Before anything, we should note that Heidi Klum looks great even though A) she’s 40 & B) she he has popped out countless kids. Amazing.
While we’re on the topic of scoring great jobs (Rihanna’s Melissa Forde), Heidi Klum’s bodyguard-turned-lover Martin Kristen definitely has a nice setup of his own. He’s part-time bodyguard, part-time Heidi’s hired pleasure machine & part-time glorified babysitter. We don’t know whether he’s still on Heidi’s payroll, but judging by his Heidi-Klum-funded luxurious lifestyle, I’m sure making money isn’t his main priority. These days, his main job is to make sure Heidi Klum’s is sexually satisfied and her kids are cared for when she isn’t around. Who the hell wouldn’t kill for that gig?
The wildly successful businesswoman is enjoying her vacation on Paradise Island in the Bahamas. Along with boyfriend Martin Kristen, her children, Leni, Lou, Johan and Henry, mom Erna as well as a few nannies accompanied Heidi on the trip.
Mere coincidence or match made in heaven?
Depending on how you look at it, Heidi Klum’s boyfriend Martin Kristen is definitely getting the sweeter deal following his promotion to boyfriend from hired bodyguard last year. The guy goes on fully paid vacations & shopping sprees and in return all he has to do is act like a tough guy when walking around with Heidi, do some babysitting & pleasure Heidi behind closed doors.
These latest photos were snapped as the lovebirds held hands as they left the John Varvatos store in Los Angeles yesterday afternoon.
I know this is on everyone’s mind, so we’ll shine a light on the questions & maybe some of you bastards can take a stab at them? As we asked before, when Heidi Klum started dating her bodyguard Martin Kristen, did she stop making payments to the security company that employed him? It’s also possible that Martin Kristen works with other clients while he’s going out with Heidi, but considering he needs to take care of Heidi’s mini-army of kids, I doubt he has the time. With that in hand, I hope Martin Kristen is getting a little more from Heidi than just amazing Sugar Momma Sex a couple of nights a week.
For those of you who don’t read these pages, we might as well take a second to go over specifics of Sugar Momma Sex. In a nutshell, Sugar Momma Sex involves the male partner taking orders–whether that involves a dominating role over his Sugar Momma or being the submissive one on all fours while the Sugar Momma whips him with various objects (ex-hubby Seal’s custom dildo mold inclusive). I have a hunch that Heidi likes to be dominated.
Questions on our mind regarding Martin Kristen’s employment status:
1. When it’s that time of year, how and when will Martin Kristen be evaluated? Which skill sets will be evaluated? Sexual prowess (how many times Heidi climaxes in a given 3-month period, how much kids love him, bodyguarding skills? Will he get a performance bonus?
2. Does Martin Kristen still get sick leaves, vacation time & holidays off? When do benefits start to accrue?
3. Does Heidi fund some sort of pension plan while Martin Kristen is lending his various services?
4. Does Heidi offer short-term and long-term disability coverage just in case Martin Kristen gets injured on the job?
5. Did Heidi give a bonus when she promoted him to bodyguard boyfriend status or did she gain by not paying him anything?
6. Does Heidi pay for his health insurance?
March 14: Heidi Klum launches the new ‘Heidi Klum for New Balance Collection’ at the Lady Foot Locker at Westfield Culver City
The dynamics of Heidi Klum’s relationship with her bodyguard are very interesting to say the least. She started off as his boss & now bangs her bodyguard Martin Kristen whenever she pleases on the pretense that he’s also her boyfriend. So, does that mean he doesn’t get paid anymore or maybe he’s still on the payroll & has to perform all his normal duties along with also sexually pleasuring Heidi? If he’s still getting paid, the arrangement potentially makes him a male gigolo, but if you ask the guy, we’re pretty sure he has no complaints.
If you really think about it, it’s kind of like a dream job, where you start off working for a supermodel & then later transition into her personal sex-toy/employee. Plus, judging by her record of popping out kids, I’m pretty sure Heidi Klum is addicted to sex & wants it at all times. The main drawback of the relationship is that he has to follow Hiedi’s orders 24/7 because let’s face it, he’s totally replaceable. Heidi can get her hands on countless other bodyguards just like Martin Kristen & there’s no reason why she can’t also sleep with them. I don’t know why, but I feel like there’s a lawsuit brewing in this relationship when things inevitably fall apart down the road.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
So, is Heidi still paying this Martin dude or what? The guy has to be making a living somewhere, right? Maybe he can become a bodyguard for another former Victoria’s Secret model while banging Heidi?! Hmm…
Just think of all the kinky sex these two enjoyed while Heidi was going through oh-so-painful divorce with Seal (and, that’s assuming Heidi controlled herself before the divorce)! We’re talkin’ hotel sex while Heidi was on the road, sex in the middle of the night after Heidi puts to sleep one of her kids who frantically woke up after having a bad dream, prolonged tantric sex while the kids are hanging w/ Seal, late-night limo sex after “Project Runway” shootings ran late, etc., etc. Feel free to add to the list in the comments.
These latest photos were snapped on Saturday afternoon as Heidi enjoyed a day out with her new boyfriend & her kids in Los Angeles. The clan was hitting up her son Henry’s football game. Following the game, Heidi, who rocked an oversized t-shirt (for easy access), ripped jeans (thanks a lot, Martin!) and sandals, walked closely with her youngest daughter Lou to the car while Martin carried a small cooler & beach chairs. These two appeared way too comfortable around each other, so I’m gonna go out on a limb as assume they were banging way before Heidi announced the divorce.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News
In an interview with Katie Couric on her new daytime TV show yesterday, Heidi Klum was very candid in how she expressed her current state of affairs with bodyguard Martin Kirsten. We don’t know whether she was banging the dude while still married to Seal, but we’re gonna have to assume that there was something there b/c she rebounded fairly quickly when her marriage fell apart. Maybe it wasn’t straight up intercourse, but I feel like casual groping & blowing were definitely in the mix.
Heidi, who’s currently making the rounds promoting the latest season of her hit Bravo reality TV show “Project Runway,” only had kind things to say about her new F-buddy: “He’s been with our family for the last four years . . . He’s cared for our entire family, mostly for our four children, helped us tremendously.” If that wasn’t enough, she went on to say, “I trust him with my children’s life. He’s a great man . . . and we just got to know each other from a completely different side.”
So, was this just a convenient move for Heidi or just great timing by the bodyguard? Whatever the case, it’s fairly obvious that Martin Kristen is the big winner in all this: He gets to live the life of luxury thanks to his new sugar momma & continue enjoying Heidi’s freakiness after the children go to bed. What more could you ask for from a job, right?