Category Archives: Fashion

Oakley Pushes The Half-Sweater

For their 2005-2006 show in NYC, Oakley pushed something truly funky: The half-sweater. Technically, the design is pretty useless in keeping anyone warm, but from a style & foreplay standpoint, I can see it working.

In the superficial crowd, indecision is king. There’s now an answer to that all elusive question, “I’m cold, but I still want to show off my new boobs. What do I do?” No worries, girls, Oakley has come to the rescue.

Now on chilly nights, boyfriends, adulterous acquaintances & legitimate husbands can enjoy one warm & one cool boob on exclusive beaches all around the world. How’s that for indulgence?

Class Life: Argentinean Workout

So, you just bagged a woman who likes to workout, huh? What do you do in terms of gifts?!

Of course, you can follow the traditional superficial & overly expensive path of showering her with useless jewelry (in exchange for the booty), but as you know, jewelry encourages nothing more than the desire to receive even more of the shiny stuff. Naturally, for the sake of your precious bank account & priceless sanity, super tight & sexy workout attire is the perfect surprise for the modern hottie.

With that in hand, Argentinean born & bred, Class Life, has a few tasty answers. All styles below were showcased in Miami earlier this month.

Petra Nemcova: Giving Cuteness A New Meaning

A couple weeks ago I randomly turned on the TV (a very rare thing, mind you) & then somehow landed on Larry King Live (an even rarer thing). Usually when I land on Larry King, I first ask myself his age & then ponder why CNN hasn’t booted his ass back to the monkey exhibition @ the local zoo. Rather than bumping the show for a session of pulling weeds in my lawn, my eyes met w/ those of Petra Nemcova’s & it was instant one-sided television love. Truly sad, but it’s the honest truth, my friends.

In my book, Petra doesn’t fall into that random hot-girl category, but she’s much more (much-much more!). She’s in the ultra exclusive, “you’re so cute, I want to spend the rest of my life with you” category. I’m sure we’ve each met / seen a similar person in our own lives. God have mercy on her!

So with that in hand, how does such a hot girl like Petra end up on bloody Larry King?! We heard another one of those rumors, so listen carefully. Luckily, Petra’s agent was at one of those fashion-parties over the weekend & naturally, he did a ton of crack w/ the likes of anorexic Lindsay, Nicole, Donatella & Angry Naomi. When he was about to sniff up his 6th line of the night, his phone rang.

CNN: Hi, how are you?
Petra’s Agent: Huh?
CNN: Good to hear. Can Petra come on Larry King tomorrow night.
Petra’s Agent: Right on. We’ll be there.

So there you have it. Petra’s appearance on Larry King was courtesy of cocaine. God, I love that drug!

On a more serious note, check out some of Petra’s photos from her recovery in Thailand.

Arianne Proves That Canada Has Taste

I was shocked at the level of elegance—espcially from a Canadian company!! Very impressive, to say the least.

I know that we have many beautiful readers out there who want to be comfy when they’re about to hit the sack or possibly (hopefully) model something cute for their lovas (riiight), so check out some of these styles & please go on a lingerie binge w/ your credit cards. There can never be enough lingerie in a woman’s closet.

Remember, life is short, so why not be sexy? That should be every beautiful woman’s motto.

* Make your purchases @ The Lingerie Collection or of course, HipUndies.com

* E-Mail photos of yourself modeling your purchases to The Bastardly.

All styles featured below were shown @ the Miami Fashion Week earlier this month. Enjoy.

Official: Tyra & UPN On Crack

I know the entire show is based on superficial judging techniques that only anorexic chicks & angry has-beens like Tyra comprehend, but doesn’t level of hotness play any role in winning a beauty contest?!

I’m not saying that Naima is ugly or anything, alright. All I’m saying is that there were chicks who were way hotter! For God’s sake, Naima looks like a resident of some indigenous community straight out of Africa or Brazil. What the fuck were they thinking? Brittany, on the other hand, has hotness written all over her.

To help explain the bullshit, two simple conclusions come to mind.

1. Since Tyra is a complete angry bitch & has one of the biggest egos in the western hemisphere, I’ll have to say that she was quite simply jealous of Brittany’s beauty. That’s what bitches with planet-size egos do, my friends. They stab prettier chicks in the back by sleeping with their boyfriends.

2. And of course, there’s always the possibility that Naima whored herself to UPN execs when she wasn’t busy kissing Tyra’s white-washed booty. Major ass-kissing & sleeping around w/ rich & powerful execs bound by wedlock will always get you fatter paychecks, plump bonuses, & awards.

At the end we can only be sure of one thing: Whoever was getting a piece of Brittany during the taping of this show got to enjoy some very nice “let-me-please-cheer-you-up” sex upon her disqualification. Lucky bastard!

Now for a couple photos.

Helen Hunt On Fashion Crack

What compels a person to walk out the house looking like a hippi who doesn’t give a shit?! Maybe it’s the fact that their head is so damn huge after years in the superficial limelight that they begin to feel indestructible when it comes to fashion? A possible thought that crosses their mind: “Oh, let me just rub my shit all over myself today! I’m sure people will love its wonderful scent & color smothered all over my sexy, million dollar body!”

Yum.

Wanama Heats Up Buenos Aires. Ow!


From the Estilo Alcorta en Buenos Aires, 2005

First, keep in mind that Buenos Aires is a little fresco nowadays while it’s summer here in the States. You should also note that Argentinean women wear clothes that scandalously show off their legs—God, I gotta move there for about 6 months!!!

Well, all the styles below come courtesy of Wanama in Argentina. I love the brand & that’s not only because they use ultra hot models wearing next to nothing to show off their latest ideas, but because they have a pretty solid line. Come to think of it, their summer line should be hitting the runways in a couple months, so loook out, kiddies!

Anyway girls (& guys who like to view hot, runway models), flip through the next few pages & please consider buying a couple outfits so that you can send us sexy photos!

Visit Wanama’s website to make all your purchases.

Kelly Osbourne Boobies Nearly Explode. Again.

What is up with Kelly Osbourne? When her daddy dressed up all funky, it was cool & funny, but why is that when Kelly tries to replicate her pappy’s fashion, she forces people to question her sanity? Does being different seriously have to involve potentially harming innocent bystanders? Just look at those boobies. My god. There is no way in hell that’s gotta be comfortable.

Girls, please help me out here. If boobs are supposed to be somewhat sensitive, then this sort of madwoman-squeezing must inflict some sort of internal damage. Speak out for the sake of Kelly’s boobies, girls! They need your help.

Liz Hurley's Indian Transformation Nearly Complete

Liz adorned her beautiful bod w/ an amazing sari. She was on display @ the Red Hot Pink Party last week in support of breast cancer research.

The sari must have run Arun Nayar at least $5k (chump-change for the Indian pimpdaddy) . The kind of work seen on this particular sari probably required the labor of countless 5-year olds over a period of 6 months, but the end result is obviously magnificent! Let’s hope the tailor (and his low-waged slaves) were well compensated for their work.

Look below for a few more snaps of Liz.

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