Category Archives: Fashion

Kelly Osbourne Boobies Nearly Explode. Again.

What is up with Kelly Osbourne? When her daddy dressed up all funky, it was cool & funny, but why is that when Kelly tries to replicate her pappy’s fashion, she forces people to question her sanity? Does being different seriously have to involve potentially harming innocent bystanders? Just look at those boobies. My god. There is no way in hell that’s gotta be comfortable.

Girls, please help me out here. If boobs are supposed to be somewhat sensitive, then this sort of madwoman-squeezing must inflict some sort of internal damage. Speak out for the sake of Kelly’s boobies, girls! They need your help.

Liz Hurley's Indian Transformation Nearly Complete

Liz adorned her beautiful bod w/ an amazing sari. She was on display @ the Red Hot Pink Party last week in support of breast cancer research.

The sari must have run Arun Nayar at least $5k (chump-change for the Indian pimpdaddy) . The kind of work seen on this particular sari probably required the labor of countless 5-year olds over a period of 6 months, but the end result is obviously magnificent! Let’s hope the tailor (and his low-waged slaves) were well compensated for their work.

Look below for a few more snaps of Liz.

Reese Witherspoon (a.k.a. Khalen) Next America's Top Model Winner!


The D-List reports that Tyra killed all the other girls one night after she got a little upset except for Khalen, who’s currently in critical condition in the ER. By default, Khalen was announced the winner.

Damn! I was really pulling for Brittany even though I’ve only seen small clips of Rebecca fainting & Angry Tyra’s huge meltdown.

I still can’t believe Angry-Bitchy-Tyra used “defeatist attitude” in her verbal assault on that poor, little, single mommy, Tiffany. I’m hoping for a lawsuit against Angry Tyra to hit the wires soon, but chances of thatt happening look pretty slim considering how Tiffany’s convinced that Tyra loves her (dumbass model). In a recent interview with About.com, Tiffany explains how she felt that exact moment as Tyra was slappin’ her ass around.

Oh my goodness. Was I mad at her? I wanted to hit her! I was so upset with her at that moment after she told me shut up. My mom doesn’t even tell me shut up because when she tells me shut up, I’m not going to hear anything after. I’m going to roll my eyes and suck my teeth. I’m not going to hear anything! So at the moment, I didn’t hear anything else that she said. I was just like ‘Whatever, get out of my face.’ But when I came home and watched it and heard everything that she said, like when she said ‘My mom yells at me like this because she loves me.’ At the moment, I was thinking ‘But you ain’t my momma.’ But with me watching, I’m like this lady really cares about me. [About.com]

How sweet would it have been if Tiffany jumped on Tyra & pounded away? God, I hope they do some special catfight on Pay-Per-View. I’d seriously pay upwards of $30 for that shit.

Donatella Versace: Cocaine Was So Much Fun!

In the May issue of Vogue, Donatella Versace sounds off about her 17-year affair w/ Mr. Crack Cocaine. 17-years, man. So, how on earth does someone stop sniffin’ the goods after 17-bloody-years?

I had so much fun. I had the best time of my life.
[Donatella Versace- Vogue Magazine, May 2005 via The Santa Fe New Mexican]

There you have it kids. Start doing cocaine because it beats watching TV, playing videogames & sports & for all you older people, it’s much wilder than alcohol & weed (put together!). You can grab a stash of The Big C if can manage to hit up any high-profile parties or if your network isn’t so strong, just head to the local ghettos & talk to some shady brothas.

But, when the lights die down & the parties stop becoming fun, you can quit! Donatella explains her secret…

I stopped using cocaine because of what happened. I couldn’t go late to work, because Gianni wasn’t there. I had to organize my company, my family. My whole life changed completely. I didn’t even think about doing it. But it wasn’t as though I was going to stop my behavior forever. I wish I had.

I was crying, laughing, crying, sleeping _ I couldn’t understand when I was talking; people couldn’t understand me. I think if I didn’t go (to rehab) I would have died.

Apart from the small prospect of death & people not understanding what the fuck she was talking about when she came to work after doing a few lines, it was HER INABILITY TO SLEEP IN that forced Donatella’s ass to “quit” crack. If her ass didn’t quit, she would’ve become a crackwhore on the streets of Italy rather than the Empress of Versace.

I don’t care what Donatella says, but when you do coke for 17 years, no amount of rehab is going to stop you from heading back to Mr. Sniffy-sniffy. Then again, it looks kinda weird being the only 50-year old doing lines in a group of beautifully anorexic 20-somethings.

Liz Hurley's New Beachwear Line


Liz Hurley with her Indian Billionaire-Boytoy, Arun Nayar, @ Harrods in London. She was busy showing off her new beachwear line.

First off, I love Liz Hurley not only because she’s absolutely beautiful, but b/c she’s sleeping w/ an Indian man. Yo go girl! More sexy models need to sleep with Indian men.

Now, let’s plug her newly released goods. In an interview w/ NY Times, Liz talks about the tough business of modeling beachwear.

I was so self-conscious then. It took me six years to be comfortable modeling a swimsuit. Now modeling is kind of like eating apples. It’s not splitting the atom, you know? [NY Times]

The Mandy Moore Hottness Theory; Japan Coach Ads

Mandy Moore is tip-top booty-real-estate at the moment. I don’t know why guys aren’t clamoring all over her b/c she has long-term hotness written all over her. The Mandy Moore Hotness Theory is very simple & even more superficial.

Let’s take Britney Spears for example. We all know that she was once hot, but now (unfortunately), even though she’s still super young, Britney has become complacent in all aspects of her life. This complacency has led to the extra baggage, the acne, the bad hair, & of course, gluttony! On the other side of the Planet Hotness we have Ms. Mandy Moore.

God have mercy.

Her level of success has stayed steady, the paparazzi have left her ass alone & she pretty much leads the life she wants to live. It is this lifestyle that contributes to Mandy’s stress-free look & long-term hotness.

Just look at these ads Mandy did for Coach’s spring 2005 Japan ad campaign. Aaah…Mandy is so refreshingly hot that it’s not even funny.

[Props to Mandy Media for the photos]

Japanese Hottie @ Coach's Tokyo Press Conference

Japanese Hottie @ Coach Press Conference

Oh my god! She has a nose, eyes & solid lips!! Rock on!

I know I’m gonna get shit for this, but I’ll come out and say it any way. Most Japanese chicks don’t turn me on. My apologies go out to all Japanese hotties who’ve (unfortunately) found this post. But, my friends, that’s only my initial reaction to these super quiet, sexual beasts (a.k.a. Japanese Chicks). Even though they’re all mostly featureless when it comes to the bod-department, I gotta say, I’ve met some ultra-freaky Japanese chicks.

There was this one chick in college that had a new hicky every day of the week—I don’t know whether it was a freaky boyfriend issue or what, but multiple hickies in a single week automatically throws you in the ‘I’m-freaky-in-bed’ category. So yeah, I guess you can’t have it all, right? Their crazy, animal-style rage in bed compensates for their lack of boobies, voluptuous asses & facial characteristics. But, is the trade off worth it? Tough call…

Ok, now that my Japanese Girl Theory is out, let’s talk about this hottie pictured above! Oh man. Anyone (possibly Varian?) know this chick? She’s got that elusive hot girl look on her face & I’m really diggin’ it. It might be b/c she’s standing really close to Mandy Moore & Mandy’s hotness-vibes are carrying over on to her. Regardless of whether she’s super hot in person or not, I wouldn’t mind eating sushi off that bod. Ow!

Here are a few more photos of this chick & from the press conference.

Porn Star Paris A Teen Role Model

I love doing makeovers. I’ve been doing this with my sister and all of our friends for years, so I thought it would be really fun, and I was excited to meet the girls and dress them up. [The Insider Online]

Don’t you just wanna get your kids style critiqued by Paris Hilton? An upcoming issue of ELLEgirl will have Paris fixing up 3 teenie boppers. The whored out souls include 18-year-old Helen Exposito, 15-year-old Kate Webster, 16-year-old Sophia Reale & last but not least, 18-year-old Stephanie Vu. Yes, a bloody Asian chick?! Wow. Must be 2nd or 3rd generation.

Crazy shit, I tell you.

So yeah, a note to guys who’ve been waiting all their lives to get into the above mentioned girls’ pants: This is your chance, my brothas! These girls have not only been schooled in the art of whore-attire, but also the art of strategically whoring their bods, as well. If you have money & if any of these chicks are hot, pounce away, baby!

Heidi Klum + Seal + Crazy, Wild Sex = Baby!

Her rep had no comment on the pregnancy but a friend reported to Star Magazine, “She is pregnant [and] they are very, very happy.� [Blogging Baby]

Oh-oh! Looks like someone had unprotected sex on Valentine’s day! Heidi Klum obviously doesn’t believe in contraceptives b/c only 11 months following the birth of her daughter, she goes & gets hit up w/ Seal’s kid. It’s either the contraceptives theory or quite simply that Heidi is a sluttaroo!

If history repeats itself, Seal should be out of the picture sometime around July. By August, Heidi will find another man to service her sexy bod & repeat the process all over again.

Look below if you want to see a scary photo of Seal.

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