Monthly Archives: September 2004

Lame Search Words & An Ugly Beach

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Santa Monica Beach, today. Literally gross. Sole reason why I hated going to beaches in Cali.

1. FAMOUS ACTRESSES WITH CLOSE-SET EYES [Love the detail]
2. hiromi oshima sex tape
3. hiromi oshima nelly
4. hiromi oshima threesome [yes, one more!]
5. varian gray [part-time correspondent]
6. fuck indians outsourcing bastards [haha]
7. define fobby [Jax/Melissa, one of you should do a Fob Personality type as you two have more experience]
8. lame chan
9. Nick Carter Paris Hilton bruise
10. vanessa bryant gain weight [She’s still hot, baby]
11. fobbed out [Jax/Melissa: When you do the Personality Type, give examples. haha]
12. ashlee simpson has large breasts I never got passed her nose
13. lam ka yan damn sexy [fobby search in all its glory]
14. The Thai Princess Thai Drama [Melissa, you have some fans]

and of course, a crowd we proudly cater…

15.-Black guys with japanese girl

Prophet Madonna

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Material Girl Ale, Baby

Above is the photo of Material Girl Ale, which is famously named after the Queen of Entertainment Marketing, Madonna. I wonder what kind of royalties she’s pulling in for this deal.

Surely, the Kabbalah, Inc. considers having an ale named & designed after oneself a sin. Right?! In doing some research, I found Alan Hassan’s website, Freedom of Mind, in which there is a cute little Kabbalah Learning Center. As I read, I fell upon these wise words,

“Alcohol carries light”, therefore -especially in the retreats in LA - consumption of alcohol is encouraged to “get close to the light” as part of rituals, also to minors.

Weird, indeed. So does this make Madonna the ‘Light’
 since Material Girl Ale is in fact around 7.5% Alcohol? If she donates another $100 million to the cause, I’m sure Kabbalah, Inc. would most probably declare her a prophet of some sort. Wouldn’t surprise me at all.

Who really knows what the Kabbalah really is. Just buy the Kabbalah merchandise and drink some of the nutty Ale, for God’s sake! When you’re well tipsy & seeing the light of Kabbalah wisdom, all questions will subside & money will just flow out of your pockets to the current CEO of Kabbalah, Inc.

Hiromi Oshima - Another Pic

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Varian Gray has been gracious enough to provide us with another personal picture of him and Hiromi Oshima…the girl who left him for fame with Playboy. She has stirred up quite a bit of conversation amongst the comments from the last post and the first post where I ever mentioned her. This picture is from whe they lived together in Playa del Carmen…moving from Puerto Vallarta back in ’02.

Does Hiromi not look happy to be with Varian?

What started as a post to show the sweet girl from Tokyo before the fame of Playboy has become a verbal assult towards both parties. Our readers have inquiring minds and thought provoking information that only Varian and Hiromi could really answer…

Comments about Varian Gray and Hiromi Oshima from our readers include:

“What I want is for Mr. Varian Gray(whoever he is) to give us a detailed description of what it was like to slide his mushroom headed warrior into Hiromi-chan’s quivvering mound of love pudding.” - Steve

“Hiromi Oshima is a vacuous slut. Back in April I saw two black guys double team her in public! It was behind the Marlin Hotel on Ocean Drive. Absolutely disgucting. She’s a filthy negro cock whore.” - Steve

“Last fall she spent the night with Nelly and Juvenile(that tape would outsell the NIGHT IN PARIS video) again at the Marlin, but this time in a room.” - Steve

“I’ve been told that she likes to be taken from behind;…” - Steve

“Varian, I’d like to know how Hiromi liked to get it. There is a well documented back alley gang bang she endulged in, anything freaky that went down during your tenure with the Shibuya-Super-Slut?” - Steve

Varian, would you like to comment?

Ivana Trump To Host MILF Show!

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I-don’t-vana
Yes, following in the footsteps of her ex-husband turned manwhore, Donald Trump, Ivana Trump is set to create a new reality TV show of her own. “Ivana Man” will be its name. Although, I thought FOX was a little more creative than “Ivana Man.” It has a ring to it, but when you think about the model turned 55-year old drag queen, your stomach gets queasy & your mind fills with the desire to vomit. Here are some wise words from Ivana:

“I cannot be with an older man. They’re too set in their ways. … I prefer to be a baby-sitter than a nursemaid.”

um…ok. A little weird, but weird is good. Especially for reality TV.
Come to think of it, MILFs are plentiful in major metropolitan cities, but I figure these women have to offer other amenities apart from sex in order to successfully reel in some young fish. I’m talkin’ free use of their Netjets flying time, trips to exotic locations, possibly access to their 20-something daughters (where applicable).
Two questions remain:

(1) Will this show only be watched by depressed older women & young, gay men?

(2) And why is I-don�t-vana’s last name still Trump? Is it b/c she robbed him of millions?

Bitch Got Scurred!!!

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Bitch tried to pull a Kate on Barkley. Read this

Hmm…a day after this bitch sees that Kobe’s case is dismissed she drops her complaint?

Good move you stupid greedy whore, trying to weezle money outta another great basketball player…it’s frickin Charles Barkley, that mothafuckin round mound of rebound…you can’t touch him either!!!!

Æon Flux: Delayed!

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For those of you kids who do not know, there’s an Æon Flux movie coming out staring the beautifully hot (is ‘beautifully hot’ even possible?) & sexy Charlize Theron! This is made to order for the western world, so I’m assuming it will be a crazy hit. Actually, it will be damn hard to replicate the toon with all its crazy characters & worlds, but anything’s possible in a post-Matrix era! Irregardless, the movie will be indefinitely delayed (minimum 6 weeks) due to injuries suffered by our Spicy Charlize. What kind of injuries? Well, Seattle Times overheard a Charlize rep saying,

“No cuts, no broken bones. I think it was something less tangible than that. … Something vague and nagging.”

Since when were we playing ‘guess the injury?!’ Shit. That is, by far, one of the most useless ‘updates’ on an injured entertainer, I’ve heard. This “representative” should be fired.

Anyway, moving on to a more nostalgic tone. God. I loved this show. Even though Æon (product of an Asian, Steve) was one of those shows where I watched almost every episode on MTV, but for some odd reason, I had no bloody clue what was going on. The plot was so beyond me. I just remember a really tall scientist in a long white-coat & an equally tall woman decked out in the skimpiest of lingerie running around in these completely screwed up worlds. I have faint images of them in incubators & at times injecting crap inside one another, so my mind tends to pick up the sick stuff, as you can see.

FREE KOBE!!!

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“This motion is to dismiss based on the sole fact that the victim is unable to continue,” District Attorney Mark Hurlbert told the judge. Read here

Damn right…fuckin whore!

Defense attorneys Pamela Mackey and Hal Haddon told the sports network that the accuser “insisted on that statement as a price of freedom.” Read here

Damn right…fuckin whore!!!…that’s all she’ll get outta him!

Kobe should just give her the amount he makes in one quarter of play and tell her white trash trailer park cunt to go home…

….I say Mark Hurlbert deserves an ass-raping for his stupidity in the case

Bastardly.com Is Born!

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Yes-yes. It’s that time, kids. It’s time to go to an even lower low. Just when you thought Phatchicks.com was quite possibly the most horrible name for a weblog that represents all that is listed above, Bastardly.com comes into play.

So tell all your Vietnamese family & friends. Tell even those horny Hiromi Oshima-stalker friends. And lastly, don’t forget those especially cool friends who love to hate Asslee Simpson. Remind them now that the party is not over yet, it just moved down the block to Bastardly.com.

Oh yeah, one last thing…
Remember, we love all people. Bastard kids are not at fault for anything, nor are their parents. Actually, let me take that back. If anything, society should call the parents Bastards & leave the poor kids alone. Being born a bastard is just as beautiful of a thing as being conceived by a couple in wedlock—No difference except when you’re a bastard child, society assumes your mommy was knocked up (thus, the negative connotation). Although in some cases that might be true, you are still special & the wild sex your mommy & daddy enjoyed was special, too (at least, at that particular time).

Enjoy!

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