Monthly Archives: September 2004

Jessica Simpson's Cheapo Boob Job

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Jessica’s Boobs
Jessica, tsk tsk. I never understood how people could listen to her sing, but I guess if you put her on mute, it’s not all that bad, right? Well, some people also had her on mute and managed to notice her deformed boobs. Jessie, tell your dad not to eat up all the money you pull in. That bastard could’ve at least gotten you a decent surgeon to do your boobs, right?

You don’t have to look too carefully to notice that Jessica’s boobs are pretty f’d-up, to say the least. The left appears to have fallen victim to gravity when you compare it to its much rounder neighbor to the right. Seriously, did she temporarily go blind when her doc asked her, “So how do those look, Jessie?”

BRITNEY MAKES BABY PLANS

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Pop superstar Britney Spears is planning on becoming a mom in 2005.
The singer, who wed dancer Kevin Federline on Saturday, insists she isn’t already with child, despite rumors to the contrary, but she does want to start a family in the near future.

In an exclusive post-wedding interview with People magazine, she says, “I can see us as parents. I can see myself as a mom. Next year at 23, I am so there.”

In marrying Federline, Spears has become a stepmom to the dancer’s 2-year-old daughter Kori and baby son Kaleb.

Brought to you by the Daily Dish.

Michael Jackson: Specimen #Freak

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AIDS epidemic: Countless million strong.

Hungry: nearly 50% of India, 80% of Africa (guess) & others.

U.S. Poverty: 1.3m added to the previous number of poor.

Not what, but who does one of the top Universities in the world choose to study?! Bloody Michael Jackson!! Seriously. What’s the world coming to? Their main questions:

Is Michael Jackson black or white? A genius, eccentric or wacko? Straight, gay or merely effeminate?

Answers: 1. Once a Brotha, always a Brotha! 2. Eccentric Genius. 3. Effeminately Straight. See, now did that require 18 scholars & millions of dollars?!

Jackson’s changing image, particularly his lightened skin tone, smaller nose and straightened hair, have led to criticism of his racial identity. In addition, songs such as “Black or White” or the video for “Beat It,” which shows him breaking up a fight between a black and a white gang, have demonstrated his stance on racial prejudice.

Thanks to Zap 2 It & The Plain Reader

Apart from Yale obviously having way too much research dough in their coffers, Michael Jackson has his share of money, as well. He has probably donated more money to the poor & sick than any bastardly politician currently holding office.

It’s unfortunate that even the academic community has now sold-out & joined up with the paparazzi to hound The King of Pop. Leave the poor man alone, for God’s sake! He is merely a deformed, insecure product of our wonderful society!

Study the Olsen Twins, you superficial knowledge-whores!

D.C., Yo!

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I’ve yet to go wrong with DC. In comparison to any other city in my travels (except, of course, my home village of Newadah, Bihar), DC has a lot to offer during the day before it’s time to put on that special, baby-blue shirt & dive into its eclectic nightlife.

When it comes to the nightlife, it’s all about Adam’s Morgan & particularly the Ghana Cafe, baby! [Quick review: The Ghana is a sweet little reggae bar/club where all the brothas enjoy the beats & the beauties shake their booties on the second floor.] Unfortunately, we were not physically prepared to hit up the Ghana (this time around). I seriously need to grow out my fro again, gain approximately 20-25 lbs & of course, con some beautiful, black woman to take me in as her man (the last two Ghana prereqs will be tough!) .

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Lil Kim: Plastic Surgery & The Law

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Dude, what have you done to yourself, sistah? I don’t know about you guys, but Michael Jackson is lookin’ a little more attractive these days than Lil’ Kim. Yes, that sounds kinda homosexual, but it’s the dirty truth.
Anyway, Lil’ Kim might spend millions on changing the way she looks, but she’s still ghetto down under. You can never do surgery on the ghettoness, baby.

Kim is scheduled to stand trial on February 28 on charges of lying to a grand jury about the same incident (see “Lil’ Kim Pleads Not Guilty, Released On $500,000 Bail”). The rapper was indicted in April for telling the jury she was not present at the time of the shooting and did not know at least one of the suspects involved. She pleaded not guilty in U.S. District Court in New York. [MTV]

I’m gonna do my “Lil’ Kim: From Glamour to Ugly” post when I have the patience to stare at frightening photos for more than 5-10 minutes at a time.

The Great Tony Blair

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Mr. Blair

I try to stay away from politics because I’ve come to the simple understanding that change comes from within oneself and not through useless/endless political discussions. Although, when it comes to exposing, I’m all for it, baby.

As we all well know, these leaders tout peace and prosperity in front of cameras, but they hide behind the cloak of hypocrisy. Another poor victim/bystander of all this useless war & hatred recently pleaded to Mr. Tony Blair,

“I need you to help me now, Mr. Blair, because you are the only person on God’s earth who can help,” Bigley, 62, said in a video on the Internet and aired by broadcasters. “Please, please help me see my wife who cannot go on without me — and my son.” The engineer at Gulf Supplies and Commercial Services also asked for the release of female prisoners in Iraq, his captors’ main demand.

Where was Tony Blair, you ask?

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Finally: Paris Hilton Gets Egged

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As much I hate to turn this site into a Paris news feed, I had to point this one out for kicks. This happened on the 13th, so it’s kinda old….

Anyway, it was bound to happen, a’right. I was actually planning my own heist if she ever bothered to swing through the south. Well, 2 brave guys (98% chance they were frat boys from UCLA) grew the balls to actually egg Paris while she jabbed off overly obvious tips on how to whore yourself to rich men & the media. World Entertainment News Network reports on the action that went down @ West Hollywood’s Book Soup store for yuppies & the like:

Paris was very shaken and could not believe it when the crowd started chanting and hurling abuse.

All of a sudden two guys threw eggs at her head but they missed and cracked on her shoulder.

Paris had to be shielded by eight bodyguards and was really upset.

Props to Teen Hollywood
 & of course, those two punks!

Hold up! It seriously took eight fucking bodyguards to cover up an 80lb stick of a heiress?! Were these bodyguards, by chance, midget bodyguards?

Irregardless, I want to see some bloody photos as proof!

More Insights from PhC, Inc.

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(For you newbies, PhC = Paris Hilton Consulting)

In her best selling book (thank god for those Editors!), Paris gives some more inside pointers on how to take advantage of situations using your beauty and money. This is a follow up to a previous entry in which she gives advice to Ellen DeGeneres. First, we will indulge in somewhat of a hypocritical statement:

I take my dog Tinkerwell seriously. I take my work seriously. But I don’t take myself all that seriously. Never be too easy. If you’re too easy, a guy knows he has you.

No comment on this one.

Next we follow up with another excerpt from this historic book:

It doesn’t hurt to act rich as well as hot. I’ve found it to be a fairly unbeatable combination. Who’s a guy going to go for, a girl who’s gorgeous or a girl who’s gorgeous and rich?

Quotes taken from Irish Examiner

God have mercy on our society & all those innocent, teenage girls who will save up their allowance to purchase this work of art.

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