Posts about Completely Useless

BREAKING!! Ellen Page Hits Whole Foods; Carries Two Grocery Bags AT THE SAME TIME!!!

Exclusive... Ellen Page Grocery Shopping At Whole Foods

Photo Credit: FameFlynet Pictures

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Since Ellen Page is the Anti-Viagra, I’ll admit it, the only reason we’re posting her on these pages is so that we can add to our Internet-exclusive “AT THE SAME TIME” category. For those of you who haven’t flipped through that category, make sure you take a few hours of our day to go through countless pics of your favorite celebrities performing multiple tasks AT THE SAME TIME! Can you think of anything better to do with your time?

As for Ellen, aside from starring in next summer’s blockbuster ‘X-Men: Days Of Future Past’, her next film set to hit theaters in September is ‘Touchy Feely’. The film is directed by Lynn Shelton and was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize at the 2013 Sundance Film Festival earlier this year. Here’s some plot action:

Touchy Feely is a closely observed examination of a family whose delicate psychic balance suddenly unravels. Abby (Rosemarie DeWitt), is a sought after massage therapist and a free spirit, while her brother Paul (Josh Pais) thrives on routine and convention, running a flagging dental practice and co-dependently enlisting the assistance of his emotionally stunted daughter Jenny (Ellen Page). Suddenly, transformation touches everyone. Abby develops an uncontrollable aversion to bodily contact, which not only makes her occupation impossible but severely hinders the passionate love life between her and her boyfriend (Scoot McNairy). [Read more...]

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Kim & Kanye Naming Their Baby North West Wasn’t A Joke

If you think about it, it could’ve been a little worse: They could’ve have been real snarky & spelling ‘North’ with a silent ‘K’. Considering North will be filthy rich all her life without having to become a porn star in the process, I’m sure she’ll grow up to not really give a shit about what her parents decided to name her. Having said that, anyone got any good jokes with the latest cracked-out celebrity baby name?

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Damn, What The Hell Happened To Tori Spelling’s Face?

**EXCLUSIVE** Tori Spelling sneaks out of the studio after taping appearances on 'Breakfast Television' and 'Cityline' in Toronto

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News

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Oh wait, it’s always been like that, huh? I’m pretty sure she got a few procedures done recently because that doesn’t look normal. We’re not kidding when we say ‘REMOVE WITH CAUTION’ as you bastards will soon find out…

These were snapped earlier today following Tori’s appearance on the morning shows ‘Breakfast Television’ and ‘Cityline’ in Toronto. The reality TV star is obviously scraping the bottom of the barrel considering she’s in the city promoting McCain’s ‘Deep ‘n Delicious’ cakes—whatever the fuck that is.

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Amanda Bynes PSA: Stop Caring, America!

It’s no secret that Amanda Bynes has successfully wrestled the mantle of Biggest Walking Hollywood Disaster from Lindsay Lohan and Mel Gibson. Whether or not her hilariously absurd and insane antics and tweets are genuine or not we’ll let others decide.

What is real is the attention she’s garnering. And if you’re from the school of “All Publicity is Good Publicity” check out this ironically funny mock PSA from the good folks at YouTube’s Official Comedy Channel.

Amanda Bynes or Syrian rebels. The choice is ours!

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IronDoucheBoy Jaden Smith & Kylie Jenner w/ the Links!

spl550200_010CLICK TO SEE MORE: Wow, Jaden Smith Is Officially A Douchebag

- Miley Cyrus Keeps Getting Better And Better [HollywoodTuna]
- Damn, What The F Is Jaden Smith Thinking? [Dlisted]
- H&M Shrank Beyonce’s Butt, Beyonce Threw A Tantrum [IDonLikeYouInThatWay]

- What Type Of Guy Would You Be In An Apocalypse? [Guy Code]
- Channing Tatum: ‘I’m a fat kid on the inside. I love food so much’ [Celebitchy]
- Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson at The Internship premiere [Lainey's Gossip]
tom-hardy-500x520NOTE: TOM HARDY WENT ON THE DATE B/C SHE THIS CHICK HAS CANCER.

- Kelly Brook Nipple Does GQ Turkey of the Day [Drunken Stepfather, NSFW]
- Emma Stone & Andrew Garfield Are Still The Perfect Couple On The Set Of ‘The Amazing Spider Man 2′ [Socialite Life]
- Tom Hardy Takes Cancer Patient Fan On a Date [Evil Beet]
ddfffgggCLICK TO SEE MORE PICS!

- There Is.. Another.. Bieber Baby [The Superficial]
- Selena Gomez Nude For The Summer [Celeb Jihad]

- Are you a Bastardly Lady of the Day? [The Bastardly]

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Having A Bad Day? Think Again. Meth Addicts – Before & After Photos

Meth Users- Before & After Photos

Photo Credit: Own the rights to these photos? Please contact us immediately.

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How’s this for completely random content? Saw these over the weekend & figured a few of you sick bastards might enjoy flipping through the photos.

Just when you think your life sucks & you have nothing to live for, these tragic before & after photos of meth addicts should give you a little hope. Even though the drug is somewhat glorified in the hit series “Breaking Bad” (I’m a huge fan), the drug’s physical effects on people is nothing but tragic. The stark transformation in users over very short periods of time was absolutely shocking, to say the least. We’ll let the photos do the talking…

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Afternoon Chatter: Adriana/J.Alba Matchup / Miranda Gets Booted

adriana-jessica-1

If you haven’t already done so, please remember to vote for your favorite hottie: Adriana Lima or Jessica Alba. People suggested that we do an Adriana Lima bikini post to counter the flood of Jessica Alba bikini pics from over the weekend, but I personally think that would be an insult to Adriana Lima. Everyone knows what she’s all about & I don’t really think a bikini post will help or hurt. By this point in the tournament, people already know who they want. If you want to see pics of each woman, check the gallery or if you just want to vote, do so directly below:

Honestly, the day was going just fine until I read about Miranda Kerr getting cut from the Victoria’s Secret team. What the fuck is up with that? Like I said, that woman should be pulling in at least $5 million a year from VS, so who the hell knows why she was getting only $1 million over three years. It’s like LeBron James saying he’ll play for the Heat for $50K a year or Candice Swanepoel dating some no-name male model for the past 7 years. It’s all fucked up and doesn’t make any sense. VS can say all they want about how Miranda doesn’t sell, but when you have other models still on the team that don’t really deserve to be an Angel, I gotta call bullshit on the entire Miranda Kerr ouster. I’m sure there’s more to this than meets the eye, so I guess we’ll have to wait for Miranda to comment.

SUBMIT YOUR PHOTOS FOR A BASTARDLY RATING!!
1. Take a photo
2. Crop your head out (if you want)
3. Upload it to imgur.com
4. Paste the link in the comments.

It’s that easy! You’ll have critiques coming your way within minutes! Have trouble deciding which bikinis to take on your trip? No worries, we’ll help you decide…

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