Lil Kim: Plastic Surgery & The Law

SHIT!

Dude, what have you done to yourself, sistah? I don’t know about you guys, but Michael Jackson is lookin’ a little more attractive these days than Lil’ Kim. Yes, that sounds kinda homosexual, but it’s the dirty truth.
Anyway, Lil’ Kim might spend millions on changing the way she looks, but she’s still ghetto down under. You can never do surgery on the ghettoness, baby.

Kim is scheduled to stand trial on February 28 on charges of lying to a grand jury about the same incident (see “Lil’ Kim Pleads Not Guilty, Released On $500,000 Bail”). The rapper was indicted in April for telling the jury she was not present at the time of the shooting and did not know at least one of the suspects involved. She pleaded not guilty in U.S. District Court in New York. [MTV]

I’m gonna do my “Lil’ Kim: From Glamour to Ugly” post when I have the patience to stare at frightening photos for more than 5-10 minutes at a time.

The Great Tony Blair

Mr. Blair

I try to stay away from politics because I’ve come to the simple understanding that change comes from within oneself and not through useless/endless political discussions. Although, when it comes to exposing, I’m all for it, baby.

As we all well know, these leaders tout peace and prosperity in front of cameras, but they hide behind the cloak of hypocrisy. Another poor victim/bystander of all this useless war & hatred recently pleaded to Mr. Tony Blair,

“I need you to help me now, Mr. Blair, because you are the only person on God’s earth who can help,” Bigley, 62, said in a video on the Internet and aired by broadcasters. “Please, please help me see my wife who cannot go on without me — and my son.” The engineer at Gulf Supplies and Commercial Services also asked for the release of female prisoners in Iraq, his captors’ main demand.

Where was Tony Blair, you ask?

Finally: Paris Hilton Gets Egged

As much I hate to turn this site into a Paris news feed, I had to point this one out for kicks. This happened on the 13th, so it’s kinda old….

Anyway, it was bound to happen, a’right. I was actually planning my own heist if she ever bothered to swing through the south. Well, 2 brave guys (98% chance they were frat boys from UCLA) grew the balls to actually egg Paris while she jabbed off overly obvious tips on how to whore yourself to rich men & the media. World Entertainment News Network reports on the action that went down @ West Hollywood’s Book Soup store for yuppies & the like:

Paris was very shaken and could not believe it when the crowd started chanting and hurling abuse.

All of a sudden two guys threw eggs at her head but they missed and cracked on her shoulder.

Paris had to be shielded by eight bodyguards and was really upset.

Props to Teen Hollywood
& of course, those two punks!

Hold up! It seriously took eight fucking bodyguards to cover up an 80lb stick of a heiress?! Were these bodyguards, by chance, midget bodyguards?

Irregardless, I want to see some bloody photos as proof!

More Insights from PhC, Inc.

Ow!

(For you newbies, PhC = Paris Hilton Consulting)

In her best selling book (thank god for those Editors!), Paris gives some more inside pointers on how to take advantage of situations using your beauty and money. This is a follow up to a previous entry in which she gives advice to Ellen DeGeneres. First, we will indulge in somewhat of a hypocritical statement:

I take my dog Tinkerwell seriously. I take my work seriously. But I don’t take myself all that seriously. Never be too easy. If you’re too easy, a guy knows he has you.

No comment on this one.

Next we follow up with another excerpt from this historic book:

It doesn’t hurt to act rich as well as hot. I’ve found it to be a fairly unbeatable combination. Who’s a guy going to go for, a girl who’s gorgeous or a girl who’s gorgeous and rich?

Quotes taken from Irish Examiner

God have mercy on our society & all those innocent, teenage girls who will save up their allowance to purchase this work of art.

Edward Furlong: Lobsters Have Feelings, Too!

Ed Furlong
The somewhat famous/somewhat MIA actor in the flicks, American History X & the Terminator series was caught red handed—not with 17 grams of weed & prescription drugs, but caught freeing cute, little lobsters from a grocery store tank in Kentucky. Uhh…yes, if you’re wondering, he was drunk & he’s also a member of that ‘other’ terrorist group named, PETA.

Eddy, let’s get w/ the program. If you want to make some noise, why not LA or NYC?! The following excerpt doesn’t help to answer any questions:

Mr. Furlong and his friends would not stop taking the lobsters out of the tank, McDermond said. But the officer isn’t sure the actor’s goal was to free the crustaceans. He seemed to be playing with them more, said police Lt. John McDermond said.

What’s his punishment for this awkwardly kind act of heroism, you ask?

Furlong was taken to the Boone County jail, where he spent 45 minutes in custody. He had to promise to commit no further offenses in Kentucky before being released and must pay a $171.50 fine or appear in court Oct. 1.

Courtesy Big News Network

I can’t blame Eddy for this. I’ve thought about pulling such a stunt too, but I always knew that the Lobsters wouldn’t be able to get too far walking on grocery store tile. If you have photos of this, please email me!

Eye Candy & D.C. Trip

Some runway eye candy all you horny people in search of raunchy Hiromi photos & of course, all you 10-year old Vietnamese G’s!. This comes courtesy of two disgustingly rich Israellis & their Gottex Collection.

Runway Eye Candy
I’m such a sucker for the color orange & not to mention, extremely beautiful women! All you hot Israelli women, please direct all photos of yourself & your rich (and hot) friends modeling these elegant suits to this poor soul. You’ll bring a smile to his face as he’s currently bent over his desk getting raped (Katelyn Faber style) by his work.

D.C. Trip #2

Ok, now on to something semi-important. I’m heading to Dirty D.C. again this weekend. Few friends, who I haven’t seen in what seems ages, are also flying in for the weekend, so let’s see what goes down this time around. Ideally, I’m hoping for a tame, nostalgic weekend around the poker table, but with my luck, I’ll probably be in for a surprise or two (which is not a bad thing, of course). One thing’s for sure, though! I will not miss my flight this time, but I have a hunch the fucking weather will screw me over. Pray that I get some extremely skyza photos to share (preferably of myself doin’ the ever so scandalous snake dance with extremely beautiful chickas).

Countdown to Britney's Divorce #2 Begins

Britney

Britney surprises everyone from friends to her own mommy & gets hitched over the weekend. It must have been one of those spontaneous Britney moments. Now that she is at such an illusionary emotional high, it makes me wonder what kind of drugs she will use on her way down. I’m betting on two: coccaine (b/c she’s a socialite) & excessive amounts of food (b/c she’s southern).

Now I will stage a possible conversation that led to the hick-hitchin’ last night:

Atmosphere: [Watching tv, & eatin’ some chicken dumplins & friend turkaay while smokin’ a pack of Marbrolo Lights]

Kevin “no shoelace” Federline: Baby, I love you so much.

Curiously Clueless Britney: Aaaw, you so sweet. I love you too, babes. Hey, pass me a cig, willya?

Kevin: Hey Brit…uh…uh, you know how you said you’d buy me that new Madden NFL 2005 Game Guide after we get married next month?

Britney: Ya honey bunches. What about it?

Kevin: Uh…uhh…well, Barry and I were playing it the other day & he kept beat me b/c he bought the guide last week.

Britney: So, what you sayin’, Sweety?

Kevin: Well, I was thinkin’ we get married tonight & then I can get my guide tomorrow morning? How does that sound, sexy?

Britney: Yaaay! Let’s do it! Weddings are so much fun! Plus, the press will never be expecting it.

Here’s a photo of Britney w/ the touching look of “I just married the man of my of my life” (in a hick sort of way) on her face.
Britney

50 First Dates, Baby!

Ula, baby!

Since I lead a sad & pathetically boring life, I was at home on a Saturday night cruisin’ w/ da Pay-Per-View.

50 First Dates: An absolutely hilarious movie. Actually, if I wanted to get technical, I’d say the first three-quarters was awesome, and the last quarter was a little on the sappy side of things, but whateva! Although, one thing is certain: Rob Schneider is the man! I could seriously watch him make fun of the Hawaiian culture all day. (Like I said, I’m sad.)

I had plans to see this badboy in the theatres, but things didn’t pan through & I ended up missing it. Considering I’ve seen only around 3 movies in the theatre all year, I’ve missed many flicks—that’s mostly b/c 90% of them suck ass & not worth my 11 bucks (medium popcorn w/ one-cup of butter included).

Things I learned:
1. The Walrus has the second largest penis of all mammals. I’ve been to Sea World so many damn times, but never really noticed (not that I will be looking next time I go, you bastards).
2. I might be suffering from short-term memory loss, too. I’m serious. My long term memory is sharp as a blade, but what did I eat for dinner? No fucking clue.
3. Drew Barrymore is actually kinda cute. I always thought she was chunky-monkey, but I guess she lost around 10-20 lbs for the movie or something. Ok, I’m being mean. Amazing rack in some of the scenes, to say the least. Go Drew!

The Bastardly Three, No. 1

Oooh la la

The wise Greedy Girl points out how some are tryng to use sex to sell everything from dinner sets for the old wifie to grampa’s work lights! I’m really diggin’ the Craftsman 6.0 AMP 1/2 Hammer Drill—a lot. Note to Jackson: Boobies will not included with winning bid. [Greedy Girl]

The Curious Britney commercial. Let’s see, you got the Kabbalah book, you’re dating a complete hobo, you just threw your first hen party & now you have this deep desire to smell like Britney, but remain perplexed! Capitalism has an answer for everything, my friends. Doesn’t Britney looks like a midget when she’s peepin’? Ok-ok, if not midgety, at least give me stubby? Well, One question remains: What does this shit smell like? The website gives a very curious description:

…an exhilarating white floral accented with Louisiana Magnolia wrapped in the sensuality of vanilla-infused musk

Uh…Whatever the hell that means. The commercial link kindly swipped from [The Superficial]

The question of Tom Cruises’ homosexuality has been up in the air since, uhh, a very long time. I personally think he & bloody Vin Diesel should just drop the hetroshrouds & make out in the middle of Time Square. Tom & Vinn, my homies: If you didn’t know, it’s the 2000s & homosexuality is very similar to the Kabbalah ‘religion.’ No one gives a shit about it. [The Socialites Life]

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