Monthly Archives: May 2004

Beauty @ the ‘Soul Plane’ Premiere

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Today, I will catch the matinee show, but for now I will leave you guys with some HOT photos taken at the Premiere. These are just some of my favs:
First, we have our main man, Snoop, sporting his Gangsta Pilot Suit. No, he didn’t wear this to the premiere. This was just a cool photo I decided to pop in. I know, I know. I’m losing a lot of of my credibility in choosing movies by pushing this film so much, but screw it. People will soon see. True threatre comes alive when people act with the intent to entertain their audience—not shock them with the blatant glamorization of murderous, mythical heroes (i.e. Troy) or of course, rely on computer generated flicks b/c modern actors simply don’t cut it (i.e. Shrek 2—I know I’d like this movie if I saw it, but I’m trying to prove a point make).*

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My Hick Life…

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Truly sad, I tell you. I learned to edge my lawn today. I never thought it come to this, but yes, I edged my lawn to perfection, God damn it! I used a powerful Black & Decker edger that caught the eye of some of my hick neighbors who were also tolling away in their robot lives w/ de-weeding, lawn mowing, & random garden upgrades. One guy even came over and checked out my edger. I won’t go into our exciting conversation. Anyway, now all I need to do is buy a Ford F150, get one of those lame wood carriages that look like they’re about to come off of trucks and hit other cars on the freeway (you people in cities probably have no clue what I’m talking about), buy a hardcore lawn mower and lastly, drive around cutting other peoples’ lawn through the guise of my own lawn mowing business.

Ok change of topic… *

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Bloody Gas Prices

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I know it’s probably cheaper here than anywhere else in the States, but it’s really upsetting. Gas prices in the South have gone from an average of $1.30 to $1.95 in a matter of 2 months! If this won’t contribute to deflation then I have no clue what will. I used to go and have ice-cream @ Marble Slab or hit up B&N for their mags or get some coffee at a local coffee joint, but I have to tame my trips down a bit now that the prices are slowly inching up each day to record levels.

I drive a small Mitsubishi Mirage, so I might be complaining a little too much, but I see all these people in their huge ass SUVs and wonder what it feels like to literally pay up their asses for 40 gallons once or, God forbid, twice a week. You know the thought of selling their Money Guzzler and buying a humble Civic crosses their mind as they stand there painfully watching the meter race up to $60 or $80 per fill-up. God, it is a sad-sad reality, but I think those people who can afford SUVs can most probably maintain them, as well (at least, I hope they can).

Anyway, weekend is going to be pretty boring. Doing a BBQ today for a party later tonight. It’s never fun doing a bloody BBQ when it’s 95 degrees & humid outside.

Oh one last thing. There is a new “Print” link next to Comments under each post. Now you can actually print our wonderful posts and save it to read later when you’re on the bus, the sub, or the airplane & having having trouble going to sleep. I’m trying to get an E-Mail link going as well, but first have to work through a few bugs.

Ratings: Lisa Marie & Michael Jackson

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You knew this rating was on its way. Yes, they both were together, but it was only for the public to see. I doubt they had any deeper relationship than that (at least, I hope to God they didn’t).

Dear lord, have mercy!Lisa Marie is a very special case. She was hot leading up to her adult life, but as she got older, she kept enjoying the fruits of her daddy’s millions. Those fruits went straight to her stomach, face, neck, ass, you name it! Lisa needs to get her daddy’s checkbook out and do the following:

– give one check to a hired nutritionist- one check to a bloody personal trainer-actually maybe hire two. One to train her and one to follow her around and make sure she’s not binging on 5lb steaks- plastic surgery is always an option in my book. Especially if you are the daughter of the King of Rock n’ Roll & have access to his millions. I would suggest getting fat suctioned out of her cheeks, arms, waste, ass, thighs and every other body part to bring her back to what she looked like when she was 25. How old is she now, anyway? 40?! Who knows. But she looks real beat up for her age-whatever it happens to be. *

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Kelly Clarkson and other parts of last night I caught…

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alright, so yesterday i stated that Kelly Clarkson is fine and if you watched last night you’re probably going to think I’m on crack for saying that. But I’ll have to give my analysis on what I caught last night.

Okay, so Kelly comes out for that performance with Predator, Kool-Aid man, and Ruben. She lookin all sexy with that shiny silver sparkly bra with the coat over it and like one button done. So I’m thinking to myself, "damn, i wanna unbotton that." Now she looked pretty fine in that performance. HOWEVER, I start watching some other stuff and come back to Fox where she’s doing her second performance and it’s a close up of her head and her multiple chins. Then I see she’s sitting on a piano…two things went through my head, 1st: damn, kelly clarkson got herself another chin now and 2nd: man, i hope that piano can hold up her big round ass. I mean, wtf happened to her? I mean she had a little squish and that was all nice. Then, I remember seeing Making the Video for "Before Your Love" and she looked fine and then the video for "Miss Independent" she be all slimmy and fine….but this!?! goodness, all i’m asking for is 5 lbs off and a little bit of cardio to get rid of chin number 2. But yeah, she’s still fine to me…*

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Ratings – Macy Gray & Kimberly Locke

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Beauty Definitely not UnLockedIn order to form an appropriate & consistent rating system of really bad & good looking individuals, I’m posting up two people Jackson mentioned in his Diana v. Fantasia post.

On a scale from 1-10, 10 being a person that I have yet to see in any industry or country in all my travels & thankfully, I have yet to see any 1s (but I’m sure the other authors can speak for themselves). I Think I have seen many 8s walking around, but 9s and 10s are close to impossible, my friends. Anyway, here are some 2s-2.5s. I’ll try to get a photo of a 1, so you can see the absolute worst in physical appearance. *

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Letter from a Boy

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Title of Letter: “Thou Shalt Do No Murder.”

To M. Herman Sneiders, Commandant of the National Guard of the Midelburg district.

Dear Sir,— Last week I received a document ordering me to appear at the municipal office to be, according to the law, enlisted in the National Guard. As you probably noticed, I did not appear, and this letter is to inform you, plainly and without equivocation, that I do not intend to appear before the commission. I know well that I am taking a heavy responsibility, that you have the right to punish me, and that you will not fail to use this right. But that does not frighten me. The reasons which lead me to this passive resistance seem to me strong enough to outweigh the responsibility I take.

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Office Guilt

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Office guilt is when all these people try to sell you crap (things ranging from boxes of chocolates to magazines to bloody, useless wrapping paper!) and you have to use new excuses each time to turn them down. The guilt that follows this act is ‘Office Guilt.’

Seriously, it’s like every day some woman will walk into my 6×6 rat hole and make their sales pitch. This pitch is sometimes longer than necessary and at other times a blatant attempt to steal your money from your wallet w/ no remorse.*

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Diana vs. Fantasia

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Another subject I wanted to touch on…

so I don’t really care about American Idol b/c Jasmine got voted off. That’s probably the same thing all other Lindsay Lohan / Olsen Twins sick bastaad fans like myself felt too.

btw, is it wrong for me to say that Lindsay Lohan has a nice rack? but anyways….back to the subject.

I’ve already commented on Fantasia having the Predator lips and I’m sorry but I don’t want some 19 year old who got knocked up and have a baby girl in a society that frowns upon un-wed mothers being the american idol. Her pure unattractiveness ranks somewhere between Macy Gray and Kimberly Locke.

Diana…can’t you see her as the Kool-Aid man bursting through the wall if she won and saying, “ooooooh yeah!” ..’cause I sure as hell can. Like, I’m sure if you put her on Atkins or the South Beach diet she could drop some poundage and be alright looking.

Now, they say Kelly Clarkson had a some fat when she won…I disagree. Kelly Clarkson is fine…she got a nice size dumpa on her and yeah, she’d totally be more fantasy masturbation material than frickin Diana and Fantasia. Jasmine as the American Idol would’ve given all those teenage boys and R.Kelly’s in the world to have another piece of jailbait to whack off to.

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