Category Archives: Babes

Eva Longoria: Undeniably Hot (But Still A Whore)

I know I give this lady a lot of shit for sleeping around w/ everyone with a decent sized wallet, coupled with a Hollywood network. Her scandalous life is perfectly fine because you must learn to play a little dirty in order to achieve tremendous success in the entertainment industry (assuming you’re not already born into some powerhouse family).

As the bastardly saying goes, “if you chase money, you will eventually find power.” In Eva’s quest for power, she recently slam-dunked herself into Tony Parker’s heart. Since we all know this won’t be one of those lifer-relationship, what’s the over/under on her engagement/potential marriage?

While you guys think up a number, here are two super hot photos of Eva. I bet the lucky photographer got a piece following the shoot! Damn you!!!

Lori Loughlin: Still Super Sexy

With all this talk about MILFs & it unofficially being MILF Week on the Bastardly, how could we possibly pass up Lori Loughlin, of Full House fame. She was in attendance @ the 32nd Annual Crystal Ball at the Beverly Hilton.

I just remember thinking she was so damn hot back in the day. I also recall how Jessie & her would always sneak away into the kitchen for a quick make-out sessions (that bastard). Odds are pretty good that John Stamos got a piece (or two) of this woman on multiple occasions while Full House was on the air. Damn him.

It’s a pity Mr. Stamos is nothing in comparison to Lori’s real hubs, Mr. Mossimo Giannulli—yes, the bloody creator of the Mossimo line of clothing that’s popular among hot surfer girls & dudes. Wow, it’s safe to say that both parties, Mr. Mossimo & Lori, hit the bloody jackpot by landing each other.

Below are a few pics of Lori from the event.

Drunken Body Double: Mischa Barton & E.T.

My convo w/ a co-worker prior to posting:
Me: So you think the E.T. & Mischa thing’s pretty bad, huh?
Co-Worker: Ya, it’s pretty stupid. I don’t even think it’s…funny.

So w/ that in hand…

If you go for weeks with around 4-5 hours of sleep & then stare @ Mischa’s face long enough, desperately trying to find something in that box of a skull to make fun of, you’ll slowly see the E.T. inside of her come to life*. Her long neck, pronounced cheekbones, eyes & huge forehead will all morph into E.T. in front of your very eyes! It’s amazing, I tell you.

In an attempt to make up for this horrible-horrible post, here are some pics of Mischa wearing a scandalously skimpy robe. All you horny guys out there, don’t bump your heads into your monitor as you try to find Mischa’s nipple.

*In order to make this work some of you might require cocaine, marijuana, heroin or of course, if you don’t have access to those drugs or the money to buy them, excessive amounts of alcohol can serve as an adequate substitute.

Kirsty Gallacher – Bastardly People Ratings

Thanks Sophia

+6.00 – British babes are bloody hot!!!…and could probably pour you a mean spot of tea.

+0.75 – British accent….oooh yeah!!!

+0.63 – Doesn’t have fucked up British teeth

+0.81 – Nice rack!!!

+0.28 – Is an avid sports fan.

-0.19 – But a avid sports fan of soccer…I mean, futbol????

+0.49 – Sexy calendar that a lot of Horny British teens are probably wanking-off to right now.

+0.02 – To my knowledge has not dated that tool JC Chasez.

-1.50 – Not Latina.
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7.29 – Queen Elizabeth would be proud of the showing her people have made on The Bastardly.

Avril Lavigne's New Look: No Longer Punk!

God damn, what a difference an engagement, a new stylist & a few months can make. Avril looks like a any randomyuppy girl you’d spot when hitting up these functions. Let’s hope she doesn’t tip-toe her way into the Dark Side & befriend someone like Paris or Nicole. Maybe this is a new beginning into something really beautiful?

Whatever’s going down, it sure appears as if Avril was recently released from the music industry’s greedy prison—the same prison in which she was forced to play the role of some lame, little punk rockin’ chick (from Canada), who had a penchant for getting wasted & flicking off the paparazzi.

Here are a few more pics to help Avril’s transformation sink in.

Jamie Gertz: Succulently "Standing Still"

My God. First Kari Wuhrer & now 40-year old Jamie Gertz. This should be MILF Week on the Bastardly.

Any girl in her 20s would be content with Jamie’s pair of melons. These were snapped up by the Great Kitt 5000 (the dude who captures these photos from TV shows) off last week’s episode of Standing Still. I have yet to catch any episodes of this show, but now that I’ve seen these pics, my Tivo will be working overtime.

For those looking to tune in this week, check it out on Wednesday @ 8PM ET/PT.

A few more follow.

Kari Wuhrer: Art Of Drunken MILFilicious Posing

Kari Wuhrer: Born April 28, 19-bloody-67. It’s fairly obvious that this lady takes care of herself. I know she has a little pudge here & there, but give her a break.

Unfortunately, her name reminds me too much of THE Fuhrer (yes kids, the same Fuhrer w/ that funny tache who murdered a few million people last century). So yeah, name change is a definitely an option b/c let’s admit it, she’s too damn sexy to be associated with such an evil personality.

Aside from that, Kari’s an expert in striking provocative poses. She was recently at an Armani Par-taaay (apparently she was drunk, high or whatever) & with the help of some of good ‘ole paparazzi-coaxing, Kari went wild.

Check it!

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