This post …

is pretty much about nothing. I am trying to fill space so every time I come to the site I don’t have to see that scary picture. Geez Moe!!! My god, I can’t look at it anymore. So I have decided to give some culture to the many readers of Bastardly (more importantly to save myself from viewing that god awful picture). Below is a picture of the Floating Market in Thailand. Its famous! You get on a boat and buy shit from other boats.

Michael Jackson's Suicidal Tendencies

Michael Jackson’s Mask
Buy the mask & steal candy from little boys! I’m kidding!!

Michael ain’t going to jail, he’s going to commit suicide first. [contactmusic]

I can’t tell whether that was a death threat or what, but at least now we have a suspect if Michael does die? That was Jermaine, one of Michael’s money thirsty brothers, spilling those words of encouragement to The Sun. It’s truly tragic to see what the media, the judicial system and bastard parents of innocent kids have done to the man who created one of the greatest albums in the history of music (Bad)! They have taken the life of a man who knows only how to give love (even though at times he goes about it strangely). So, a big fuck you from all of us here to those evildoers mentioned above (Eminem, inclusive).

I Will Marry This Man.

This is yet one of my exciting crush of the week posts. Never in my life have I met a man on TV that has made me feel all the things this man has made me feel. Jon Stewart is my GOD. There is just something about an informed man. A witty man. A hot and sexy yet distinguished man. A man that, yes looks good in those goddamn suits. I’m really not into the suit thing .. but geez that man does it. As I have mentioned the list before … Jon Stewart is DEFINITELY on that elite list of 5 men that rule my world. (If you are keeping tabs … Johnny Depp is also on that list)

If you don’t know who this man is… you should seriously crawl in a hole and die a very slow death. He is the epitome of patriotism, the man who is working for us all. I watch the Daily Show on Comedy Central everyday. He just makes me laugh. I love him.

Please watch this clip of Jon Stewart on CNN It will change your life. It changed mine.

Rachel Perry On The Howard Stern Show

Have you guys seen this girl? She reminds me a bit of Gisele, except she’s not as supermodely (if that makes any sense). She’s a freaky VJ on VH1. By the way, does anyone watch that channel anymore?

Well, Rachel was recently on the show pluggin’ away a MAXIM Swimsuit (a.k.a. skimpy bikini) DVD. I don’t know, but she came off a little fake to me. Kind of kissing up, but at the same time you knew she didn’t like the whole dirty aura of the show. Anyway, seeing as to how Ms. Perry was there for the DVD about chicks in bikinis, Howard naturally asked her to try on one from his collection. She used every excuse in the book. He gave up. Then he asked her to try on a funky Irish school girl outfit. Hilarious, I tell you. She refused on this as well. Rachel, my sistah! A little skin here and there is harmless, baby! Plus, it’ll help sell DVDs.

Ok, here’s what she was sporting the day of her interview. Side note: this girl is tattooed up! Check out her back.

Rachel Perry
Those are wings, right?

Angelina – Esquire's Most Beautiful & Sexy Alcoholic!

God have mercy on that small bottle of booze! (Is that tequila?)

Ok so this has been known for a week or so now, but I was waiting for the perfect photo to make this post a reality. In the latest edition of Esquire Mag, you’ll see a beautiful layout of Angelina, along with an interview. I’m gonna get pics up from the mag later, but for the meantime, below are a few lines from the interview to drive you craaazaay.

The tattoos, the blood, cutting myself – it’s all very much who I am. If you knew me privately, you might think I was even wilder than my reputation. But I’m also much softer. I’m a soft woman. Softer than people think.

Can I feel just how soft you are? …Pretty please?

If you ask people what they’ve always wanted to do, most people haven’t done it. That breaks my heart.

You hear that, everyone?! We are young! Rise up!

The media reports things in certain ways. They know exactly what they’re doing. Like in Darfur, Sudan, they say that the violence is Arabs against blacks. You read this and you get a certain picture in your mind. But the truth is, on both sides, the people all look exactly the same! Most people don’t realize this. It’s significant.

Those bastards!

For a while there I started to experiment a little with g forces; I got a little g-force happy. I did it with Madd in the plane the other day. And his little face turned red and he couldn’t stop laughing.

I’m telling you, the little bugger won the Adoption Mega Lottery! Go Madd!

60-Year Old Mob Boss Killed In India!

Not My Dad
No Brian, this is not a photo of my dad.

Finally, they got the old bastard. He’s been running around since the 60s, for God’s sake! Some kind words follow.

In July 1993, Veerappan – who had a 20 million rupee (£243,000) bounty on his head – was said to have strangled his newly born female baby because she was the third girl in a row born to him.

Dude! That’s just not right! Who the hell strangles a baby?!

Teri Hatcher @ The Stern Show

As promised, here’s a photo of Teri Hatcher the day she was Howard Stern Show…
Sexy Teri Hatcher

I told you she was hot!! Does she know how to plug a show or what?

Now, close your eyes (yes, even you Samantha & Melissa) and imagine her slowly crawling on the ground towards you. No biting (Jackson)!

Virgin's Outer Space Playlist!

Where will $200k take your ass? In a couple years, your ass can be flying into outer space while countless here on Earth suffer from hunger & disease. Apart from this indulgence being a one day ticket to hell, there’s also one thing for sure about Virgin Galactic SpaceShipOne’s first flight:

1. No brotha will be on the passenger list

Why make such a racist prediction? Well, just look at the play list that’s slowly taking shape, for God’s sake. There is no Jazz, no NWA, Snoop, Dre, Busta, Tupac, etc etc. No color, I tell you.

1. Bloody 200-year old, David Bowie leading the way with Space Oddity. This will go down in history as the first song to be played when paying-humans first headed into space. SAD. Truly fucking sad. [Ireland Online]
2. The Police – Walking on the Moon
3. Oasis – All Around the World
4. REM – Man on the Moon
5. Beatles – Here Comes the Sun

Here’s how Bowie’s Space Oddity tragically ends…

The Bastardly Talk – Angelina, Dave Navarro, Club Paris, Housewives Hit

The latest in the business of superficial talk.

Angelina, I will be loyal. Promise. I’ll even learn Cambodian for Maddox.

I have to concentrate on my son. That’s why I have lovers right now and not a boyfriend. I don’t want my son to start calling somebody Daddy unless that person’s gonna stay. [Yahoo!]

Damn Dave Navarro, damn his ugly-ass goatee & damn his 30 inch penis!! Here he talks about having separate rooms so that when Carmen wants to get down with some of her girls in some lesbian action, she’ll have another room.

One of the things that we do, which is important I think for relationships is I have a room that’s my room and she has a room that’s her room. When we need space… That’s where my porn is, that’s where my digital satellite is. We have mutual corners so, like, if somebody’s edgy I can go in and play PlayStation for six hours at a time. [contactmusic]

Angelina Jolie wants to build a little trust.

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