Category Archives: Babes

Posing Paris #1: Pouty Boobs

In a new series of photos, we’ll chronicle The Ho’d-up Paris Hilton Poses, so if you want to be famous by way of spreading your legs for the right people, follow these carefully. Paris, pose by pose, reveals her secret camera whoring techniques on how to be an extremely successfully whore in high society.

Here’s number #1.

Wildly Overrated Maria Sharapova Hosts Espys

Why has this chick’s illusionary hottness blown so wildly out of proportion? Is it b/c she’s a Ruskie who looks like Kournikova from a mile away & can also win grand slams? Whatever it is, it’s all bullshit. I’m not saying the chick is ugs, but I’m just saying that she shouldn’t be hosting a bloody sports awards show. There are far hotter chicks out there:

1. Half of the Russian Olympic volleyball team (need some English language coaching)
2. Kournikova—if they are so god damn desperate for a Ruskie blonde!
3. Logan Tom from the US volleyball team

Regardless, you can check out Roddick & Sharapova on the Espys this Sunday. Below, there’s some eye-candy for Sharapova fans. Enjoy.

Bastardly Interview: Danielle Gamba

(Photos courtesy of Danielle Gamba)

Every guy has that something about a girl that gets him going. For some it might be the schoolgirl outfit, the black frame glasses, or simply pigtails. However, freckles never looked sexier thanks to Danielle Gamba! You’ve seen her in FHM as the reigning Hometown Honey representing Walnut Creek, CA…by the way, vote for her here! You might have also caught her in the pages of Playboy. She also is working on her official website. But now you get to learn more about her the Bastardly way!

A Tribute To Brazilian Fans

Actually, I think they might be cheerleaders, but whatever. We love their energy, enthusiasm, & of course, their juicy bods!

If anyone has any special connections on a way to get cheap airline tickets, please email us as we would love to go down there as a gang and party it up during the next Carnaval (end of Febs, 2006). Free T-Shirt for you and a friend will be your reward. I know that’s not much, but please understand that we’re one of the last adfree blogs out there who cater to complete, utter bullshitting, so give us a break.

Ok, enough begging. Let’s see some fotos of Braaaaaasileño hotties!!

The Sexy Luisana Lopilato Replies To Fans

Our first Luisana post brought countless fans to the site & a great number of those fans left notes for the Luisana, so I figured it would be fun to have a response from the hottie herself.

Dear Wonderful Fans,

I love you guys too! Yes, even you Vladimir! Я не могу без тебÑ?!!! Please do keep writing me personal notes below b/c I read each one & cherish you all and love you all, too. Sorry, my English not good, but I love you guys!!

There is not enough love in this world to explain my love.

Also, my boobs is real. I promise.

Lots of love & even more love,

Your Luisana

Wow, what a powerful letter. I could feel the love. I hope you guys are happy. For those of you looking for more, please look below for photos of Luisana workin’ her bod. Ow!

August, 2005 FHM: Jenny McCarthy Digs Amateur Porn. Ow!

I’m sure there are many chicks in Jenny’s boat. We know you’re out there, so don’t be shy. Give us your story, so that girls all around the globe can learn about video taping their personal sexapades.

Aside from the issue of creating homemade sex videos, let’s talk about something totally unrelated: Airbrushing! FHM must have an amazing airbrushing department b/c Jenny McCarthy seems to look 22 all over again.

Some possible airbrushing guidelines for the industry:

1. Airbrushing nipples out of extremely provocative photos doesn’t suddenly make that photo acceptable for all ages. In other words, leave the nipples, you airbrush whores.
2. 5-years is the max amount years that can be airbrushed off of a has-been hottie.
3. A set limit to the number of natural marks (moles, minor scars, freckles, etc) that can be airbrushed from a certain hottie, has-been hottie or potential hottie.

Feel free to give your own opinions. Now for some heavily airbrushed photos of Jenny McCarthy. Airbrushed or not, let’s admit it, the woman is hot.

Sexually Deprived Magic Johnson Gets Stripper Treatment

I feel for Magic. I really do.

He must have so much pent-up sexual tension that it’s not even funny. It’s possible he hits up red-light districts around the world to get some play, but it’s very clear by his facial expressions that the guy reeeally enjoyed the BET awards.

With all his wealth & power, it’s sad that he cannot freely have sex with 100s of women like every other NBA player (current & retired).

Just take Michael Jordan & his “basketball camp” (a.k.a. “Excuse to be around hot, drunk girls Camp”), for example. I’ve heard rumors that the guy hits up Santa Barbara parties once girls are wasted & takes care of business that way—I’m talkin’ huge orgies here, people!! So yeah, if you see mulatto kids running around the beaches or ballin’ it up on the courts in SB, it’s a pretty good chance that he’s got some MJ in him.

Ok, enough bullshitting about Michael Jordan. Below is a small collection of some hot, lap dance photos from the BET awards. Enjoy!

Zhang Ziyi Meets The (Really Tan) White Man

On one side you have the most flawless skin & on the other you have Lindsay Lohan’s lost father who has apparently spent a little too much time @ the tanning salon.

On that note, here’s a photo of Lindsay Lohan after being trapped inside a tanning bed for what appears to be a few….days.

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