Bill O'Reilly: Another Rich Man With No Taste

Andrea Mackris
Monica Seles body double?

We must commend Hefs for his taste in the beautiful bunnies that bounce around his love-pad. Now, people like Bill Clinton & Bill O’Reilly take care of their sexual business in pretty fuggly ways. Everyone knows Monica Lewinsky was fat, alright. But that didn’t keep Billy-Boy from playing “Pokey-Pokey Cigar” with her body. It was recently revealed that Bill O’Reilly has fetish to play a phone-sex operator with various co-workers while he wacks off behind his desk. DUDE! Both of you highly qualified men have boat loads of money & can easily pay Aruban prostitutes to service you & have the entire episode(s) remain out of the public eye. Here’s a sample of Bill O’Reilly’s amazing talent on the phone as found in the court documents kindly flaunted by The Smoking Gun. In this particular excerpt, our kinky Bill O’Reilly is explaining how he’d invade her [Andrea Mackris] body:

You’d basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I’d join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda’ soap up your back…rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water…and up…you know, you’d feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda’ put my arm—it’s on of those mitts, those loffa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it…and I would put it around front, kinda’ rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, and get your nipples really hard…’cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs…

So anyway I’d be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda’ kissing your neck from behind and then I would take the other hand with the falafel (sic) thing and I’d put it on your pussy but you’d have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business…

Wow. Deep stuff, but one question remains. Is ‘falafel’ short for “my extremely large penis” in the phone-sex world? Help me out here, Jackson.

The Bastardly Talk by Angelina, Paris, Mr. Damon, & The FCC

The sexy Angelina Jolie was recently asked the superficial question of how she did Lola’s voice in the popular movie, Shark’s Tale.

I just had to think a lot of naughty thoughts. It’s kind of my bedroom voice, my phone-sex voice. It’s just a deeper side of my voice when I’m in a mood. [Female First]

Was that response scripted b/c it was downright hot!

Ben Affleck & Matt Damon are finally coming out the closet.

My longest relationship with a woman lasted two and a half years. That’s very short when I consider how long I’ve been friends with Ben. [Annaova]

Bastard FCC’s commentary on the $1.2mil fine levied on Fox.

Even with Fox’s editing, the episode includes scenes in which partygoers lick whipped cream from strippers’ bodies in a sexually suggestive manner. [AZCentral]

How the fuck are you suppose to lick whipped cream off of someone’s body and have it not be done in a sexually suggestive manner. Maybe the FCC bitches can strip their business suits and demonstrate.

How’s Paris going to respond now? We’ve recently asked the question: Is Paris Hilton a racist? Paris’ bastard ex-friend answers.

She was forever using the ‘N-word.’

I told her not to use it. It was offensive. But she just laughed. She is a racist, plus an idiot. Every black person she referred to was a ‘ni****’.
[Female First]

Now, seriously. Was the ‘idiot’ comment really necessary? It appears these comments have very little merit. Irregardless, Paris has two choices. Hire a brotha to make a hit or she can do what we’ve proposed: make a sex video w/ a famous brotha & get back to sellin’ some Paris merchandise.

Ghetto South Carolina Sex Offenders

This website was brought to attention by lazy co-workers.

James Murphy

Name: James Murphy David

Age: 58

Date of Crime: 1991-09-10


Seriously, man. Where is the love in our society? I have to admit though, you can browse that site for about 5-10 minutes before getting grossed out & of course, feeling guilty for enjoying a resource that was rooted by sexual crimes committed upon helpless children & women. [If you can manage to put your conscience aside, here’s a browsing tip: If you chose Taylors as the City & then choose a guy named HORACE ELMORE ANDREWS, you’ll find something funny.]

*Ms.* Teri Hatcher's Howard Stern Appearance

Damn you, Mickey Mouse!
Mickey fondling Teri’s ass…(not shown)

Yes, kiddos. It’s been now over a year since Teri’s escape from an overly long & painful marriage with Jon Tenney (she’s still single, by the way). Why the divorce? She claims she was “tired of being sad.” Typical Hollywood excuse that makes little sense, but simply translates into, “I’m now 40 & I ‘m ready to use my fame and fortune to travel the world w/ random rich men with whom I do not want long-term relationships.” Rock on, Teri! We’re all for divorces, bastard children & promiscuous sex! [Watch a recent ET interview in which she looks absolutely blazin’.]

Ok, I’m going off topic. Recently, Teri was on the Howard Stern show. She came decked out in a super tight, yet extremely elegant red dress similar to the black dress that Monica Bellucci wore in the 2nd Matrix. In short, she was downright sexy. [I’ll try to find photos.]

Well, Howard went on with his normal biz & then naturally stumped upon the exercise issue (Teri has a kid & he was curious how she still looks so damn hot!). She does Pilates like every other chick in the country these days, BUT she also partakes in a private exercise class called the S-Factor. I’m assuming the ‘S’ stands for stripper b/c the class comprises of a bunch of MILFs (assumption) getting together & doing stripper moves, all while they further flatten their bellies & tighten their asses. It�s apparently also supposed to empower women & bring out their feminist side. For the record, I will allow any (hot) woman (as long as she won’t talk dirty into my ear in Vietnamese!) to empower herself while giving me a lap dance.

Naturally, Howard asked beautiful Teri to show off her S-Factor moves. BY GOD! Teri Hatcher is still bloody hot. She was crawling on the floor, swinging her hair everywhere & looked as if she was gonna eat Howard alive. Damn you, Howard! Obviously the lap dance she performed on Howard worked wonders in the PR department b/c I’m now compelled to do a review of her new show, Desperate Housewives.

Body Double: Angelina Jolie & Anonymous Cia Maritma Model

Angelina Jolie Body Double
First, I would like to say that Brazillian women are absolutely hot! They rank up there with the Thais, Ruskies & Indians!

I wish I had the model’s name, but if any of you horny people know, please comment below. All I know is that she was modeling for Cia Maritma @ the Sao Paulo Fashion Week, Summer 2005.

Body double analysis: In order for this model to become a Angelina Clone, I suggest she get a tip-top surgeon to inject a little botox into her upper lip. Other than that, Angie just has a little meatier appearance, but that’s understandable as she’s no longer paid to be a borderline-anorexic model!

Anyway, in a couple weeks, I’ll be coming out with my top 5 Summer 2005 swimsuits for hotties (especially those special hotties with their beautiful hands deep inside daddy’s disposable income cookie jar).

Hiromi's First Time On E…and we ain't talkin about the tv channel!!!

E-tarded out!!!

Varian Gray has once again come through with another pic of Hiromi Oshima that you won’t find in Playboy or on her official website. Yes, we got the exclusive shit over herre!!!

We’re gonna take you back to October 2002 with this pic. Why does Hiromi have an ear-to-ear smile on her face? Not only is she enjoying the warmness of the jacuzzi tub and the company of Varian but here we see her trying E for the first time!!! All you e-tards out there know the feeling you get when on it…and remember the first time you popped a tab…that’s the elation that is going through Hiromi’s body when this picture was taken.

Now to all you readers you must be thinking that after this photo was taken that Hiromi and Varian must have had some amazingly crazy sex…well, sorry to ruin your wet dreams, but Varian is a bit more classy than that just to bang a well-to-do family girl like that.

*exclusive insider info: all you punkasses out there might think that Varian just wanted to hit that, but I’m here to let you all know that he didn’t have sex with her for nearly 2 months after first kickin it with her….yes, he really did wanna have a serious girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.

Also, to all you sick fiends out there who think she must get into some XXX stuff. Shit, if Varian was a complete dick he could’ve done that way back in the day when he first met her…but he knew better to keep her away from the industry.

If you fiends out there are coming to this site think that we’re going to post XXX stuff of Hiromi and exploit her…that ain’t gonna happen. Varian’s graciousness to share his personal experiences and photos of this yummy playboy playmate is much appreciated. I hate to break it to you all you impatient fucks who slam this site just to see Hiromi pics but Varian cares enough about this girl not to make her out to be an evil whore.

Kobe's Bitch, Paris Porn & Eminem Takes Shots!

Yes, kids. We’ve known this from the very beginning & finally it came out! That chick who Kobe used & abused actually wanted money. Seriously, is anyone actually surprised? It looks like Kate can’t trust yet another bastard friend!

An acquaintance of the woman also said that during a trip to Canada a month after the incident, Bryant’s accuser “seemed to make a joke” about the assault “and commented about money she was going to get from the trial.” [USA Today]

Eminem’s second coming has begun. Once again he’s going to cheap-shot his way into the shrinking wallets of parents across the country. Damn him. Anyway, Michael Jackson’s digging into his bottomless pit of money & suing Eminem for taking unnecessary shots. Dude, why do people have to hate on Michael!?! Bastards. Anyway, here are a couple lines from the new video in reference to innocent Michael:

Come here little kiddie, on my lap, guess who’s back with a brand new rap. And I don’t mean rap as in a case of child molestation. [Ananova]

Let’s hope that those lines sound better in the actual video.

Lastly, our favorite socialite camera-whore is brewing some trouble again. Since this is coming from News of the World, I wouldn’t trust it too much. They claim:

The 23-year-old has been captured on three new 45-minute tapes which feature the most explicit footage yet, including Hilton masturbating, enjoying a steamy romp with a rocker’s daughter and pleasuring two men at the same time, reports Britain’s NEWS OF THE WORLD newspaper.
A source says, “It’s the most explicit stuff Paris has done yet. It’s unquestionably Paris in all three scenes and she seems to be totally enjoying herself in every one.” [contactmusic]

That last statement leads me believe that it’s not Paris in those videos. News of the World is truly a bastardly institution, but we love them for their creativity & their complete disregard for the truth!

Angelina Jolie: Most Beautiful Home-Wrecker!

Angelina Jole
Here’s the latest. Apparently this bombshell of a beauty wants nothing to do w/ movie stars and the like. I don’t blame her, at all. Entertainers already have something up their ass that helps to inflate their heads, so Ms. Jolie has a point. Ok, now that the stars are out of the way, take notes on this hint by Angelina discussing future relationships:

If I ever have a relationship again, I don’t think he’ll be an actor. It will be somebody who can teach me – who’s already inspired to do things that I haven’t thought of yet.

Normally I would puke after reading something that, but Angelina Jolie commands respect from all! Unfortunately, since this is Hollywood, hypocrisy runs wild as you will soon discover.

I was writing the above a week or so ago, so since then, various close friends (a.k.a. Jennifer Aniston’s personal snitches) reveal that something’s up between Angie & Brad Pitt (Brad’s penis, maybe?—ok-ok BAD JOKE!). Anyway, here’s what one of the bastardly snitches divulged to some reporter:

At the moment it’s not looking good. Brad and Angelina are so into each other and stayed in connecting hotel rooms during the filming of Mr and Mrs Smith. I think Jennifer’s worried about his closeness with Jolie. [contactmusic]

I don’t really blame Brad Pitt at all. Let’s not lie to ourselves now. Jennifer Aniston’s next to ugly when put up against Angelina Jolie. Am I right on this or what? Brad, like any man with a 2 balls & a functional penis, is taking advantage of the heavenly circumstances presented to him. Now, they didn’t get connected rooms so Angie could provide Brad with towels when he ran low (or vice versa), but they got connected rooms so they could really get into their roles for Mr. & Mrs. Smith by enjoying mad-crazy-western sex at the middle of the night after Brad gets off his cell w/ Jens.

All I gotta say is: Brad, my Brotha! You seriously hold all cards at the moment. Jennifer Aniston will not dump your ass b/c she knows she can’t do any better, so cheat away, yo!

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