Posts about Jake Gyllenhaal

Jake Gyllenhaal and Chris Pine Joining “Into the Woods” Cast

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 0

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Photo Credit: AP

“It would be the first on-screen singing role for both Pine and Gyllenhaal.”[HitFix]

Yesterday we reported that Disney’s upcoming movie adaptation of the beloved Broadway musical Into the Woods would star Johnny Depp and Meryl Streep. And now we hear that two action heroes – Jake Gyllenhaal and Chris Pine – are about to join the bandwagon and bust out with the showtunes.

“Pine and Gyllenhaal both met with and sang for director Rob Marshall (“Chicago”), and they are expected to receive offers shortly, to play the roles of two self-absorbed princes/brothers who romance Rapunzel and Cinderella,” per reports.

So, are you ready to see these two a’singin’ in the rain?

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Jake Gyllenhaal Dating S.I. Swimsuit Issue Rookie Emily DiDonato! That Bastard!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 11
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Photo Credit: See Photo Credit Information Directly Below.

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DAAAAAMMMMNNNNNNNNNNN YYYOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU, JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKKEEEE!!!

As we mentioned in earlier posts, Emily DiDonato was our choice for S.I. Swimsuit Rookie of the Year, but sadly the 22-year-old model from New York didn’t get any love in the votes department (she came in last). Don’t feel too sorry for Emily because apparently she’s been dating sugar daddy Jake Gyllenhaal since the couple met in a spin class at SoulCycle in Manhattan a couple months back. A source tells Us magazine that Jake hits up the studio every once in a while when he’s in the city & let’s the girls take notice, upon when he probably chooses one of them to take back to his pimp pad. That bastard!

As some of you might remember, Jake’s other high profile relationship was back in late 2011 when he spent a few months unsuccessfully trying to get Taylor Swift to open her legs. He dumped her ass real quick & even earned himself a song on her latest album “Red” (song: ‘All Too Well’). I don’t think Jake goes a week without sex, so another famous chick he dated was Minka Kelly last summer & then upgraded to Emily later in the fall. Definitely not a bad streak, especially considering Minka & Emily aren’t virgins like Taylor!

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Jake Gyllenhaal Had Rebound Sex With Katie Holmes

 after a late four martini lunch by 2
Katie Holmes & Jake Hyllenhaal Dating

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

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Man, I wonder how long it’s been since Katie Holmes actually had sex after popping out Suri b/c I have a feeling that Tom Cruise & her weren’t getting it on all that much. Expert man-whore Jake Gyllenhaal probably had a lot of fun with Katie after he busted through the cobwebs that had built up between Katie’s legs due to lack of use. We’re pretty sure Tom had a set of sex rules, which probably included a shortlist of sexual positions they could try behind closed doors, so having sex w/ Jake was probably a very liberating experience. It’s rumored the two have been secretly dating for several weeks after being introduced by Katie’s former “Dawson’s Creek” co-star Joshua Jackson. They’ve apparently hit up a few dinners in the NYC, so I’m kind of shocked that this news is breaking so late.

The pair have also seen each other on Broadway, with Katie staring in ‘Dead Accounts’ and Jake in ‘If There Is I Haven’t Found It Yet’. A bastardly source close to Katie revealed that she has ‘tons in common and Jake has already been to see her in Dead Accounts, plus she has been over to his apartment in the West Village for dinner.’ As most of you bastards know, Jake is no newbie when it comes dating famous women after having slept with Taylor Swift, Reese Witherspoon and Kirsten Dunst over the years.

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