Gypsy Ashlee Simpson On SN-Lip Syncing

Live TV, baby
We’ve repeatedly expressed that Asslee’s talent is merely a facade created by her money-hungry father & yesterday it was finally revealed in front of millions of people.

A still-humiliated Simpson apologized to her fans – and blamed her band for playing the wrong song. [NY Daily News]

That is evil. [Watch Clip of Scandalous Apology]

I don’t give a shit about the absolutely horrible-horrible [watch a clip] attempt at lip syncing a’right. Everyone does it—from Madonna to Britney to unknown really good lip syncers who have yet to be caught. But what the hell was that Midwest-gypsy-dance after the lip syncing debacle was revealed, man? I think the entire band was literally shocked/disgusted! Did she really think she could just sneak that through unnoticed? Anyway, here’s a funny video made by the great people at College Humor.

Ashlee, for future performances (i.e. your performance @ Monday night’s Radio Music Awards (NBC)), please keep from dancing (you’re no Britney) & please-please get your cue right if you’re gonna lip sync! Now to end w/ some words from Ashlee in an interview w/ Lucky Magazine.

The Question: What are your takes on lip-synching?

Asslee’s Regrettable Response: I’m totally against it and offended by it. I’m going out to let my real talent show, not to just stand there and dance around. Personally, I’d never lip-synch. It’s just not me.

The View's Voluptuous Star Jones

Star Jones: Don’t PUKE!
This is why I’ve never watched The View.

On a recent trip to Jamaica, here’s Star w/ her anorexic husband, Al Reynolds. For some odd reason he has his head down—almost as if he has seen something frightening or maybe he’s feeling nauseous? Star, you gotta…
1. stop being on top when having sex &
2. allow Al to eat some of his steak dinners before you take it from him.

God damn it, I’m so mean!

Ann Coulter Too Quick For Arizona

Ann Coulter
That is not popcorn on her forehead, damn it!

Socalite’s Life via Smoking Gun & Gawker report on the Ann Coulter pie incident. It was pretty hilarious, I admit, but for God’s sake, those two guys had bad aim. Seriously, if you’re gonna put so much on line, why not make sure to hit your target! Here’s a review of the video.
Ann Coulter Matrix Move
1. Pie missing Ann by a long shot
2. Ann pullin’ a move right out of The Matrix & dodging the pie (DAMN IT!)
3. Pie thrower #1
4. Nice pair of legs (from a distance, of course)

Ann Coulter Pie Thrower #2
1. Ann’s Elbow as she dashed back for cover
2. Pie #2 in ready to be launcher (I think)
3. Pie thrower #2 (missed again!)
4. Nice pair of legs (from a distance, of course)

Handcuffed Pie Thrower!
Seriously, aren’t the handcuffs kind of unnecessary? He’s a liberal who had the balls to throw a fucking pie!!

Suckaaaaaaaaaas!

Kirkwood
Well … I just wanted to let everyone know I’m going SNOWBOARDING tomorrow. Yes that is correct. I will be snowboarding in October. Because of all the rain/snow Kirkwood has decided to open this weekend. Sweeeeeeeeeeeet! I know you are all jealous of ME! Muwahahahahahahahaha (evil laugh!)

The Bastardly: Lindsay Lohan Denies Implants

Lindsay Lohan
She was on TRL very recently promoting her single (Rumors, I think) and she was asked the simple & obvious question, ‘What rumor makes you the sickest?’

From all the shit she could have said, she proceeded to pull out her superficial credibility from inside her bra & then tossed it on the ground so she could spit & stomp on it. She cold-heartedly replied with:

Problaby the one about me having breast implants.

Pamela Anderson: The 2nd Coming

Pam’s Boobs with Lady C
This photo is interesting. It really shows how tiny Christina is compared to a normal human being. Pam’s boobs are like half of Christina’s entire body! Who’s the odd one out?

I’ve always had very good penis karma. I used to say I’d never seen a small one, but recently, maybe I have. [Female First]

Obviously, change is all around Pamela Anderson. Apart from the small penises, Pam just released her first novel a few weeks back. Furthermore, she now reads the the Bible (no joke!), takes her two kids to church & manages to play soccer mom once school cuts out. Seriously. This is the same lady who had a sex tape floating around a few years back. If you think about it, she’s now aging (see photo above) & can no longer wholly rely on her beauty to get her places. The book explains it all. She is forced to rely on past sexual experiences to create future opportunities.

It was really therapeutic and humbling for me to go back and remember the events of my life. It was interesting writing the sex scenes. It’s so similar to my life that people are going to go, ‘Wait a second!’ [Sky Showbiz]

This happens all the time in Showbiz & it’s truly tragic, but I think Pams can pull through. She has the personality & the desire to change, but we’ll assess her progress in a couple years. Although one thing’s for sure, Pam’s obviously trying a little harder than Tommy Lee (don’t blame him for his gifted anatomical advantages—Bastaaard!).

On top of all this, Pamela was rewarded with 2 BOYS! That pretty much sucks, man. Why would God be so cruel as to give a Playboy bunny & inventor of the illusive sex-tape TWO BOYS?! With all this in hand, the main hurdles for Pamela in the coming years include:
1. Teaching her boys how to sparingly use their personal light sabres inside their pants
2. Keeping her boys away from naked photos of herself
3. Keeping her boys away from her sex videos with Tommy Lee (and others not yet released)
4. Explaining to her kids why she has changed
5. Keeping her boys’ friends from staring at her boobs
6. Keeping her kids’ friends’ fathers from “chaperoning” sleepovers at her house.

God have mercy on Pamela Anderson.

Random Office Rage!!!

Okay…so in this corporate ass-raping financial institution I work at I think that I have had it stuck it in me many many times….

So here’s why I’m pissed right now. 6 minutes before my conf call at 11am I get a call from one of the women upstairs because they want me to install some software on this new user’s machine. First off, hand installs of apps are against corporate policy at my ass-raping job because we have a centralized delivery method that sucks ass and lengthens the process of getting end users what they need. But since I’m the fucken hot shot around here that has permissions to do anything to a computer here I do it…in hopes that I get recognition in some way to my boss that I’m a helpful ass bender overer.

Anyways, so I get that call and I tell her that I have a conf call for atleast 30 minutes and I’ll come up afterwards when I got time. She’s fine with that and gives me the user’s number and I get on my call. 4 minutes into my call I see this other chick from that floor and the guy come down to my rat hole death cube to see if I’m available. What the fuck!?!? I mean, if I said I have a conf call, I have a fucken conf call!!! Don’t come down here to check on me to see if I was fibbing or not!!! If I said I’ll get to it when I get a chance I’ll muthafuckin get to it when I got a chance.

These fuckers think that all I do is sit next to my phone just waiting to be their IT support bitch! Oh hell fucken no! Goddamitt!!!! I hate this shit!!! They should be fucken happy that I’ll even come by and do this shit because it’s against policy! Son of a bitch I tell you…now as I’m trying to write this post the guy has called me two more times for help! Shit, I swear, I’m a bit more qualified then just stupid ass desktop support. Fucken bitches I tell you!!! I got enough fuckers riding my case right now and you fuckers come down here to check up on me!?!? Really, all it’s for is for some fucken voice recorder software…and it’s fucken lunch time…goodness is it that goddam important for me to get to it at that fucken moment!??! Christ!!! I need to get paid more for all this ass-raping I take here!!!

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