Category Archives: Babes

The Socialite Sex Trade: Kelly Slater, Gisele Bundchen & Leo DiCraps

Leo Deecraps, after getting a little tired of sexin’ up Giselle 24-hours a day (don’t blame him) & has successfully passed her on to surfer, Kelly Slater. Damn you, Kelly Slater & damn the manwhorish life of surfers all around the globe. I am ridiculously envious.

Although Giselle Bundchen is an amazingly hot package & a longtime member of the Socialite Sex Trade, I would still swing for the innocent, yet scandalously sexy, Petra Nemcova. Maybe Leo recently saw his calendar & astutely noticed that it’s been around a year since the Asian Tsunami & Petra Nemcova might be finished overcoming the tragic loss of her beloved fiancé, Simon Atlee. Watch for Leo to go in for the kill b/c obviously none of the other rich dudes in his age group are interested in super hot women younger than the age of 30. What has the world come to?

Below you’ll find a few pics of Ms. Bundchen modeling Ipanema Sandals (Hello Mag Story). Have mercy.

Brooke Burns Hurting After Man-Whore Bruce Willis

There’s nothing more depressing than listening to REM’s Everybody Hurts while stuck in bumper to bumper traffic. I swear, the Robot Life truly flash in front of you. Damn you, Robot Life. I need a New Year’s resolution that involves quitting my job & running away (with my Powerbook & 2 of my favorite CDs). Sad, I know.

Also, I was a super busy today, so excuse the lack of updates.

Ok, since we already have Manwhore Bruce Willis crawling around in our heads from the last post (for the two of you who bothered to read it), I want to bring Brooke Burns into the mix. The poor lady looks very weak & even sports a neck brace after a “freak pool accident” (accident = “I’m miserable that Bruce left me for another hottie, so I thought suicide was a viable option”). Brooke, please make sure there’s water in the pool next time you take the plunge… (Ok, that was mean. If you really care, read more about the brace & the accident here.)

Before I close, here are a few recent pics of Brooke (in her blinged-out neck brace, in Manwhore Bruce Willis’ brace & a few airbrushed snaps to remind us of what she looks like w/out the brace).

Lindsay Lohan Gets Deep About Song Lyrics

I know he’s heard (my track) because I believe he wrote a song and he sent it to the (New York) Post. I don’t remember (what he said in the song). I tried to block it out.

He’s my father, I love him. That’s why in this song I didn’t want it to come off too harsh. [SF Gate]

Bastardly Analysis
First of all, since when did this girl start to sing & write her own lyrics?! I must be out of it.

As for pappy writing a song: It sounds to me like daddy wants a big ticket item for Christmas & is trying his hardest to earn pity points. Why else would he bother listening to his daughter’s lame-ass song & then take it one giant step further by recording a song of his own in response.

I can’t believe I just spent five minutes of my life writing that crap…For those of you who bothered reading, check out some Lohan eye-candy!

Eva Pigford Models P. Puff Diddy Daddy's Latest Whoring Line

Actually, this is not really from Diddy’s whoring line. This is just what Eva wore to last week’s Top Model party. Very ghettoliciously sexy, indeed.

I have to say, this lady has done wonderfully after winning Top Model. She has made an an amazing list of friends that includes Tyra Bigheadanks, Missy Elliot, Kane West, Whoriah Carey, among others. It’s amazing what a little TV time will do for your career & life.

In terms of dudes, Eva definitely has tremendous potential! First she pleasured possibly gay, definitely bi-sexual, Henry Simmons & these days she’s bangin’ Kerry Rhodes of the NY Jets (at least she’s going in the right direction), but I think she’ll strike gold once she unzips pants belonging to Denzel, Diddy, Fiddy, Jay-Z and all those other rich bastards with extra deep pockets & an even deeper network for her to exploit.

We’ve got our Bastardly eyes on this woman! Go, Evvva!!

Slutty Mariah Carey @ The 2005 Billboard Awards

Girls, forget working endless hours in order to get straight As in school.

Just sleep w/ the professor & get the grades, the recommendation letter & even get the bastard to pay your rent (for those of you in college).

Well-timed sex—w/ the right people—will open unimaginable doors in life, so suck in your pride, spread your legs & moan your way to dollabeels, baby!

Mariah Carey: Case in point!

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