Ratings – Angelina Jolie

Dear Lord ’O Mighty!

The Stats:
+ 7.48 High raw score b/c she’s probably crazy in bed!

– 1.50 for having bad taste in sleeping w/ & wanting to be w/ bloody Val Kilmer!

+ 1.00 for launching the ‘I want to inject shit into my lips’ industry

+ 0.25 for possessing one great pair of lips.

+ 0.25 for being in the Forbes Top 10 Richest Celebs list w/ a cool $27mil stash

+ 0.15 for being a little on the crazy side (she has a fucking dragon tat on her back & just bought her 3 yr old son a mobile)

– 0.05 for being a little on the kooky side (more positive, than negative).

+ 1.00 UPDATE 10/2/04 – Angelina planning to lead a life w/out superficial stars. No fucking Val!
_________________________

Total 8.58 — some flaws drag down the score.

First let me attack the figure…actually, I truly wish I could attack her figure in real life, but sadly, I’ll have to let my lame words do all the attacking. Nothing is wrong w/ the figure, of course (you’ll soon see her naturals exposed in Mr & Mrs Smith alongside Mr. Brad Pitt’s bare ass) except for all that is on the figure. Endless tats are to blame (she has a bloody tiger on her back, for God’s sake).

The obvious plus are her wonderful & much talked about…
Dear Lord!
I could go on for hours talking about these beauties, but I will just allow you to devour the photo rather than bore you with words.

Lame Ducks, No. 6

I strolled into my house from work today only to find a postcard adorned with four naked island-women inside a little, red boat sitting on the table. Thank you, Lindsay. I’ll make sure to return the favor by sending postcards w/ big island-hunks sporting abnormally large penises so that your family can have a little fun @ dinner.

Here’s a photo of the scandalous postcard, along w/ my UNUSED United Airlines ticket from my recent DC trip. They are both painful reminders: Postcard of how badly I need to vacation with 4 beautiful women who enjoy having no clothes on; The airline ticket of my stupidity & carelessness.

Anyway, enough of this bs, here are the lame links…

There’s a new magazine called YIN in town, boys & girls! A little fobby? Yes. But I think they might have an audience in the U.S…6 groups, to be specific:
1) You’ll read YIN, if you’re completely fobbed out & want to learn English while stayin’ true to your roots.
2) You’re a fobby, Asian horndog
3) Since it’s a fashion mag, all Japanese people by default will like YIN
4) Horny white men who like Asian food more than burgers & hot dogs.
5) You’re a horny, American-Asian (i.e. Jackson) who likes to sample all types of food
6) You’re homosexual and want to stay up-to-date on fashion trends
…I think that covers pretty much the entire population.

Oh, before I forget. Here’s the most fobbiest photo (2nd fobbiest) I could find from the mag launch party. Lastly, the chicks in this photo have the most potential, but they are nobodies, so it doesn’t count. Overall, I was pretty disappointed. I figured an Asian fashion magazine launch party would have countless beauties roaming around—apparently that was not the case! Bah! [Fashion Gates]

The weekly installment of the amazing Alan Abelson. Get updated on the economy & laugh a little in the process. The link will die out in 2 weeks, so don’t waste time! [Barrons]

Ok. Matt Damon has gone crazy. He wants to “make a character-driven porn movie. It’s all going to be about the character and the porn’s going to grow out of the characters.” I always knew he was a horny bastard! [Female First]

“The 15th-floor luxury apartment will have two huge bedrooms, two guest rooms and a home cinema after renovations.” That’s the $7.7 Meeeelyon dollar apartment the Olsen twins just bagged. I had to once sell my precious clay poker chips to make rent. Those bastards!! [TV New Zealand]

“Listening to music (47%), watching TV (42%), and playing sports (41%) came out as the most important activities teens do after school.” No wonder American kids are bloody fat & suffer from adult-onset diabetes! Read the national study released by Aramark Corporation. [Press Release]

S&M Princess To Wed Trousersnake!

Too hot/cold to handle!
Do you like it Hot or Cold?! Cammy likes both, baby!

Cammy & Justin seem to be falling into the trap of commitment. Just a couple months after Cameron spouted out to Us Weekly how she didn’t like the idea marriage (or something ot that effect), it’s been reported that she & Michael Jackson-wannabe, Justin ‘Trousersnake’ Timberlake, are protecting their personal assets w/ prenuptials. Yes girls, if you’re wondering, Justy dropped thousands @ Tiffany’s & then later dropped to propose. Once again, I don’t like the idea of marrying a woman who likes to ice her nipples while staring in S&M movies, as well as marrying a man (if I swung that way) who’s adorned with scandalous nickname of ‘Trousersnake’ throughout the worldwide club scene.

The UK’s fab tab, The Sun, claims this marriage will probably “be more like that of Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, nice and discreet.” Ok, since The Sun is a world renowned tab known for it’s scandalous (my personal favorite) Page 3, we’ll let that comment slide. The truth of the matter is simply that this marriage will absolutely not be discreet, but it might be nice. Unless they perform the ceremony in their own living room, you can expect to see photos plastered all over the web (along w/ horrible commentary like this).

Now for the real issue on hand…Britney must feel a sharp sting on her growing chineck every time she picks up a tab now that Justin has bagged the ultimate treat in Cammy. For one thing, Brit has excessive amounts of acne—yes, very gross. Secondly, she already has bloody step children (or is that step child? Who really knows anyway, right?) ! Talk about a turn of fate! I have to admit, though, Justin has indeed pulled ahead—he’ll have especially pulled ahead when Britney gets her divorce later in 2005 (while she’s pregnant with Kev’s 10th child, mind you). We don’t like the Brit situation at all, but hey, she’s good at diggin’ her white-trash holes.

Now a hot photo of Cameron on the next page.

Just Keep It Real…

Excerpt from this article in regards to the civil suit against Kobe.

“she was bent over the chair and forced by defendant Bryant to remain in that position, defendant Bryant sexually assaulted and raped plaintiff, by unlawfully and knowingly inflicting sexual intrusion and penetration of her vagina against her will and without her consent.”

I guess that’s the PC way of saying “he bent the whore over the chair and did her doggie.”

The Tragedy of Kobe Bryant

Vanessa Laine reacts:“I know that my husband has made a mistake — the mistake of adultery.

He and I will have to deal with that within our marriage, and we will do so. He is not a criminal. I know that he did not commit a crime & he did not assault anyone except me, but I will have the last laugh!

He is a loving and kind husband and father. I believe in his innocence.”

Translation of a smart woman’s (Vanessa Laine) reaction: “My fucking husband is a lying, cheating bastard who committed the biggest sin: Adultery. He will pay in hell, but first, he will pay (me) on earth.

He will pay for this & I will make him pay for this within our marriage. Mark my words, he will pay. He is not a criminal, ok. He is just a lying bastard. I know that he did not commit a crime & he did not assault anyone except me, but I will have the last laugh! He is a rich NBA player with millions of dollars today and millions more to be earned tomorrow. He knows he cheated & the entire world knows he cheated, but that doesn’t mean he enjoys rough sex! Cheating & rough sex have no correlation. Money & Diamonds do.

First & foremost, he is rich NBA player who has millions in the bank. On the side, he’s also a rich father & husband who has millions in the bank. I will wring him of every damn Karat he can afford. I do not need to believe he has millions in the bank. I know he does.”

ok-ok, I’m being a little mean.

As we all know, Kobe & Vanessa Laine share the most awkward relationship that is bound to be over within the next 5 years (or until Vanessa gets bored of juicing Kobe of his money). Kobe committed one of the worst acts while in wedlock, yet Vanessa Laine remains unflinchingly loyal. Confused? Is it just me or is our society really fucked up @ times. Whatever it is, it’s pure comedy. Here are some photos snapped recently in L.A…

Before we get to the photos, a heartfelt letter to ball-hog Kobe.

Hiromi Oshima – Before Playboy

Part time correspondant Varian Gray has made us privy to his plethora of knowledge in regards to Playboy Centerfold Hiromi Oshima. Read his previous comments from this post.

I’d like to say that he has been gracious enough to tell us about how he’d previously been in a serious relationship with Hiromi and how she “left him because of fame and fortune with Playboy.” That’s some fucked up shit, I tell you! Varian was also gracious enough to tell us that her amazing breasts are indeed real….YES!!! However, that sweet girl from Tokyo that he met years ago is no more. Varian, it’s some fucked up shit what she did to you…we could rip on her under the generalization of girls who leave guys for the BBD (Bigger Better Deal) but we’ll leave that to you if you wanna vent out how much of a pain in the ass she is/was.

This is in no way a site dedicated to her hotness. But indeed it is a post that allows you readers a chance to see what she looked like before Playboy snatched her away from Varian.

Varian Gray and Hiromi Oshima

…as Varian mentioned in an earlier post of his, check out one of his favorite movies, “Different Strokes 15: Bad Ass Bikini Babes”. Go to your nearest Castle Megastore and find a copy today!

holla!

[Update]: Please make sure to check out the next post in our series on Hiromi Oshima.

The James Chan…Part Deux

If you missed the first cameo by The James Chan, please refer here.

Episode 7…special guest star Shooter “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast” McGavin as Nicole’s father.

Alright ladies…now to the goodies. Yes ladies, our favorite James is back for another cameo appearance on North Shore. I’m going to have say that it wasn’t as awesome an appearance as the previous. But ladies!…yes, he does have his shirt off in the few scenes were you know that it truly is The James Chan…

Awesome Back Musckles!
Oh yes ladies, you might only see him from behind, but you know that’s your favorite James Chan!

Rear deltoid
…don’t even bother with Gabriel…it’s The James Chan that you want to stare at.

ABS!!!!
Look at that aweome 12 pack of abs….ladies, he will wash your shirt on that fo’ veddy cheap!

Tricep and Rear deltoid
Sorry ladies…but The James Chan has retired from his North Shore cameo appearances…here’s the final shot of his fine acting work don.

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