Category Archives: Babes

Sao Paulo Weather By…Jackie Guerrido

Remember:

1. We’re all toiling away at work while hot mommas are out partying in scandalous Sao Paulo clubs until the sun comes up.
2. And secondly, Jackie Guerrido is one sexy cat. She was dressed to impress a few days ago & I know a few of you bastards caught it. How can normal men give a crap about the weather when the woman reporting it is dressed like Jackie in the photo above?!?! Keep working out, Jackie!

The 'I'm Changing My Life' Bug


Paris’ 25-Karat reason to become completely idle in life.

Both, Female Paris & Lindsay Lohan, have sold-out in their own, special way. One’s got a billionaire between her legs & the other also wants a billionaire, but settles for sub par Disney flicks.

Female Paris’ Reason (apart from her 25-karat ring]:

I don’t enjoy going out anymore. It’s a pain. It’s everyone saying, ‘Let’s do a deal! Can I have a picture?’ I’m just, like, ‘These people are such losers. I can’t believe I used to love doing this.’

I think maybe when I was younger, I thought it was cute to play the dumb blonde. On TV, I do it because it’s funny. I consider myself a businesswoman and a brand. [Entertainment Weekly]

Lindsay’s Reason:

I kind of got over it really fast but they continued to say I still do it. I just don’t want people to think that I’m not focused and that I’m in this for the wrong reasons. I don’t want them to be misunderstood about the kind of person that I am.

I always wanted to go to college, and I wanted to study entertainment law, actually. But, you know, I’m in a position right now where I feel like this is what I want to do. So to put this aside to start something new could be a lot right now. I wouldn’t cancel it out, but first I’d like to get into producing. [SciFi]

Below, enjoy a photo of Female Paris sporting her mountain of a rock @ the Gay Pride parade this past weekend.

Jennifer Love Hewitt Does Hanes & Russell Crowe & Clooney Need To Do WWE!

Look who’s doing ads for Hanes! Jennifer Love Hewitt, that’s who!

I have always wanted to model for an all-American apparel brand and Hanes is perfect for … with a flirty edge and the new ads really show that [Zap2it]

Aaaw, how sweet. Let’s hope there are some wet t-shirt ads.

In response to JLH & all the other celebs whoring themselves to the ad biz, here’s the famous Angry Phone Tosser himself, Russell Crowe.

I don’t use my celebrity to make a living.

I don’t do ads for suits in Spain like George Clooney or cigarettes in Japan like Harrison Ford. And on one level, people go, Well, more fault to you, mate, because there’s free money to be handed out.

But to me it’s kind of sacrilegious – it’s a complete contradiction of the fucking social contract you have with your audience.

I mean, Robert De Niro advertising American Express. Gee whiz, it’s not the first time he’s disappointed me. It’s been happening for a while now. [contactmusic via The Movie Blog]

George Clooney responded w/ his bullshit.

In response to Clooney, Russell jabs back w/ something deep.

I had a good laugh when Clooney tried to compare doing ads for suits, and a car and a drink to what I do as a musician. An endorsement is about money. My music is from the heart. [Celebrity Spider]

Angry Russell & George Clooney should stop their bickering already. They need to call up the WWE & schedule some sort of PPV event. This way,

1. Russell can regulate on Clooney, Gladiator-style (straight from his heart)
2. And, Clooney can take home the dough generated by the event.

Also, at the end of the event, they give each other a big hug…

1. This way, Russell can forgive Clooney (straight from his heart)
2. And, Clooney can earn money by giving interviews & selling posters of the make-up hug.

Ok, enough of this useless news. Let’s view a couple unimpressive J. L. Hewitt ads from her new Hanes campaign.

Confirmed: Mandy Moore Has A Ghetto Booty

Mandy was recently photographed tannin’ her bootilicious booty in Mexico & my God, what a scene.

June, 2005 has been an amazing month for young celebrities showin’ off their goods. And, the best news of all is that there are three more weeks to go!! I don’t want to get greedy and give off my top 5 list of scandalous things I want to see, so I’ll save it for another post in July. I wouldn’t want to jinx this beautiful month for the rest of the male population with a lot of time on their hands…

Adriana Lima To Be Tommy Lee'd?!?!


You don’t say!

Yes, that’s what the bullshitters @ SF Gate have conjured up in their creative writing department. This slipped by, so here’s the scoop in all it’s glory…

Rocker Tommy Lee has his sights set on supermodel Adriana Lima.
The Motley Crue drummer has been seen out and about with Tara Reid recently,
but insists, “I’m single and just lovin’ it.”

But that will change if he ever hooks up with Sports Illustrated covergirl
Lima.

He says, “Adriana is stunning. She’s unbelievable. She’s smoking. I would
love to date her.” [SF Gate]

So sadly, Tara & Tommy were engaged only @ the hip—even that engagement lasted only for so long. Regardless, we all know that Tommy Lee has one of the largest Peniseseses in the world & that Adriana Lima is a super petite model straight out of the ghettos of Brasil. So with that tidbit in hand, once Tommy is through with Adriana, will she be able walk or model ever again?!

Bastardly Interview: Carla-Maria

Photos courtesy of MsCarla.com

Let me turn your attention to the sexy Carla-Maria! You’ve seen this beautiful Filipina/Spanish/Chinese(!) hottie make appearances at Import Car Shows, numerous magazines, and you can see more at her official website. Ms. Carla took some time out of her busy schedule to answer a bunch of questions for our Bastardly readers. What more can I say to get you all intrigued about this hot model….she enjoys being nude!

Class Life: Argentinean Workout

So, you just bagged a woman who likes to workout, huh? What do you do in terms of gifts?!

Of course, you can follow the traditional superficial & overly expensive path of showering her with useless jewelry (in exchange for the booty), but as you know, jewelry encourages nothing more than the desire to receive even more of the shiny stuff. Naturally, for the sake of your precious bank account & priceless sanity, super tight & sexy workout attire is the perfect surprise for the modern hottie.

With that in hand, Argentinean born & bred, Class Life, has a few tasty answers. All styles below were showcased in Miami earlier this month.

Petra Nemcova: Giving Cuteness A New Meaning

A couple weeks ago I randomly turned on the TV (a very rare thing, mind you) & then somehow landed on Larry King Live (an even rarer thing). Usually when I land on Larry King, I first ask myself his age & then ponder why CNN hasn’t booted his ass back to the monkey exhibition @ the local zoo. Rather than bumping the show for a session of pulling weeds in my lawn, my eyes met w/ those of Petra Nemcova’s & it was instant one-sided television love. Truly sad, but it’s the honest truth, my friends.

In my book, Petra doesn’t fall into that random hot-girl category, but she’s much more (much-much more!). She’s in the ultra exclusive, “you’re so cute, I want to spend the rest of my life with you” category. I’m sure we’ve each met / seen a similar person in our own lives. God have mercy on her!

So with that in hand, how does such a hot girl like Petra end up on bloody Larry King?! We heard another one of those rumors, so listen carefully. Luckily, Petra’s agent was at one of those fashion-parties over the weekend & naturally, he did a ton of crack w/ the likes of anorexic Lindsay, Nicole, Donatella & Angry Naomi. When he was about to sniff up his 6th line of the night, his phone rang.

CNN: Hi, how are you?
Petra’s Agent: Huh?
CNN: Good to hear. Can Petra come on Larry King tomorrow night.
Petra’s Agent: Right on. We’ll be there.

So there you have it. Petra’s appearance on Larry King was courtesy of cocaine. God, I love that drug!

On a more serious note, check out some of Petra’s photos from her recovery in Thailand.

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