Bastardly Evening News

Bastardly sources close to the Joe Simpson’s private company, I Whore My Daughters for A Living Incorporated, tell us that a secret deal was worked out by Sophie Monk, an Australian pop singer, to purchase—yes, readers, purchase—Jessica Simpson’s look. I never knew there was a market for purchasing another celebrity’s “look.”

Here’s what we’ve learned: The deal was worth roughly $500k—an amount most in the industry would consider to be chump-change. Besides being super cheap, it was simple on the contractual front: Jessica Simpson simply had to dye her hair to something else & disappear from the scene for a while. In exchange, Sophie Monk’s party would cough up the dough.

Fucking Joe Simpson. Is there no end to his daughter-whoring?!!

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