When it comes to Taylor Swift, everyone’s always speculating about her latest love interest, so we figured we’d showcase pics of her various encounters with various attendees during last night’s MTV VMAs. Vote on who you think ended up with Taylor…
Pictured: Taylor with Justin Timberlake & Austin Mahone
Pictured: Taylor with Ashanti & Selena Gomez
Pictured: Taylor with Daft Punk duo & Pharrell Williams
Pictured: Harry Styles checking out his ex. So, did this dude ever get a piece?
Pictured: Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Zayn Malik and Liam Payne; Simon Cowell
We’re pretty sure Simon Cowell was there specifically to flex his manboobs on the red carpet and recruit a fresh batch of cougars to accompany him on week-long Tantric-sex-infused excursions in the French Riviera aboard his luxury yacht. That bastard.
So, it’s also worth our time to speculate who took home who following last night’s big premiere of ‘One Direction: This Is Us’ (i.e. 2013’s greatest film). Can you get any more cookie cutter than a film about touring boy-band that was manufactured on a reality TV show? Nonetheless, I’m pretty sure it’ll go on to earn a lot of cash–so much cash that Simon Cowell will shamelessly turn it into a trilogy ‘One Direction: This Is Us NOW’, ‘One Direction: That Used To Us, But THIS is Really Us!’. Chicks will eat this shit up!
Don’t know if you guys heard this already, but there are rumors that Simon Cowell is working on releasing dildos & vibrators with the faces of ‘One Direction’ band mate on the tips. Did you guys see the prototype featuring Harry Styles that was leaked last week? Check it below…
Pictured: Rochelle Wiseman, Little Mix (Leigh-Anne Pinnock, Jade Thirlwall and Perrie Edwards), Laura Whitmore
As it’s been widely reported over the past couple months, Harry Styles didn’t take long to move on after he broke up with Taylor Swift. Last night, for instance, even though he had a chance to potentially bang Taylor Swift (for the first time), he took aone of his many mystery hotties to a Brit Awards After held at the Arts Club. I guess that’s one of getting a girl to spread eagle after a few hours of dating…
Judging by how things have gone since the breakup, Harry Styles appears far more happier these days than he was during those mornings when he suffered through lonely walks out of Taylor Swift’s NYC hotel after spending his nights trying to convince Taylor to have sex with him—or at least give him a blowjob. Considering how he ended the relationship by calling her crazy, we’re gonna assume she didn’t put out.
The young pop star celebrated his 19th birthday over the weekend by doing exactly what every other 19 year old does around the world. Harry hit multiple nightclubs, got completely trashed, made out with countless girls & then took a few chicks back home for a drunken birthday orgy. We should note that the partying for 99.9999999% of dudes who’re turning 19 ends at getting completely trashed & passing out alone on somebody’s couch, possibly covered in your own puke.
On a completely different topic, what’s up with his security guard’s intimidating, Mr. Miyagi beard? I’m kinda diggin’ it…
Pictured: Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus Tweets Photo w/ Harry, & bikini-clad Hermione Way
After kicking Taylor Swift to the curb following New Years Sex (that’s assuming Taylor put out, of course), Harry Styles was seen chilling in a hot tub with none other than billionaire entrepreneur Richard Branson at his private Necker Island Resort hidden away in the British Virgin Islands.
The One Direction lucky bastard was apparently partying all night & at some point got real close to Silicon Valley-based English entrepreneur Hermione Way (she’s the one who has her hand around Richard Branson—very shady, indeed). The chick is a currently a cast member, along with her brother, Ben Way, on Start-Ups: Silicon Valley, a reality show on Bravo.
The leggy Taylor Swift photos were snapped yesterday afternoon as she was spotted visiting a friend in the L.A.’s pimped-out Pacific Palisades neighborhood. As for Miley, she recently Tweeted that photo of Harry in order to generate some attention for herself.
Pictured: Harry Styles, Richard Branson, Hermione Way
For Harry’s sake, let’s hope they ended on good terms. I’m pretty sure Taylor ended up getting bored of Harry or who knows, maybe Harry got some ass behind her back b/c Taylor was reluctant to put out? We’re still not sure whether Taylor Swift simply dates dudes for the sake of dating them or if she’s one of those girls who likes to fuckie-fuckie after the first couple dates and then just move on to the next hot guy? Any of you bastards have a theory on this, by chance? We want to believe that Taylor is a sex-addict who needs to fuck a new guy ever couple weeks, but we can’t be sure until one of those dudes throws her under the bus.
As for what caused the break up? Not that any of you guys actually give a shit, but what we hear is that the couple continued their romance into the New Year with a trip to the Caribbean island of Virgin Gorda. Harry probably took this as a sign that Taylor wanted to have continuous sex for the duration of their exotic trip, while Taylor on the other hand just wanted to spend the time taking long, romantic walks on the beach. Whatever the case, within days of the vacation, the two lovebirds parted ways.
Regardless of how these two broke up, we gotta rack up Harry on Taylor’s growing list of temporary lovers. Who’s gonna be the next dude to take a ride on the Taylor Express? Any guesses?
Patrick Schwarzenegger *
Justin Gaston *
Tim Tebow *
Cory Monteith *
Chord Overstreet *
Conor Kennedy Harry Styles
* denotes allegedly banged, which means that there’s a 2% chance that Taylor didn’t bang this guy.
Considering Taylor Swift will need pretty much any excuse to restart her never-ending searching for her next man, we’re sure this photo of Harry Styles kissing a cute reporter chick on the red carpet will suffice. The music industry’s latest cookie-cutter couple of the moment are reportedly dating with rumors of Taylor & Harry Styles of One Direction recently spotted making out in public somewhere in NYC (we’d try to do some research on this rumor, but does anybody actually care?). If the make-out session did go down as reported, I hope Harry understands that he just made out w/ half of Hollywood & countless other nobodies from around the globe.
The duo were on the red carpet (separately) at Z100 Jingle Ball Concert in NYC that went down earlier in the evening (Friday, December 7). The fact that Harry walks out of Taylor’s hotel each morning should convince them that their relationship is no longer a big secret, but I guess they wanna play the cute game a bit longer. It’s also possible that Taylor is refusing to make things official b/c that’ll lock her down with one man for at least the next 2-3 weeks and we all know that raging fire between her legs needs constant action & stimulation from different penises in order to maintain its strength.
I know nobody gives a shit about this, but each sleepover Harry Styles hits up at Taylor’s hotel simply solidifies her in our Harlots category (formally known as Sluts & Whores). We don’t know if these two are actually getting it on each night or just staying up real late watching TV, ordering room service—OK, scratch that—these two are totally fucking!
Before hitting up Taylor’s hotel last night, Harry had dinner w/ Taylor & her girlfriend, “Glee” star Dianna Agron, at the luxurious Crosby hotel located in NYC’s SoHo neighborhood. While highly doubt, we can’t confirm one way or another whether a threesome went down. We hope Harry at least took a stab at the possibility of a threesome by taking a few late night tequila shots following dinner, but that’s also unconfirmed. Maybe they rendezvoused back at Dianna’s hotel suite & played drunken Twister? Who knows…
Also, why doesn’t Taylor get off her high horse one of these evenings & actually hit up Harry’s hotel? Don’t tell me the dude is staying with all One Direction bandmates in the same suite b/c if that’s the case, Simon Cowell really needs to treat his cash cow a little better.
Don’t let that innocent country girl face fool you! We’re pretty sure that an hour or so before these photos were snapped, Taylor Swift probably called in her million-dollar cleanup crew to help not only safely get the bukkake off her face & hair, but also resurrect the ultra-clean-&-innocent look that everyone’s accustomed to. Whoever manages this chick is a frickin’ evil genius.
With our last poll, we learned that an overwhelming number of you bastards felt that Taylor’s relationship with Harry Styles will last anywhere between two weeks to a month. Today’s Taylor Swift poll will be…
Any other poll ideas for our next few Taylor posts?