The Tragedy of Kobe Bryant

Vanessa Laine reacts:“I know that my husband has made a mistake — the mistake of adultery.

He and I will have to deal with that within our marriage, and we will do so. He is not a criminal. I know that he did not commit a crime & he did not assault anyone except me, but I will have the last laugh!

He is a loving and kind husband and father. I believe in his innocence.”

Translation of a smart woman’s (Vanessa Laine) reaction: “My fucking husband is a lying, cheating bastard who committed the biggest sin: Adultery. He will pay in hell, but first, he will pay (me) on earth.

He will pay for this & I will make him pay for this within our marriage. Mark my words, he will pay. He is not a criminal, ok. He is just a lying bastard. I know that he did not commit a crime & he did not assault anyone except me, but I will have the last laugh! He is a rich NBA player with millions of dollars today and millions more to be earned tomorrow. He knows he cheated & the entire world knows he cheated, but that doesn’t mean he enjoys rough sex! Cheating & rough sex have no correlation. Money & Diamonds do.

First & foremost, he is rich NBA player who has millions in the bank. On the side, he’s also a rich father & husband who has millions in the bank. I will wring him of every damn Karat he can afford. I do not need to believe he has millions in the bank. I know he does.”

ok-ok, I’m being a little mean.

As we all know, Kobe & Vanessa Laine share the most awkward relationship that is bound to be over within the next 5 years (or until Vanessa gets bored of juicing Kobe of his money). Kobe committed one of the worst acts while in wedlock, yet Vanessa Laine remains unflinchingly loyal. Confused? Is it just me or is our society really fucked up @ times. Whatever it is, it’s pure comedy. Here are some photos snapped recently in L.A…

Before we get to the photos, a heartfelt letter to ball-hog Kobe.

Hiromi Oshima – Before Playboy

Part time correspondant Varian Gray has made us privy to his plethora of knowledge in regards to Playboy Centerfold Hiromi Oshima. Read his previous comments from this post.

I’d like to say that he has been gracious enough to tell us about how he’d previously been in a serious relationship with Hiromi and how she “left him because of fame and fortune with Playboy.” That’s some fucked up shit, I tell you! Varian was also gracious enough to tell us that her amazing breasts are indeed real….YES!!! However, that sweet girl from Tokyo that he met years ago is no more. Varian, it’s some fucked up shit what she did to you…we could rip on her under the generalization of girls who leave guys for the BBD (Bigger Better Deal) but we’ll leave that to you if you wanna vent out how much of a pain in the ass she is/was.

This is in no way a site dedicated to her hotness. But indeed it is a post that allows you readers a chance to see what she looked like before Playboy snatched her away from Varian.

Varian Gray and Hiromi Oshima

…as Varian mentioned in an earlier post of his, check out one of his favorite movies, “Different Strokes 15: Bad Ass Bikini Babes”. Go to your nearest Castle Megastore and find a copy today!

holla!

[Update]: Please make sure to check out the next post in our series on Hiromi Oshima.

The James Chan…Part Deux

If you missed the first cameo by The James Chan, please refer here.

Episode 7…special guest star Shooter “I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast” McGavin as Nicole’s father.

Alright ladies…now to the goodies. Yes ladies, our favorite James is back for another cameo appearance on North Shore. I’m going to have say that it wasn’t as awesome an appearance as the previous. But ladies!…yes, he does have his shirt off in the few scenes were you know that it truly is The James Chan…

Awesome Back Musckles!
Oh yes ladies, you might only see him from behind, but you know that’s your favorite James Chan!

Rear deltoid
…don’t even bother with Gabriel…it’s The James Chan that you want to stare at.

ABS!!!!
Look at that aweome 12 pack of abs….ladies, he will wash your shirt on that fo’ veddy cheap!

Tricep and Rear deltoid
Sorry ladies…but The James Chan has retired from his North Shore cameo appearances…here’s the final shot of his fine acting work don.

Lame Ducks #5

Well, I’m jetting off to the nation’s capitol for the weekend in about an hour. I have two objectives: visit a couple old friends & of course, indulge in the D.C. nightlife. Although, I hope this new security alert does not hamper my trip in any fashion. For fear of time consuming searches @ the airport, I’m checking in my little backpack, wearing slippers and carrying the absolute minimum (my digicam for those Kodak moments, my wallet & of course, my proof of citizenship…just in case!)

Now, here’s a photo of a girl/woman who appears to have an abnormally large head.

What in God’s name....?!?

Ok, I’m going into nerd mode, so some of you will not understand me…If any of you’ve ever played Midway’s NBA Jam, do you remember the big head code where upon activation of the code, all characters would have small bodies & exceptionally large heads? Well, this chick/woman brings back some classic memories. Thank you Nickelodeon & chick/woman with a big head.

Now for some lame links.

Be wary of this link. Hint: It’s got a picture of one of the contestants from the Miss Plastic Surgery Pageant. When I recommend plastic surgery for women whom I rate, I do not intend for them to take it this far! God damn, people! [Socialites Life]

I don’t know about Jackson, but I haven’t been fortunate enough to gain access to the VIP room of a strip club. That’s why ‘Confessions of a Stripper’ by Lacey Lane sounds interesting enough to skim through, at least. [Las Vegas City Life]

Here’s an article on a really old man with more than his share of tats. I think he has more tats than teeth. No joke. [CityRag]

Marilyn Monroe had a lesbian affair?! Good God. Apparently secret tapes have surfaced that reveal Marilyn had a Lesbian experience, but apparently didn’t enjoy it (sure she didn’t). Who cares if she enjoyed it or not, is it on Kaaza yet or what?! [Ananova]

Carmen Electra is going crazy. She’s going against the trend now & thinking of getting a breast reduction. And all this time I was under the impression that she had perfect breasts. Carmen please email for consultation b/c reverse breast augmentation (a.k.a. breast reduction) can take a tremendous toll on one’s rating—we’re talking in the realm of multiple points, people. [iafrica.com]

Lastly, new research suggests that diets high in carbs may raise the risk of breast cancer. Women in Mexico who ate a lot of carbohydrates were more than twice as likely to get breast cancer than those who ate less starch and sugar, according to a study funded by the U.S. Girls & men with manboobs be wary! [American Institute of Cancer Research]

Ratings: Natalie Martinez

Be wary of her beauty.

The Stats:

+ 6.25

+ 1.5 for being Cuban

– 0.75 for being so damn young

+ 0.5 future potential
_____________________
= 8.50 (yes, she ranks above Alba, boys & Girls)

Before I begin, let’s pray to god that Natalie’s mother has a long and happy life. Why involve Natalie’s Mommy in my overly superficial review of Natalie herself? Well, apart from giving birth to Nat, Mommy Martinez is to thank for treating the world to the Natalie-Eye-Candy we so much enjoy on various billboards, magazines, & those strolls through Macys (she’s the J-Lo spokeswoman). To put it simply, Natalie auditioned for J-Lo’s spokeswoman search upon her mom’s request. So: Muchas gracias, Senorita Martinez (that’s in my thick, deep Spanish).

God ‘O Mighty, when I saw this girl, I was thrown aback at first & then upon getting a hold of myself, I asked one question: “Is this girl Indian or Spanish?” I soon learned she’s Cuban. Yes, Cuban. As we all know, supply of Cubans is already pretty low, so naturally when a Cuban Beauty is discovered, demand will be high. Simple economics, baby.

Lets go over the figure. This will be short as I cannot stare at her nearly-naked body @ work for too long without risking the Job-Axe meeting my neck. Here’s a full body shot for your eyes:

Lame Ducks #4

Schlotzsky’s filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. I always knew the funny name was going to get them one of these days. How can you ever plug a restaurant whose name you can’t even pronounce? [CNN]

Jackson, looks like we’ll have to hit up Thailand in 10 years after the terror level goes down a bit. Hooters recently revealed that the company will open up 3 locations in bloody Thailand! Just imagine what the employees will wear & look like…God have mercy![Hooters, Inc.]

Want to see all the faces involved in the Kobe trial? This site is kinda funny considering how much time this must have taken to compile. Everyone, cute & ugly are depicted. [Kobe News]

Want one of those fobby dolls for your dash? Well, you had your chance to get a Schwarzenegger doll w/ AK-47 & bandolier for $15.00, but not any more. The company that makes the dolls settled in a lawsuit with the Terminator & is no longer permitted to make the dolls w/ the special effects. Although, you can grab it for a small premium on EBay. [Corante]

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