Posts about Website Drama

Guest Writer: GrgeCdnBastard Analyzes an Iconic Posting

ashton-kutcher-3
ErikColquitt on Nov 7, 2013:

“What i Want to Expose, Rant and Write about is WHY and how is Ashton Kutcher STILL getting Laid?

Now Mind you im not player Hating, not in the Least.Theres an Old Saying in the Hood about Not Hating the Player, instead Hate the Game.

But the Evidence that one of THE most Talentless Slackers in Hollywood ( and thats Saying Something ) may be a Warlock , Satan Worshiper and or Wizard is Mounting and Staggering.

His Exposure as you know began with the moderate Hit in the late 90′s that 70′s Show.

Then in the Early 2000′s he bartered this low level of Fame to a Gig on MTV.

Unfortunately for Us, this made him ” Marketable ” to a whole new set of people.

Casting Agents!!

for some Inexplicable reason, someone decided to put him in Movies.

Over 8 movies in 11 years, and each one was Box Office Poison.

And still he Bagged Demi Moore who even Pushing 46 was Still considered a MILF/ Hottie.

After Several More Flops, Ashton Scored his Biggest Victory yet.

A Reccuring Role Inside Mila Kunis’s Vag.

Mila F-Ing Kunis, who happens to be Russian, Smoking Hot and looks like shes All of 14 years Old.

Mila Kunis, whos Stock and Hotness Level Increased Dramaticaly after her A-List Turn in Black Swan.

My Question is HOW can a guy with no Apparent Talent continue to score THIS level of Hotness?

Does he have a Super Long Schlong?

Does he Have the Location to The Lost City of Atlantis?

Is he a Warlock?

Someone Please Help us Solve this Mystery.”

There have been some timeless postings on MoeJackson over the years. Examples are Glimmer‘s infamous “wall of text”, Phil’s FedEx jacket and Guest’s chipmunk photo. More recently, there was the foregoing posting from ErikColquitt. I am certain that there is a secret message in there somewhere. What else could all the capital letters mean? So I decided to run the message through Google Translate. The answer was: “This does not compute.” Since I figured that there must be some high level encryption in this message, I also ran it through the top military decryption tools of several countries. These are the answers that I received:

Canada: “She’s a beauty, eh!”

Iran: “For showing her sinful mounds, we declare a fatwa against her. 71 celestial virgins to the winner.”

United States: “Jeb Bush for President.”

Sweden: “I want to eat her (fill in the blank).”

Personally, I think Erik is hinting that he has FoxyRoxy’s missing DVD and is just waiting for someone to ask him for it.

Anyone else know what this message means?

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Brainstorming The Guest Writer Gig; Have A Take About A Celebrity? Use Our Blow Horn!

typewriter

Ok, so I briefly mentioned this in an earlier post (the Claudia Romani post—AND NO, WE ARE NOT SLEEPING WITH HER!! Well, I don’t know about Devon…) and since a couple of you expressed some interest, we figure it’s worth brainstorming a little further in hopes to get some more input from others.

Ideally, the type of guest writers we had in mind were people (male or female, of course!) willing to focus on particular niche interests (i.e. foreign supermodels, best content from other blogs, celebrity moms, celebrities with great legs, celebrities who need to hook up, who should Leo sleep with next, celebs with awesome racks, who got plastic surgery over the past 12 months?, etc, etc) and run with posts discussing this niche obsession. The writers would be required to have a definitive take on the topic and go about supporting this take by using images, funny commentary, etc.

With that in hand, I’ll leave the rest for you guys to discuss in the comments below. At the end, we just want to mix shit up & have a little more fun.

UPDATE: Welcome to 2007! Including Photos In Your Comments Just Became 10,000x Easier

Screen Shot 2013-11-06 at 1.27.44 PM

UPDATE: We’re idiots and didn’t know we had to update settings on our end! I just tested it using other browsers and it appears to be working just fine! Test it out & let us know what’s up!

Thank you, Livefyre!!

Let’s use this post to test out this new feature that went live earlier this morning. We’re working on a mini-update to other parts of the site that you’ll see over the upcoming holidays. As always, wish us luck!

I don’t get to say this enough, but thanks to everyone for your continued support! We love our teenie-tiny community—even though it’s just 10 of us bullshitting about really beautiful people that we’ll never meet (fingers & toes crossed). Cheers to all you bastards!

ALSO: We have few extra small-sized “I’m pretty cute when you’re drunk” for those of you who wear that size. We’re working getting larger sizes of new designs. For those of who want a small, hit us up: Contact [at] Moejackson.

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January / February: Top Commenters & Other News

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I’m going to do my best to be more timely with these, but hey, it’s it’s completely free shit, so no complaining, you bastards!!

First let’s hit the winners for the past couple months. We should also note that since our user base is still in the process of growing & since we want to spread the love as much as possible, we’re going to ask monthly winners to sit out for two consecutive months before being eligible to win another prize. This is just to get some new names in the mix!

The Prize: $20 Ebay Gift Certificate! Until we figure out other rewards, we’re gonna stick with our Ebay gift certificates, so if you have any ideas for next month, chime in below!

All winners will need to contact us to claim your prize.

January
RoxyGilmour
johnconnor777
jimbolovesmiley
curvefan
Gabbo

February
xenia
Leni
Spanglylovesheels
McP
errsome

Upcoming changes:

- We’re dumping the infinite scroll, so enjoy it while it lasts. We received a lot of complaints, so we’re finally acting on it.

- Trying to figure out ways of making our gallery faster.

- The New Comments feed on the sidebar will get recoded so that it’s more accurate. Although, the comment counters should be fairly accurate on the front page now.

- Comment with other requests below.

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November / December: Top Commenters & Other News

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We finally got Livefyre fully implemented (they finished importing all our old comments on December 31st), so let’s see how comment traffic picks up as we move through 2013 (we’re going to be very, very patient). I know a number of you guys have pointed out the lack of support for images in the comments, but after fooling around with things a bit, we’re learning that it’s very random. It seems to automatically post images from certain image hosts, while just posting links from others. If any of you figure it out, let us know & we’ll spread the news. Videos from YouTube, on the other hand, show up perfectly fine when you paste the link to the video in the comment.

Aside from that, we’re currently in search for a capable WordPress developer to implement a few more tweaks, so if you have any major issues, please sound off below (or contact us directly) and we’ll definitely add that to the list of fixes.

CHANGES:
Besides renaming the site back to Bastardly.com & scraping the current site & going back to the old site, what’s the #1 thing we should concentrate on when doing updates? Also, does anybody use that big featured box at the top w/ the dates? We’re thinking about replacing the tabs with popular categories or possibly even scrapping it all together. And finally, what does the Catwalks section need in order to generate more love?

Top Commenters
Just so that more people can get a slice of the pie, we’re going to choose top five people from the previous month as opposed to just three. All winners will get the same prize b/c you’re all equally special (wink) and the biggest change of all is that a single person can only win for two consecutive months, after which they gotta sit out for a month. Hope that makes sense.

With that in hand, let’s go over our November & December winners (apologies for the delay):

November (in no particular order):
Leni
Skilligan
Mundo
BryanZee
Spanglylovesheels

December (in no particular order):
Mundo
Skilligan
Cowbulls
Bozz
BryanZee

Again, a big thank you to everyone else who wastes a few minutes of their day on the site b/c we know there are plenty of other options & thanks especially to all you winners. If your name is listed above, please contact us & we’ll email you your $20 Ebay certificate.

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October’s Top Commenters: Skilligan, Lenilovesfeet & Mundo; Prizes Include: Ebay & Fandango Gift Cards!

Before we announce this month’s prizes, I wanna let everyone know (all five of you bastards) that we’re planning to transition to a new commenting system within the next month. The delay is mostly because we’re still deciding between Disqus & Livefyre, but leaning toward the latter, mainly because it’s free & it’s the new kid on the block! If any of you have experience with either, please chime in below.

We can’t say this enough, but many thanks to everyone (again, all 5 of you) for your continued support as we slowly claw our way back to relevancy (3 more years to go!)! We’re doing our best to make the few minutes each of you spend on the site worth your time, so if you have any suggestions on that end, please comment below or contact us directly via email.

Let’s move to this month’s top commenters! The top-dogg was once again Skilligan, followed up by Leni & Mundo. Many thanks to the three, as well as all you other bastards who make the comments interesting. We’re still waiting or D55 to make a cameo appearance, as well as a few of the other, less-annoying commenters from over the years.

This month’s prizes include $50 Ebay gift card to Skilligan & $25 Fandango gift cards to Leni & Mundo. Please contact us with your email address to claim your prize!

RULES
For those of you looking to participate in November, all you have to do is use a non-anonymous account (Gravatar, WordPress, Twitter, Facebook, etc.) is not be annoying.

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MoeJackson’s $50 eBay Gift Card Giveaway: September’s Top Commenter

Wordpress NotificationsThe WordPress Notifications Tab

In order to induce a little more participation from a few of you old-schoolers who still linger here from time to, we felt monthly giveaways might help us in our efforts. We were just going to run with a simple Blu-ray off Amazon, but we felt the need to get a little creative, so we’re opting for an eBay gift card this first month. Who knows what we’ll give away next month, so if you’re interested in participating, show us some love by commenting on your favorite celebrities, especially in our daily catwalks section, which features fashionable celebrities who caught our eye over the past 24-48 hours.

The rules are simple: Just remember, you need to be registered (either via WordPress or use your Twitter or Facebook accounts) to qualify for these monthly giveaways. Anonymous commenters, regardless of how much you comment, are not eligible for the monthly giveaway. This first month was special, so we decided to go with just one commenter, but subsequent months will probably be different in that we might choose the top 3 or 5—depending on how we feel. Giveaway sizes will also vary depending on how things are going on the cash flow front. Also, if you’re gonna be annoying & leave stupid comments to rack up your count, you’ll automatically be disqualified. Jackson & I will gauge the annoyance level.

With that in hand, the first month’s winner is….[drum roll]….SKILLIGAN (Contact us @ contact moejackson.com to claim it!)! What a shocker, right? We wanna thank you for the love you’ve shown by commenting on pretty much every post since our relaunch last in August. As some of you bastards might have noticed, we’re picking up a couple new readers here & there, so we’re thinking that in about 2-3 years, we should be back to a steady flow of 10-15 readers! OW!

Since we want to induce more of you bastards to join the community via WordPress (Sign Up Here), we figured this might be a good time to show off the notifications tab which allows for readers to keep up with their own comments left on various blogs, as well as easily read new comments on the site without having to visit each & every page. Trust me, it’s pretty cool & makes the process of following a blog much easier. Check below for a couple screenshots:
The WordPress Notifications Tab

Visit Us On Your Smartphone!
The mobile version of the site is a stripped down version of the site, but allows for fast commenting & easy viewing of photos in the gallery. You can swipe your way through photos in the gallery & leave quick comments as you run through posts. Check it out wen you get a second, but make sure you view the mobile version of site & not the full version.

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Housekeeping: How Are Things Now?

We’ve been endlessly tweaking things on the site for the past couple weeks so I hope the two or three of you bastards who are still around find some of the changes useful. Our goal is to find a healthy balance between community, ease of use and stability, so thank you for your patience while we work through the kinks!

Please take a few seconds to give us constructive feedback and we’ll do our best to take all your suggestions into consideration when deciding what to tackle next.

Community Will Return
We’ve done this a long time & each time we’ve transitioned people have left for one reason or another. This time we’re thinking much more long-term than before & I can all but guarantee a new batch of peeps will settle in. It might take a few months or a year, but they will come. At the end of the day, crazy people will drive us nuts whether they’re logged in or not (we have many examples from over the years), but the benefits of an open community are far greater. We just came to the realization that a gossip site shouldn’t force people create an account when somebody just wants to leave a couple thoughts & never come back. At times, those are some of the most entertaining comments. At the end of the day, we’re commenting on celebrities, their respective legs, racks, butts, etc., so we gotta stop taking ourselves so seriously & just enjoy the few minutes away from our robot lives. Right?!

Navigating The Gallery
We’ve made it so that you can click on the photo itself to go to the next photo. Once each gallery set finishes, it will go to the next gallery in the archives, so if you’re really bored out of your mind, you can literally spend a few days in the gallery section & not even scratch the surface of our entire collection of nearly 40,000 posts over the past eight years. Ya, I know, we have no lives.

HTML For Posting Photos & Videos
If you’re looking post photos, use simple HTML like this:
IMG SRC HTML
Videos are much easier: Just paste the YouTube video link & it’ll automatically embed the video to the comment. Video services other than YouTube will appear as links..

Feature Highlight: Daily Catwalks
Catwalks
Previously we used to create separate posts for these daily catwalks, but that limited the number of celebrities we could post, as well as the speed we could get new photos up on the site. This new section attacks both problems and creates an area that’s offers a highly curated selection of candid and red carpet photos that we feel deserve a spotlight. You can easily comment on these photos by clicking directly on the photo or on the comment bubble that appears when hovering over the photo.

Let us know how we can make this section better. We truly feel it makes the consumption of the latest photos far easier than before! Less clicks, ads and pageloads! Who doesn’t like that?

Feature Highlight: Mobile Version
While obviously not as robust as the full version, we still like what you can do on the new mobile site! You can quickly view photos in the gallery and make comments when on your smartphone! When you’re on the go, the mobile site is definitely worth a look-see.

Again, thank you for your support and patience. We’ll continue trying our best to win you bastards over one by one. In the meantime, happy browsing!

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