Some good gossip
TOMMY LEE REALITY SHOW CAUSES CONTROVERSY, DUNST HINTS AT GYLLENHAAL REUNION (lame), JAY-Z AND R KELLY FEUD DURING TOUR, GODZILLA TO GET STAR ON WALK OF FAME as well as other great stories at sfgate
Monthly Archives: October 2004
Pamela Anderson: The 2nd Coming
This photo is interesting. It really shows how tiny Christina is compared to a normal human being. Pam’s boobs are like half of Christina’s entire body! Who’s the odd one out?
I’ve always had very good penis karma. I used to say I’d never seen a small one, but recently, maybe I have. [Female First]
Obviously, change is all around Pamela Anderson. Apart from the small penises, Pam just released her first novel a few weeks back. Furthermore, she now reads the the Bible (no joke!), takes her two kids to church & manages to play soccer mom once school cuts out. Seriously. This is the same lady who had a sex tape floating around a few years back. If you think about it, she’s now aging (see photo above) & can no longer wholly rely on her beauty to get her places. The book explains it all. She is forced to rely on past sexual experiences to create future opportunities.
It was really therapeutic and humbling for me to go back and remember the events of my life. It was interesting writing the sex scenes. It’s so similar to my life that people are going to go, ‘Wait a second!’ [Sky Showbiz]
This happens all the time in Showbiz & it’s truly tragic, but I think Pams can pull through. She has the personality & the desire to change, but we’ll assess her progress in a couple years. Although one thing’s for sure, Pam’s obviously trying a little harder than Tommy Lee (don’t blame him for his gifted anatomical advantages—Bastaaard!).
On top of all this, Pamela was rewarded with 2 BOYS! That pretty much sucks, man. Why would God be so cruel as to give a Playboy bunny & inventor of the illusive sex-tape TWO BOYS?! With all this in hand, the main hurdles for Pamela in the coming years include:
1. Teaching her boys how to sparingly use their personal light sabres inside their pants
2. Keeping her boys away from naked photos of herself
3. Keeping her boys away from her sex videos with Tommy Lee (and others not yet released)
4. Explaining to her kids why she has changed
5. Keeping her boys’ friends from staring at her boobs
6. Keeping her kids’ friends’ fathers from “chaperoning” sleepovers at her house.
God have mercy on Pamela Anderson.
Shoelacing is an artform…
I did not know…
Random Office Rage!!!
Okay…so in this corporate ass-raping financial institution I work at I think that I have had it stuck it in me many many times….
So here’s why I’m pissed right now. 6 minutes before my conf call at 11am I get a call from one of the women upstairs because they want me to install some software on this new user’s machine. First off, hand installs of apps are against corporate policy at my ass-raping job because we have a centralized delivery method that sucks ass and lengthens the process of getting end users what they need. But since I’m the fucken hot shot around here that has permissions to do anything to a computer here I do it…in hopes that I get recognition in some way to my boss that I’m a helpful ass bender overer.
Anyways, so I get that call and I tell her that I have a conf call for atleast 30 minutes and I’ll come up afterwards when I got time. She’s fine with that and gives me the user’s number and I get on my call. 4 minutes into my call I see this other chick from that floor and the guy come down to my rat hole death cube to see if I’m available. What the fuck!?!? I mean, if I said I have a conf call, I have a fucken conf call!!! Don’t come down here to check on me to see if I was fibbing or not!!! If I said I’ll get to it when I get a chance I’ll muthafuckin get to it when I got a chance.
These fuckers think that all I do is sit next to my phone just waiting to be their IT support bitch! Oh hell fucken no! Goddamitt!!!! I hate this shit!!! They should be fucken happy that I’ll even come by and do this shit because it’s against policy! Son of a bitch I tell you…now as I’m trying to write this post the guy has called me two more times for help! Shit, I swear, I’m a bit more qualified then just stupid ass desktop support. Fucken bitches I tell you!!! I got enough fuckers riding my case right now and you fuckers come down here to check up on me!?!? Really, all it’s for is for some fucken voice recorder software…and it’s fucken lunch time…goodness is it that goddam important for me to get to it at that fucken moment!??! Christ!!! I need to get paid more for all this ass-raping I take here!!!
The S Factor: Strip & Tone!
Meet the owner: Sheila Kelley
Teri Hatcher talked about, so I was compelled to dig a little deeper. The question at hand: What is the S Factor?
…a groundbreaking movement technique that will help you find a great new way to workout and an inspiring body attitude. The S Factor promises to empower, enlighten and change the lives of women everywhere!
Raaaaeeeeeat. To put it in simple English: Stripper 101, baby! For guys looking to get their women gifts this holiday season, I suggest you go for the 8 week curriculum which runs around $400. This is a long-term investment, alright. If you do the math, 400 bones works out to around 13 Vegas lap dances (avg price @ $30 a pop; doesn’t include cover). Now, just think about it! It will cost you ONLY 13 lap dances to unlock the door to infinite lap dances over the course of your lifetime. These days you come home from a long, hard day of robotic work to your couch and your remote control. But now, following this small investment, you can come home to your very own stripper in the privacy of your very own living room! My God! Ok-ok, it doesn’t hurt to fantasize a little, right?
If you do think about it, this $800 investment could end up biting you in the ass, too. You see, your woman could learn the moves of The Stripper & possibly upgrade your ass to someone she’s been wantin’ to sleep with for a longtime. The Man-Upgrade is a direct result of her newly discovered S Factor advantage over other fishies in the pool. So make sure you’re in a well-committed & financially stable relationship b/c I don’t want angry emails coming to me in June, 2005!
Some interesting lines from the site…
The movement we teach is intimate, beautiful and strenuous. We ask for complete confidentiality from all of our students. What happens in the class stays in the class.
Simple. There is none required. Some women take nothing off. Some women strip to their g-string. I don’t want anyone to strip beyond the g. My motto is: Do only what you feel comfortable with. The class is about introducing you to a unique and empowering workout that will change your life. It’s not about nudity.
Nudity is saved for home, baby.
What are the materials that will be required?
1. Stripping shorts (Ow! Yeah, baby!)
2. Dancer’s thong/g-string (Ow!)
3. Push-up bra (Not if you opt for the plastic surgery option)
4. T-shirt or short dress From your own closet
5. 6 inch platform heels — yes, six inch!!! (Oh God have mercy!)
Few last selling points. This could open doors and turn your living room into this. Jackson, I don’t mean orgies, alright! Now run along kids. Go and figure out a nice stripper name for your woman! Good luck, my friends!
I love eggs.
This was one of the cutest things I have ever seen. Plus, dammit I’ve always wanted to write a song about how much I love eggs. I guess some fobby person has beat me to it. Man I really want to eat an egg right now.
My Favorite Fobby Song!!!
Okay, so in one post I went off on this one fobby song and how the video had them on a date at Chili’s and only Sokha knew what the hell I was talking about…but no one else.
Well, the song is “Can’t Wait” by Yuki Hsu f/ Yoo Seung Joon. I have no idea what she is singing in Chinese but Yoo Seung Joon be spitting some hot fire!!! I can’t post the whole video but here are the highlights….
She’ s thinking, “Wow, so rugged with his shaved head!” *tee hee. He’s thinking, “Damn yo, what’s up girl, how’s about you and me get together and make some babies! Fa sho!”
Here’s Yoo Seung Joon’s tribute to the “Mo Money Mo Problems” video. Shiny outfit w/ his entourage of dancers…however, Puffy had chicks dancing behind…and where’s M-A-Dollar Sign-E?
Here she is sitting by herself at that fine date establishment Chilis in her Pocahontas outfit enjoying a tropical looking drink….a hee hee!
So this is a typical cheesy fobby song…and I LIKE IT!!!!
Doesn’t this make you want your next date to be at Chilis?
Angelina Jolie's Esquire Layout!
Upon breaking up with Angelina, Billy Bob apparently said, “I was afraid of her. She was too beautiful, too smart. She had too much integrity. I felt small next to her.” Yes, it sucks that it had to come down to those sad-sad words. We feel for you, man. Well, in a recent Reader’s Digest interview, Angelina responded to those comments.
I am not very settled. The positive side of that is I’m on fire all the time, to try anything. The negative side is there isn’t a lot of time for me to sit and watcha movie and hold hands. I tent to not be inside my relationships. I tend to be more focused on the world. It takes a certain kind of man to love those things.
Once again, as long as you cover airfare, I’ll be that man!
Britney's Zit Prerogative
That can’t be her!
Who wants to pop Britney’s Zits (apart from Kevin Federline’s Penis)? Ok-ok, that penis comment was just out of line!
World Entertainment News reports:
Britney Spears has reportedly used a two-year-old photograph on the cover of her new greatest hits album - because she’s unhappy with the way she looks now. According to sources, Spears’ head was airbrushed over an old body shot for the front of her Greatest Hits: My Prerogative CD. But she’s still not happy with the result. She is quoted in British magazine New! saying, “I look like a porn star. And why the blonde hair? I am so over being blonde.”
Britney, just don’t resort to bloody plastic surgery b/c I don’t want to see your messed up face on the cover of every Tab while I’m buying milk!!
This post …
is pretty much about nothing. I am trying to fill space so every time I come to the site I don’t have to see that scary picture. Geez Moe!!! My god, I can’t look at it anymore. So I have decided to give some culture to the many readers of Bastardly (more importantly to save myself from viewing that god awful picture). Below is a picture of the Floating Market in Thailand. Its famous! You get on a boat and buy shit from other boats.