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Joe Simpson SOLD Jessica Simpson’s Old Blonde Look to Sophie Monk!

Bastardly sources close to the Joe Simpson’s private company, I Whore My Daughters for A Living Incorporated, tell us that a secret deal was worked out by Sophie Monk, an Australian pop singer, to purchase—yes, readers, purchase—Jessica Simpson’s look. I never knew there was a market for purchasing another celebrity’s “look.”

Here’s what we’ve learned: The deal was worth roughly $500k—an amount most in the industry would consider to be chump-change. Besides being super cheap, it was simple on the contractual front: Jessica Simpson simply had to dye her hair to something else & disappear from the scene for a while. In exchange, Sophie Monk’s party would cough up the dough.

Fucking Joe Simpson. Is there no end to his daughter-whoring?!!

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Bastardly Breaking News! We Give A Crap About Rachel Bilson @ Mr. Chow’s

Where as we didn’t really care about Tila Nguyen getting noticed at Mr. Chow’s, holy crap it’s Rachel Bilson at Mr. Chow’s! Now that’s breaking!!!!!

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Bastardly Breaking News! Paris Hilton able to multi-task!

Filling gas and talking on the cell phone at the same time! Who’d have thought Paris would have that much skills! Other famous multi-taskers include Kristin Cavallari and Jessica Biel!!!!

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Bastardly Breaking News!! Rachel Bilson's Dog Might Be Sick; Sad Visit to the Vet

We’re sad to start off the day w/ such harsh news. Rumor has it that Rachel Bilson was spotted coming out of an LA veterinarian holding her dog. She looked sexy & the dog looked sick.

Before eating lunch today, please remember to make a small prayer for her dog’s health. Here are a couple more photos from the sad event. [sniff, sniff]

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