Lame Ducks, No. 7

A mother of a really cute & chubby 1 year old baby girl tells me my language in certain posts is a little too vulgar, so since a mother has requested for clean(er) content, she will get it. Just this one time!

Today we had an office potluck, so I’m sure all you cuberats now what that means, right? I basically have to listen to people compliment each other on how good the food is (yes-yes, even when it tastes like shit), while they talk about forgoing their diet (just this one time, of course) in order to madly binge on food. Then again, there are also those special people who outright don’t give a crap about diets, carbs, arteries, heart attacks, diabetes, etc etc and just binge till they are forced to contemplate locking themselves inside the conference room, turning off the lights and snoozing on the huge ass table until their digestive system has run its course and they are forced to visit the restroom. Just because I don’t want my food/drink poisoned in future potlucks, I want to say that the latter mentioned personalities do not work in my company but if they did, they would do as I have noted above.

Ok, now for my random photos. Here’s a photo of some super fobby, Japanese tourist I saw @ the new WWII Museum. These tourists are funny because they do everything you tell them to do!

Japanese Tourist

D.C. Trip Summary
D.C. was a lot of fun, but I got raped by Dulles airport on my return flight. In short, I missed the flight. Of course, there was a lot behind missing the flight, but it was mainly b/c I was unaware of the fact that the United Terminal was a 30 minute, painfully slow bus ride away from the main airport. Trust me, it’s very painful to see your flight back out from the terminal while you’re staring out of a stalled tram!! I was about to jump out of that snail-tram and chase down my plane, but I didn’t feel like doing jail time in beautiful Cuba.

Anyway, didn’t really do that much except spend some quality time with friends, took money while playing some Hold’em (donated some too), & randomly rode around the bloody D.C. Metro system. Oh yeah, also found out a good friend is now engaged and is getting hitched in June 2005. So, D.C. & I will meet again & I will have the last laugh!

Okay, enough updates. Now for the lamest links I could find on the net…

Bastardly.com!

Bastardly.com. Yes, we’re officially going to lose around 75% of our readers w/ our new domain name. It’s a harsh reality one must face when you have the same sense of humor as your typical middle schooler.

A full definition of bastardly (as we know it) will follow very soon, so that you may start to use it into your everyday language.

Top 10, Kiddos…

Obviously, Playboy is strong. Very strong. Well, with the help of Miu’s Socialite’s Life blog occasionally linking to us, many people were forced into reading a useless post on Paris tossing her lovetoy Nick Carter.

I’m just glad about one thing…the fact that Asslee Simpson is not #1. I feel as if Asslee fever has died down considerably (thank God) and the lame music scene is awaiting the next princess. Let’s hope she’s hotter than Asslee b/c we already know the voice has nothing to do w/ earning millions & selling thousands of records. Anyway, view the top 10 & enjoy the reads if you haven’t already…

1. Paris Tosses Nick (Boy #53)
2. Current Issue of Playboy
3. Ratings – Ashlee “Gypsy” Simpson
4. That boy is MINE!!!
5. Never Mess Wit Tha Bhetdamese!!!
6. The Ashlee Simpson Show…
7. K.O.B.E.’s dirty panty wearing accuser
8. Bloody Nick Carter
9. The Ashlee Monster Attacks!
10. Laugh or Be Afraid?

Paris & Nick Carter Sex Video?!

It’s coming, kids!

News of the World (world renowned for its reporting of news even before the people involved even know about it) reports of Volume 2 in a series of videos where Paris Hilton has sex with various famous personalities around the world. The latest being popstar, Nicky Carter.

The countdown has officially begun for little boys, horny men of all ages, teenage girls & of course, the entertainment industry as a whole. The long awaited sequel to Paris Hilton’s sex video with Rick Solomon is set to debut on computers screens in your very own home! God, I get chills just thinking about it!

This time (sorry girls & gay males), the male star banging Paris will not be built up like Fabio. Expect to see a body similar to Will Ferrell’s sexy bod that he unabashedly shows off in various intimate Anchorman scenes. Let’s admit it, when God created Nick Carter, he gifted him with not necessary a great voice, but a voice that could be proven lucrative. And, unfortunately for Nick, God’s gift-giving stopped there.

Yes, kids. Nick Carter’s official proof to the world that he actually got a return on his investment when he dropped millions on Paris over the course of 2004 is rumored to have been stolen by some very shrewd thieves in a recent raid of the Hilton sisters’ love pad in L.A. Ananova and various other ‘stirrers’ report, that “Stills and video clips of her with former lover, ex-Backstreet Boy star Nick Carter” were taken! Of course, these stills and video clips (stored in a laptop that was a stolen) could be of the two ex-lovebirds shopping or clubbing in exotic locations around the world, but just for gossip sake, let’s set aside the facts (or lack there of) and assume the stills and video clips are from a night filled with extremely kinky & drunken sex! I know-I know, I’m going to hell.

Side note: I personally think that these so-called ‘thieves’ are more acquaintances of the sisters than real, thuggish thieves. No fucking thief wants bloody photos & videos on a laptop, ok. Actually, if you think about it, videos are transferable into the cold-hard cash if you can get them into the right hands. That’s why I’m led to believe that these so-called thieves are either (money-hungry) friends or crazy paparazzi/career-motivated reporters.

More to come! Possibly Fred Durst? God damn it, Paris, Fred is yesterday’s news! Plus, you might catch an STD assuming Fred’s STDs are stronger than Paris’ STDs.. Ok, this is going no where…

Liz Hurley Likes Indian Curry!

Liz Hurley has apparently made a great career move—left the white man’s McDonald’s & crossed the street to the Taj Mahal Restaurant! It’s a great decision as we invented the true art of proper sex in the Kamasutra (the other dominant type is crazy, western sex, which is more like two animals poking each other in obscure places) & not to mention, hundreds of millions of Indians stay up in the wee hours of the night to provide the world with technical support when it comes to resolving computer issues. We are here to stay, world. Welcome us with open arms and embrace us.

Just because this bit has to do w/ India, I’ll make a note of it here so all hot women, all around the world will start to respect the Indian Male. I hope you are listening, all hot you women of all races & creed! Forget about the Chinese, Japanese, Filipinos, Koreans & Vietnamese (only those Vietnamese who can’t speak the God-awful Vietnamese language, of course). It’s all about the spice, my babies. All about the Indian spice!

First for a photo b/c it’s the best proof I can produce…

Ok, she looks damn hot here!

Liz Hurley is still by far one of the sexiest & hottest women in the entertainment industry today. She has style, elegance & a presence that commands respect (at least from me). Even though she makes horrible movies, she’s forever on my A-list.

As for this Arun Nayar character—he is a pimp, of course. That’s all.

Oh yeah, read the article for the full juice.

Ratings – Angelina Jolie

Dear Lord ’O Mighty!

The Stats:
+ 7.48 High raw score b/c she’s probably crazy in bed!

– 1.50 for having bad taste in sleeping w/ & wanting to be w/ bloody Val Kilmer!

+ 1.00 for launching the ‘I want to inject shit into my lips’ industry

+ 0.25 for possessing one great pair of lips.

+ 0.25 for being in the Forbes Top 10 Richest Celebs list w/ a cool $27mil stash

+ 0.15 for being a little on the crazy side (she has a fucking dragon tat on her back & just bought her 3 yr old son a mobile)

– 0.05 for being a little on the kooky side (more positive, than negative).

+ 1.00 UPDATE 10/2/04 – Angelina planning to lead a life w/out superficial stars. No fucking Val!
_________________________

Total 8.58 — some flaws drag down the score.

First let me attack the figure…actually, I truly wish I could attack her figure in real life, but sadly, I’ll have to let my lame words do all the attacking. Nothing is wrong w/ the figure, of course (you’ll soon see her naturals exposed in Mr & Mrs Smith alongside Mr. Brad Pitt’s bare ass) except for all that is on the figure. Endless tats are to blame (she has a bloody tiger on her back, for God’s sake).

The obvious plus are her wonderful & much talked about…
Dear Lord!
I could go on for hours talking about these beauties, but I will just allow you to devour the photo rather than bore you with words.

Lame Ducks, No. 6

I strolled into my house from work today only to find a postcard adorned with four naked island-women inside a little, red boat sitting on the table. Thank you, Lindsay. I’ll make sure to return the favor by sending postcards w/ big island-hunks sporting abnormally large penises so that your family can have a little fun @ dinner.

Here’s a photo of the scandalous postcard, along w/ my UNUSED United Airlines ticket from my recent DC trip. They are both painful reminders: Postcard of how badly I need to vacation with 4 beautiful women who enjoy having no clothes on; The airline ticket of my stupidity & carelessness.

Anyway, enough of this bs, here are the lame links…

There’s a new magazine called YIN in town, boys & girls! A little fobby? Yes. But I think they might have an audience in the U.S…6 groups, to be specific:
1) You’ll read YIN, if you’re completely fobbed out & want to learn English while stayin’ true to your roots.
2) You’re a fobby, Asian horndog
3) Since it’s a fashion mag, all Japanese people by default will like YIN
4) Horny white men who like Asian food more than burgers & hot dogs.
5) You’re a horny, American-Asian (i.e. Jackson) who likes to sample all types of food
6) You’re homosexual and want to stay up-to-date on fashion trends
…I think that covers pretty much the entire population.

Oh, before I forget. Here’s the most fobbiest photo (2nd fobbiest) I could find from the mag launch party. Lastly, the chicks in this photo have the most potential, but they are nobodies, so it doesn’t count. Overall, I was pretty disappointed. I figured an Asian fashion magazine launch party would have countless beauties roaming around—apparently that was not the case! Bah! [Fashion Gates]

The weekly installment of the amazing Alan Abelson. Get updated on the economy & laugh a little in the process. The link will die out in 2 weeks, so don’t waste time! [Barrons]

Ok. Matt Damon has gone crazy. He wants to “make a character-driven porn movie. It’s all going to be about the character and the porn’s going to grow out of the characters.” I always knew he was a horny bastard! [Female First]

“The 15th-floor luxury apartment will have two huge bedrooms, two guest rooms and a home cinema after renovations.” That’s the $7.7 Meeeelyon dollar apartment the Olsen twins just bagged. I had to once sell my precious clay poker chips to make rent. Those bastards!! [TV New Zealand]

“Listening to music (47%), watching TV (42%), and playing sports (41%) came out as the most important activities teens do after school.” No wonder American kids are bloody fat & suffer from adult-onset diabetes! Read the national study released by Aramark Corporation. [Press Release]

S&M Princess To Wed Trousersnake!

Too hot/cold to handle!
Do you like it Hot or Cold?! Cammy likes both, baby!

Cammy & Justin seem to be falling into the trap of commitment. Just a couple months after Cameron spouted out to Us Weekly how she didn’t like the idea marriage (or something ot that effect), it’s been reported that she & Michael Jackson-wannabe, Justin ‘Trousersnake’ Timberlake, are protecting their personal assets w/ prenuptials. Yes girls, if you’re wondering, Justy dropped thousands @ Tiffany’s & then later dropped to propose. Once again, I don’t like the idea of marrying a woman who likes to ice her nipples while staring in S&M movies, as well as marrying a man (if I swung that way) who’s adorned with scandalous nickname of ‘Trousersnake’ throughout the worldwide club scene.

The UK’s fab tab, The Sun, claims this marriage will probably “be more like that of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, nice and discreet.” Ok, since The Sun is a world renowned tab known for it’s scandalous (my personal favorite) Page 3, we’ll let that comment slide. The truth of the matter is simply that this marriage will absolutely not be discreet, but it might be nice. Unless they perform the ceremony in their own living room, you can expect to see photos plastered all over the web (along w/ horrible commentary like this).

Now for the real issue on hand…Britney must feel a sharp sting on her growing chineck every time she picks up a tab now that Justin has bagged the ultimate treat in Cammy. For one thing, Brit has excessive amounts of acne—yes, very gross. Secondly, she already has bloody step children (or is that step child? Who really knows anyway, right?) ! Talk about a turn of fate! I have to admit, though, Justin has indeed pulled ahead—he’ll have especially pulled ahead when Britney gets her divorce later in 2005 (while she’s pregnant with Kev’s 10th child, mind you). We don’t like the Brit situation at all, but hey, she’s good at diggin’ her white-trash holes.

Now a hot photo of Cameron on the next page.

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