed, so big props go out to Rob Schneider and his team, but aside from the movie’s epic quality, I fell in love w/ Hanna Verboom (aka Hanna Vaaaboom!) who Rob Schneider had a chance to sex up, but didn’t follow through b/c he didn’t put it into the damn script for some fucked up reason—i mean, if I was writing a comedy staring a super hot European bombshell w/ a voice from sexual heaven, I would at least have a couple sex scenes (that doesn’t include a shower session in which I give my hot, European co-star a bath w/ my own bare hands & tongue), so Rob please keep that in mind for the next Deuce b/c your fan base commands content that will merit an NC-17 rating, so yeah, apologies for the digression, but Hanna Vavvvvooom was super hot (the type of hotness where you want to hit the pause button & let out a big “God Daaaayyyyym!”), but if there was a way to make love to her voice, I would be game b/c I’m telling you guys, her Belgian accent was literally addictive & if add the voice to her body, all I can say is that this girl has tremendous potential if she’s willing to spread her sexy-smooth legs for the right American directors & producers, so with that in hand, rent the DVD, grab some popcorn & let Hanna Vavvvooom into your heart, but in the meantime enjoy tons & tons of bad-quality screen caps of Hanna & other random things out of the DVD’s extras.

AVN Adult Entertainment Expo In Vegas – A Bastardly Preview!


Gianna Lynn & Lexi Love drive the boys crazy.

As I write this Jackson’s probably rubbing up against some dirty pornstar trying to get her to sleep him. Actually, since he holds a press pass to the event, I’m sure he’s using that to his advantage…

[Jackson, with press pass taped to his forehead.]

Pornstar: Oh, I couldn’t help but notice that you’re a member of the press.

Jackson: Umm, yeah. And, aren’t you Jenna Haze?

Jenna Haze: Good guess. Since you’re in the press, how about we have sex & then you can do a nice story on me?

Jackson: Where you staying…?

And, the rest will be on the sex tape that we’ll link to once he gets back…

In the meantime, please check out a few photos from the pornographic festivities! It’s more than obvious that the Getty Images photographer (Ethan Miller) taking the snaps has no taste in pornstar beauty. I Pity the foo.

Elisha Cuthbert Is Supergirl (Or Is She?)

I think this is a fake, but it makes for interesting convo.

Let’s assume for a second that a remake of the original is in the works. For some reason, I don’t see this type of flick going anywhere (I’m talkin’ below Dare Devil levels here…). It definitely has more to do w/ qwerks in our wonderful society than anything else.

Then again, if Supergirl is totally exploited from a sexual standpoint, I can easily see many horndogs going to see it a couple times each. Unfortunately, the sexual exploitation of such a strong personality is contradictory in itself, but fortunately for Hollywood, that type of stuff is not such a high priority. It’s about the bucks, baby!! I’m totally willing to shell out my 12 bucks (medium popcorn included) to see a hot, NC-17 version of Supergirl over a lameass, PG-13 version of Superman.

Cherie Roberts – A Bastardly Interview

Photos courtesy of Cherie Roberts

I think I should start off by saying that this interview ain’t for the kiddies. I recall first going oogly googly over Cherie Roberts when she held the title of Miss Hot Import Nights and the tour rolled on up to Seattle. Yes, I also recall waiting in line for like 30 minutes to get an autograph and picture too!!!…which I still have. Anyways, of course you’ll find Cherie on Myspace, however, if you wanna see more of her that’s too hot for even The Bastardly then be sure to check out!

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