Category Archives: Babes

Halloween Sex Galore @ The Playboy Mansion!


Charis Boyle w/ Mike Tyson. You just KNOW these two love birds hooked up after Mike drugged that poor Charis up on his potion of love. Also, Charis will find it hard to walk for the next few days…

God damn. Another Playboy party missed by the Bastardly. Our goal is to hit one up before Hef floats away to the brighter side. Amen.

Well, it’s very safe to assume that the free flowin’ alcohol coupled w/ the horny nature of the mansion contributed to an endless amount of uninhibited, freakishly crazy sex during & following the end of the partaay. Damn all those involved.

How long will Hef go? That is the question, my friends. The guy is exceptionally healthy for his age & I seriously think the sex & the amazing environment he has built around himself greatly contributes to his current state. It’s fairly obvious that a happy & sexually content man is a healthy man. Hang in there, Heffie!

Have fun w/ the pics. The come courtesy of Mr. Chad Doering @ Playboy. Chad, we’re not worth—we’re not worth!!

Russian Women: Man's Gift From God

“Beauty will save the world.”

Those wise words came from one of the greatest authors to ever live, Mr. Fydor Dosteovsky (also Russian). The powers of beauty are self-evident, but I must confess, I nearly had a heart attack after setting my eyes on these two beauties.

May God have mercy on all hot Ruskies.

Side note: The photo was taken by one of our readers (wants to remain anonymous), who visited the Playboy Mansion for a party earlier this year (damn you!!!). Once again, if you’re in the position to provide two invites to the mansion for the New Years party, please do email us. We will hook you up like no other.

Donna Feldman – A Bastardly Interview

Photos courtesy of Donna Feldman

Do you ever wonder about the hot girl that is handing out the trophies at award ceremonies? Well, for all you curious-minded people let me grab your attention towards the lovely Donna Feldman from this past year’s Academy Awards. In addition to being named to the Maxim Hot 100, Donna has built quite an impressive resume when it comes to gracing her sexy bod across the media. Check out more heat at her official website but w/ her busy schedule she had time for our Bastardly Interview…and believe me it was well worth the wait.

Eva Longoria: Undeniably Hot (But Still A Whore)

I know I give this lady a lot of shit for sleeping around w/ everyone with a decent sized wallet, coupled with a Hollywood network. Her scandalous life is perfectly fine because you must learn to play a little dirty in order to achieve tremendous success in the entertainment industry (assuming you’re not already born into some powerhouse family).

As the bastardly saying goes, “if you chase money, you will eventually find power.” In Eva’s quest for power, she recently slam-dunked herself into Tony Parker’s heart. Since we all know this won’t be one of those lifer-relationship, what’s the over/under on her engagement/potential marriage?

While you guys think up a number, here are two super hot photos of Eva. I bet the lucky photographer got a piece following the shoot! Damn you!!!

Lori Loughlin: Still Super Sexy

With all this talk about MILFs & it unofficially being MILF Week on the Bastardly, how could we possibly pass up Lori Loughlin, of Full House fame. She was in attendance @ the 32nd Annual Crystal Ball at the Beverly Hilton.

I just remember thinking she was so damn hot back in the day. I also recall how Jessie & her would always sneak away into the kitchen for a quick make-out sessions (that bastard). Odds are pretty good that John Stamos got a piece (or two) of this woman on multiple occasions while Full House was on the air. Damn him.

It’s a pity Mr. Stamos is nothing in comparison to Lori’s real hubs, Mr. Mossimo Giannulli—yes, the bloody creator of the Mossimo line of clothing that’s popular among hot surfer girls & dudes. Wow, it’s safe to say that both parties, Mr. Mossimo & Lori, hit the bloody jackpot by landing each other.

Below are a few pics of Lori from the event.

Drunken Body Double: Mischa Barton & E.T.

My convo w/ a co-worker prior to posting:
Me: So you think the E.T. & Mischa thing’s pretty bad, huh?
Co-Worker: Ya, it’s pretty stupid. I don’t even think it’s…funny.

So w/ that in hand…

If you go for weeks with around 4-5 hours of sleep & then stare @ Mischa’s face long enough, desperately trying to find something in that box of a skull to make fun of, you’ll slowly see the E.T. inside of her come to life*. Her long neck, pronounced cheekbones, eyes & huge forehead will all morph into E.T. in front of your very eyes! It’s amazing, I tell you.

In an attempt to make up for this horrible-horrible post, here are some pics of Mischa wearing a scandalously skimpy robe. All you horny guys out there, don’t bump your heads into your monitor as you try to find Mischa’s nipple.

*In order to make this work some of you might require cocaine, marijuana, heroin or of course, if you don’t have access to those drugs or the money to buy them, excessive amounts of alcohol can serve as an adequate substitute.

Kirsty Gallacher – Bastardly People Ratings

Thanks Sophia

+6.00 – British babes are bloody hot!!!…and could probably pour you a mean spot of tea.

+0.75 – British accent….oooh yeah!!!

+0.63 – Doesn’t have fucked up British teeth

+0.81 – Nice rack!!!

+0.28 – Is an avid sports fan.

-0.19 – But a avid sports fan of soccer…I mean, futbol????

+0.49 – Sexy calendar that a lot of Horny British teens are probably wanking-off to right now.

+0.02 – To my knowledge has not dated that tool JC Chasez.

-1.50 – Not Latina.
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7.29 – Queen Elizabeth would be proud of the showing her people have made on The Bastardly.

Avril Lavigne's New Look: No Longer Punk!

God damn, what a difference an engagement, a new stylist & a few months can make. Avril looks like a any randomyuppy girl you’d spot when hitting up these functions. Let’s hope she doesn’t tip-toe her way into the Dark Side & befriend someone like Paris or Nicole. Maybe this is a new beginning into something really beautiful?

Whatever’s going down, it sure appears as if Avril was recently released from the music industry’s greedy prison—the same prison in which she was forced to play the role of some lame, little punk rockin’ chick (from Canada), who had a penchant for getting wasted & flicking off the paparazzi.

Here are a few more pics to help Avril’s transformation sink in.

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