60-Year Old Mob Boss Killed In India!

Not My Dad
No Brian, this is not a photo of my dad.

Finally, they got the old bastard. He’s been running around since the 60s, for God’s sake! Some kind words follow.

In July 1993, Veerappan – who had a 20 million rupee (£243,000) bounty on his head – was said to have strangled his newly born female baby because she was the third girl in a row born to him.

Dude! That’s just not right! Who the hell strangles a baby?!

Teri Hatcher @ The Stern Show

As promised, here’s a photo of Teri Hatcher the day she was Howard Stern Show…
Sexy Teri Hatcher

I told you she was hot!! Does she know how to plug a show or what?

Now, close your eyes (yes, even you Samantha & Melissa) and imagine her slowly crawling on the ground towards you. No biting (Jackson)!

Virgin's Outer Space Playlist!

Where will $200k take your ass? In a couple years, your ass can be flying into outer space while countless here on Earth suffer from hunger & disease. Apart from this indulgence being a one day ticket to hell, there’s also one thing for sure about Virgin Galactic SpaceShipOne’s first flight:

1. No brotha will be on the passenger list

Why make such a racist prediction? Well, just look at the play list that’s slowly taking shape, for God’s sake. There is no Jazz, no NWA, Snoop, Dre, Busta, Tupac, etc etc. No color, I tell you.

1. Bloody 200-year old, David Bowie leading the way with Space Oddity. This will go down in history as the first song to be played when paying-humans first headed into space. SAD. Truly fucking sad. [Ireland Online]
2. The Police – Walking on the Moon
3. Oasis – All Around the World
4. REM – Man on the Moon
5. Beatles – Here Comes the Sun

Here’s how Bowie’s Space Oddity tragically ends…

The Bastardly Talk – Angelina, Dave Navarro, Club Paris, Housewives Hit

The latest in the business of superficial talk.

Angelina, I will be loyal. Promise. I’ll even learn Cambodian for Maddox.

I have to concentrate on my son. That’s why I have lovers right now and not a boyfriend. I don’t want my son to start calling somebody Daddy unless that person’s gonna stay. [Yahoo!]

Damn Dave Navarro, damn his ugly-ass goatee & damn his 30 inch penis!! Here he talks about having separate rooms so that when Carmen wants to get down with some of her girls in some lesbian action, she’ll have another room.

One of the things that we do, which is important I think for relationships is I have a room that’s my room and she has a room that’s her room. When we need space… That’s where my porn is, that’s where my digital satellite is. We have mutual corners so, like, if somebody’s edgy I can go in and play PlayStation for six hours at a time. [contactmusic]

Angelina Jolie wants to build a little trust.

Brooke Burke in November issue of Playboy

Back for another round at Playboy!!!

My dreams have been answered and Brooke Burke has once again graced the cover of Playboy and given us pages to stare at her amazing body and oh so delicious boobies (though they are after-market bolt-ons). But who cares if she got fake titties….her exotic mix of ethnicities makes her so goddam hot that I just wanna stare at that face and the slimmy toned body.

You might recall that she posed for Playboy back in May 2001. Now that was an amazing pictoral too. I have Brooke to thank for getting me through some lonely nights and I bet so do a bunch of you other horny guys out there! Now, we got more ammo to help us through the lonely nights. Thank you Brooke!!!!

Okay, so to compare the two pictorals. I honestly have to say the one from May 2001 was a little better. In this one she shows the titties but no real money shots. Atleast in the first pictoral she was completely naked in all the pics. In this one she wears some belt thingy so we gotta just try to look hard through it or just imagine what goodies lie beneath. Overall though, I’m still glad to have purchased my copy yesterday. Brooke is so goddam hot that if I just saw even one boob in person I think I’d be horny for a week.

…okay, besides the Brooke pictoral I thought I’d comment on the others in the issue.

Miss Teen USA poses nude…oh yes, this has caused a scandal in the beauty pageant world. Okay, this chick is like 19…but goodness she is fine! Her body is sweet and tasty looking. 19…that’s all I gotta say. Nice and tight all over….god, i’m a sick fiend…I swear, it’s a sickness!!!

Playmate of the month is that chick Cara from Road Rules South Pacific and she was on The Inferno. Now, okay, I watched some of that Road Rules and The Inferno and I thought she was a cutie but I didn’t think she was Playboy material. Like on that Road Rules they had that Mary Beth chick who posed for Playboy and she had a smokin body…but Cara was a cutie that didn’t have a total smokin body. Well, I guess things done changed. Damn, her body is fucken tight!!! Have mercy on me but damn, she’s rised fast on the tastibility scale. If you’re not a Brooke fan, this chick is a Mtv reality show star so you should buy it for her!!!!

Overall, this is a great issue of Playboy….all you horny guys out there run out to your local corner store and pick up your copy today!!!!!!!!

Friendships – A Letter to Aunty Yergolskaya

After 1.5 years of searchin’ for a good deal (the Indian way, baby), I finally found one book off my top 10 for a great deal through some used bookstore online (actual store based in Pennsylvania). I picked up Tolstoy’s Letters for 20 bucks! It’s seriously a deal considering it’s a 2-volume set w/ a total of 700+ pages!

Haven’t really gotten past the 10th letter in the first volume, but I found a winner for one of two of you to sample. This is a letter from Tolstoy to one of his favorite aunts, Tatyana Yergolskaya. He greatly loved & respected this woman through his lifetime, but what caught my eye in this letter was not the love he expressed for his Aunty, but the friendship he shared with a guy from Chechenia named, Sado. The selflessness displayed by Sado is truly amazing, to say the least! You’ll soon see…

[Original letter in French]

Dear Aunt,

I just received your letter of 24 November am replying to you straight away (as I have made a habit of doing). Recently I wrote to you that your letter made me cry, and I blamed this weakness on my illness. I was wrong. For some time now all your letters have had the same effect on me. I’ve always been (crybaby Lyova). Formerly this weakness made me ashamed; but the tears I weep when I think of you and your love for us are so sweet that I let them flow without any false shame. Your letter is too full of sadness for it not to produce the same effect on me. It’s you who have always given me counsel, and although unfortunately I have always followed it, I would like to act all my life on your advice only. But for the moment let me tell you the effect your letter has had on me, and the ideas that came to me while reading it. If I speak to frankly to you I know you’ll forgive me on account of my love for you. When you say that it’s your turn to leave us to go and join those who are no more and whom you loved so much; when you say that you ask God to put an end to your existence which seems to you so unbearable and isolated; forgive me, dear Aunt, but it seems to me when you these things that you offend God and me and all of us who love you so much. You ask God for your death, i.e. the greatest misfortune that could happen to me—(this isn’t just talk: God is my witness that the two greatest misfortunes that could happen to me would be your death and that of Nikolay—the two people I love more than myself). What would be left for me if God were to hear your prayer? For whose pleasure should I then wish to become better, to have good qualities, to have a good reputation in the world? When I make plans for happiness for myself, the idea that you will share and enjoy my happiness is always in my mind. When I do something good, I’m satisfied with myself because I know that you’ll be satisfied with me. When I behave badly, what I fear most is to cause you sorrow. Your love is everything to me, and you ask God to separate us! I can’t tell you the feeling that I have for you—words can’t suffice to express it to you and I’m afraid you might think that I’m exaggerating, and yet I weep hot tears as I write to you. It’s to this painful separation that I’m indebted for the knowledge of what a friend I have in you and How much I love you.

And am I the only one to have these feelings for you? And yet you ask God for death! You say that you’re isolated. I may be separated from you, but if you believe in my love, the thought of it should have been enough to counterbalance your sorrow; for myself, wherever I am, I won’t feel isolated as long as I know that I’m loved by you—as I am.

I feel, however that the sentiment which prompts my words is a bad one—that I’m jealous of your grief. Today one of those things happened to me which would have made be believe in God if I hadn’t already believed in Him firmly for sometime.

During the summer in (stary Yurt), all the officers who were there did nothing but gamble, and for quite high stakes. Since it’s impossible not to see each other often when living in camp, I was very often present during the play, but despite all the entreaties I refrained from joining in for a month. Then one fine day I jokingly placed a small stake—I lost; I did it again and lost again; I had bad luck; my passion for gambling for aroused, and in two days I lost all the money I had as well what Nikolay gave me (about 250 silver roubles) and on top of that 500 silver roubles for which I gave ea note of hand payable in the month of January 1852. I should tell you that near the camp there is an (aul) [Caucasian village] where the (Chechens) live. A young boy (a (Chechen)) named (Sado) used to come to the camp and play; but as he couldn’t count or write things down, there were some scoundrels among the officers who cheated him. For this reason I never wanted to play against Sado, and even told him that he oughtn’t to play because he was being cheated, and I offered to play on his behalf. He was very grateful to me for this and made me a present of a purse. As it’s the custom of this people to exchange presents, I gave him a miserable gun that I’d bought for 8 roubles. I should tell you that to be a (kunak), that’s to say a friend, it’s the custom first of all to exchange presents and then to eat in the house of the (kunak). After that, according to ancient custom of this people (which hardly survives now except in tradition), you become friends for life and death: i.e. if I ask him for all his money, or his wife, or his arms, or his most precious belongings, he must give them to me, and I must fuse him nothing either. Sado made me promise to come to his home and be his (kunak). I went. After having regaled me in their own manner, he invited me to choose anything in his house that I wanted: his arms, his horse, anything. I wanted to choose what was of least value, and took a horse bridle mounted in silver: but he told me I was offending him and made me take a (saber) which is worth at least 100 silver roubles. His father is quite a rich man, but he keeps his money buried and doesn’t give his son a farthing. To obtain money the son goes and robs the enemy of horses and cows and sometimes he risks his life 20 times over to steal something that isn’t worth 10 roubles; be he does it, not from greed, but because it’s the thing to do. The greatest robber is highly esteemed and is called (a dzhigit, a brave). Sometimes Sado gas 1,000 silver roubles, and sometimes he hasn’t a farthing. After my visit to him I presented him Nikolay’s silver watch and we’ve become the greatest friends in the world. Several times he proved his devotion to me by exposing me himself to danger on my behalf; but that’s nothing to them—it’s become a habit and a pleasure. When I left (stary Yurt) Nikolay stayed on there, and Sado used to go to see him every day and say that he didn’t know what would become of him without me and that he was terribly bored. I let Nikolay know by letter that my horse was sick, and I asked him to find me one at (stary Yurt). When Sado learned of this he lost no time in coming to see me and giving me his horse, despite all I could do to refuse. After the folly I committed of gambling at (Stary Yurt), I haven’t touched a card again, and I’ve continually lectured Sado, who has a passion for gambling and although he doesn’t know the game, always has astonishing luck. Yesterday evening I busied myself thinking about my financial affairs and my debts and I was thinking how I should go about paying them.

Having thought about these things for a long time, I saw that if I didn’t spend too much money, all my debts wouldn’t embarrass me and could be paid off little by little in two or there years; but the 500 roubles that I had to pay this month were driving me to despair. It was impossible for me to pay them and at that moment they embarrassed me far more than Ogaryov’s 4,000 had done previously. My stupidity in having contracted debts in Russia, and then in coming and contracting new ones here was driving me to despair. In the evening when saying my prayers, I prayed to God—and very fervently—to get me out of this unpleasant position. ‘But how can I get myself out of this business?’ I thought when going to bed. I already pictured to myself all the unpleasantness I would have to endure because of it, (how he take proceedings against me, how the authorities would demand an explanation from me as to why I wasn’t paying, etc. ‘Help me Lord’, I sad and fell asleep.) This morning I received a letter from Nikolay, enclosing yours and several others. He writes: ( ‘The other day Sado came to see me: he won your note of hand from Knorring and brought it to me. He was so pleased with hi s winnings, so happy, and he asked me so many times ‘What do you think, will your brother be glad that I’ve done this’—that I’ve grown very fond of him as a result. This man really is attached to you.’)

Isn’t it astonishing to see one’s wish granted like this the very next day? Or rather the only astonishing thing is the divine goodness toward a being who has merited it as little as I. Don’t you think that Sado’s sort of devotion is wonderful? He knows that I’ve a brother Sergey who loves horses, and as I’ve promised to take him to Russia when I go, he told me that I it should cost him his life 100 times over, he’ll steal the best horse there is in the mountains and bring it to him.

Please get someone to buy a (six -barreled pistol) in Tula and send it to me, also a (musical -box) if it’s not too expensive—these are things which will give him great pleasure.

(i ‘m still in Tiflis, sitting by the seaside, waiting for good weather, i.e. money.)

Goodbye, dear Aunt.

Lev kisses your hand a thousand times.

Tiflis, 6 January, 1852

Bill O'Reilly: Another Rich Man With No Taste

Andrea Mackris
Monica Seles body double?

We must commend Hefs for his taste in the beautiful bunnies that bounce around his love-pad. Now, people like Bill Clinton & Bill O’Reilly take care of their sexual business in pretty fuggly ways. Everyone knows Monica Lewinsky was fat, alright. But that didn’t keep Billy-Boy from playing “Pokey-Pokey Cigar” with her body. It was recently revealed that Bill O’Reilly has fetish to play a phone-sex operator with various co-workers while he wacks off behind his desk. DUDE! Both of you highly qualified men have boat loads of money & can easily pay Aruban prostitutes to service you & have the entire episode(s) remain out of the public eye. Here’s a sample of Bill O’Reilly’s amazing talent on the phone as found in the court documents kindly flaunted by The Smoking Gun. In this particular excerpt, our kinky Bill O’Reilly is explaining how he’d invade her [Andrea Mackris] body:

You’d basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I’d join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda’ soap up your back…rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water…and up…you know, you’d feel the tension drain out of you and uh you still would be with your back to me then I would kinda’ put my arm—it’s on of those mitts, those loffa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it…and I would put it around front, kinda’ rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, and get your nipples really hard…’cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs…

So anyway I’d be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, kinda’ kissing your neck from behind and then I would take the other hand with the falafel (sic) thing and I’d put it on your pussy but you’d have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business…

Wow. Deep stuff, but one question remains. Is ‘falafel’ short for “my extremely large penis” in the phone-sex world? Help me out here, Jackson.

The Bastardly Talk by Angelina, Paris, Mr. Damon, & The FCC

The sexy Angelina Jolie was recently asked the superficial question of how she did Lola’s voice in the popular movie, Shark’s Tale.

I just had to think a lot of naughty thoughts. It’s kind of my bedroom voice, my phone-sex voice. It’s just a deeper side of my voice when I’m in a mood. [Female First]

Was that response scripted b/c it was downright hot!

Ben Affleck & Matt Damon are finally coming out the closet.

My longest relationship with a woman lasted two and a half years. That’s very short when I consider how long I’ve been friends with Ben. [Annaova]

Bastard FCC’s commentary on the $1.2mil fine levied on Fox.

Even with Fox’s editing, the episode includes scenes in which partygoers lick whipped cream from strippers’ bodies in a sexually suggestive manner. [AZCentral]

How the fuck are you suppose to lick whipped cream off of someone’s body and have it not be done in a sexually suggestive manner. Maybe the FCC bitches can strip their business suits and demonstrate.

How’s Paris going to respond now? We’ve recently asked the question: Is Paris Hilton a racist? Paris’ bastard ex-friend answers.

She was forever using the ‘N-word.’

I told her not to use it. It was offensive. But she just laughed. She is a racist, plus an idiot. Every black person she referred to was a ‘ni****’.
[Female First]

Now, seriously. Was the ‘idiot’ comment really necessary? It appears these comments have very little merit. Irregardless, Paris has two choices. Hire a brotha to make a hit or she can do what we’ve proposed: make a sex video w/ a famous brotha & get back to sellin’ some Paris merchandise.

Ghetto South Carolina Sex Offenders

This website was brought to attention by lazy co-workers.

James Murphy

Name: James Murphy David

Age: 58

Date of Crime: 1991-09-10


Seriously, man. Where is the love in our society? I have to admit though, you can browse that site for about 5-10 minutes before getting grossed out & of course, feeling guilty for enjoying a resource that was rooted by sexual crimes committed upon helpless children & women. [If you can manage to put your conscience aside, here’s a browsing tip: If you chose Taylors as the City & then choose a guy named HORACE ELMORE ANDREWS, you’ll find something funny.]

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