Category Archives: Fashion

Heidi Klum's Busted Knees Portend Blow-Job Fetish

Seal, 41, proposed to Klum, 31, during the past holiday season, flying her to a 14,000-foot glacier and presenting her with a canary diamond. [MSNBC]

Or maybe she fell a few times when she was on the glacier?!

Who knows & I don’t think anyone really cares about these two anymore. They’re just so out there in ‘super-weird-couple-land‘ that people just don’t want to know what the hell’s up w/ them.

I wish them well, but Heidi should seriously consider getting on her knees to orally service Seal only on comfortable surfaces. Control yourself, sistah!

Anyway, here’s the full photo from which I cropped the knees. Her dress looks it was picked it up from the sale-rack @ Sears.

Adriana Lima To Be Tommy Lee'd?!?!


You don’t say!

Yes, that’s what the bullshitters @ SF Gate have conjured up in their creative writing department. This slipped by, so here’s the scoop in all it’s glory…

Rocker Tommy Lee has his sights set on supermodel Adriana Lima.
The Motley Crue drummer has been seen out and about with Tara Reid recently,
but insists, “I’m single and just lovin’ it.”

But that will change if he ever hooks up with Sports Illustrated covergirl
Lima.

He says, “Adriana is stunning. She’s unbelievable. She’s smoking. I would
love to date her.” [SF Gate]

So sadly, Tara & Tommy were engaged only @ the hip—even that engagement lasted only for so long. Regardless, we all know that Tommy Lee has one of the largest Peniseseses in the world & that Adriana Lima is a super petite model straight out of the ghettos of Brasil. So with that tidbit in hand, once Tommy is through with Adriana, will she be able walk or model ever again?!

The Slutty See-Thru Look

Why aren’t more chicks catching on to this look? Then again, for every super hot girl that you’d see on any given day, there’d be around 10 others (20, with my luck) that we all could do w/out seeing in scandalous see-thru attire. Oh, the trade-offs in life!

Regardless, here’s our mini-collection*.

*Girls looking to send us photos of themselves dressed in see-thru clothing, please direct them to this email.

Oakley Pushes The Half-Sweater

For their 2005-2006 show in NYC, Oakley pushed something truly funky: The half-sweater. Technically, the design is pretty useless in keeping anyone warm, but from a style & foreplay standpoint, I can see it working.

In the superficial crowd, indecision is king. There’s now an answer to that all elusive question, “I’m cold, but I still want to show off my new boobs. What do I do?” No worries, girls, Oakley has come to the rescue.

Now on chilly nights, boyfriends, adulterous acquaintances & legitimate husbands can enjoy one warm & one cool boob on exclusive beaches all around the world. How’s that for indulgence?

Class Life: Argentinean Workout

So, you just bagged a woman who likes to workout, huh? What do you do in terms of gifts?!

Of course, you can follow the traditional superficial & overly expensive path of showering her with useless jewelry (in exchange for the booty), but as you know, jewelry encourages nothing more than the desire to receive even more of the shiny stuff. Naturally, for the sake of your precious bank account & priceless sanity, super tight & sexy workout attire is the perfect surprise for the modern hottie.

With that in hand, Argentinean born & bred, Class Life, has a few tasty answers. All styles below were showcased in Miami earlier this month.

Petra Nemcova: Giving Cuteness A New Meaning

A couple weeks ago I randomly turned on the TV (a very rare thing, mind you) & then somehow landed on Larry King Live (an even rarer thing). Usually when I land on Larry King, I first ask myself his age & then ponder why CNN hasn’t booted his ass back to the monkey exhibition @ the local zoo. Rather than bumping the show for a session of pulling weeds in my lawn, my eyes met w/ those of Petra Nemcova’s & it was instant one-sided television love. Truly sad, but it’s the honest truth, my friends.

In my book, Petra doesn’t fall into that random hot-girl category, but she’s much more (much-much more!). She’s in the ultra exclusive, “you’re so cute, I want to spend the rest of my life with you” category. I’m sure we’ve each met / seen a similar person in our own lives. God have mercy on her!

So with that in hand, how does such a hot girl like Petra end up on bloody Larry King?! We heard another one of those rumors, so listen carefully. Luckily, Petra’s agent was at one of those fashion-parties over the weekend & naturally, he did a ton of crack w/ the likes of anorexic Lindsay, Nicole, Donatella & Angry Naomi. When he was about to sniff up his 6th line of the night, his phone rang.

CNN: Hi, how are you?
Petra’s Agent: Huh?
CNN: Good to hear. Can Petra come on Larry King tomorrow night.
Petra’s Agent: Right on. We’ll be there.

So there you have it. Petra’s appearance on Larry King was courtesy of cocaine. God, I love that drug!

On a more serious note, check out some of Petra’s photos from her recovery in Thailand.

Arianne Proves That Canada Has Taste

I was shocked at the level of elegance—espcially from a Canadian company!! Very impressive, to say the least.

I know that we have many beautiful readers out there who want to be comfy when they’re about to hit the sack or possibly (hopefully) model something cute for their lovas (riiight), so check out some of these styles & please go on a lingerie binge w/ your credit cards. There can never be enough lingerie in a woman’s closet.

Remember, life is short, so why not be sexy? That should be every beautiful woman’s motto.

* Make your purchases @ The Lingerie Collection or of course, HipUndies.com

* E-Mail photos of yourself modeling your purchases to The Bastardly.

All styles featured below were shown @ the Miami Fashion Week earlier this month. Enjoy.

Official: Tyra & UPN On Crack

I know the entire show is based on superficial judging techniques that only anorexic chicks & angry has-beens like Tyra comprehend, but doesn’t level of hotness play any role in winning a beauty contest?!

I’m not saying that Naima is ugly or anything, alright. All I’m saying is that there were chicks who were way hotter! For God’s sake, Naima looks like a resident of some indigenous community straight out of Africa or Brazil. What the fuck were they thinking? Brittany, on the other hand, has hotness written all over her.

To help explain the bullshit, two simple conclusions come to mind.

1. Since Tyra is a complete angry bitch & has one of the biggest egos in the western hemisphere, I’ll have to say that she was quite simply jealous of Brittany’s beauty. That’s what bitches with planet-size egos do, my friends. They stab prettier chicks in the back by sleeping with their boyfriends.

2. And of course, there’s always the possibility that Naima whored herself to UPN execs when she wasn’t busy kissing Tyra’s white-washed booty. Major ass-kissing & sleeping around w/ rich & powerful execs bound by wedlock will always get you fatter paychecks, plump bonuses, & awards.

At the end we can only be sure of one thing: Whoever was getting a piece of Brittany during the taping of this show got to enjoy some very nice “let-me-please-cheer-you-up” sex upon her disqualification. Lucky bastard!

Now for a couple photos.

Helen Hunt On Fashion Crack

What compels a person to walk out the house looking like a hippi who doesn’t give a shit?! Maybe it’s the fact that their head is so damn huge after years in the superficial limelight that they begin to feel indestructible when it comes to fashion? A possible thought that crosses their mind: “Oh, let me just rub my shit all over myself today! I’m sure people will love its wonderful scent & color smothered all over my sexy, million dollar body!”

Yum.

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