Posts from September 2014

Body Double: Kari Ann Peniche & Carmen Electra

 after a late four martini lunch by 7

It’s a mini-stretch, but look for yourselves. I’m using a photo of Carmen from a couple years back before she decided to visit LA plastic surgeons & Kari Ann’s photo is from her recent Playboy layout.

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JC Chasez STILL Sleeping With Eva Longoria

 around evening with martini & women in hand by 29

Emmy’s JC & Eva
Photo Taken on 9/19/04 @ the Emmy’s*.

They were together then and they will be having wild, crazy Latino sex tonight (if JC has any brain inside his skull). JC, you must understand:
1. In Hollywood relationships don’t last more than 12 months, so you must ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY!
2. And most importantly, you’re no longer in ‘NSYNC & therefore don’t have the pull you did just 1.5 years ago. So naturally, when this hits her, don’t be too surprised when she leaves your ass for Tommy Lee or Dave Navarro.
3. This last one doesn’t make sense, but it’s for all the guys out there: Always remember, man, the path to true stardom (although scandalous) is the elusive sex video. Do it for us, yo!
Enjoy while you can, man.

Eva Longoria’s steamy days shooting ‘Desperate Housewives’ seems to be paying dividends for JC Chasez. The couple were all over each other at a Rock The Vote event at Esquire House in Los Angeles on October 13th. “It was like, ‘Get a room’,” a witness tells Us Weekly. “She just grabbed him and it was total full-body make-out! And when she released him, he was so embarrassed!” Another partygoer added, “He had to walk away to collect himself!” All the action prompted the couple to exit early at 10:15PM. “She may be too much for a mild-mannered boy like JC to handle,” the source added. “She was just on fire!” [Popdirt]

At first I thought Eva might be dating this guy to get a career boost, but now I think it might be the other way around. JC, JC, JC. Send us some photos, Vaato!

Oh more thing! I got my hands on the OYE Mag layout, so be expecting those soon. Eva is doing a lot of layouts these days b/c she also in Nov’s Unleashed Mag. I have photos, but they are not Bastardly quality just yet. Will need to hit up Barnes & Noble this weekend, yo!

*Thanks to Sams for the photo!

Britney & Genius Kevin Federline Honeymoonin’

 around evening with martini & women in hand by 9

Brit & Kevin
Photo taken by some tourist, I presume. Anyway, Kevin Federline is rollin’ in his new watch, hat, ring & pants—all paid by Britney Amex! God, what a lucky son of a bitch!!!

Or maybe he did pay for it all? Either way, I think it’s the same. Here’s some old news:

To make him feel better about himself and not like the poor relation with minimal talent, a ratty moustache and two kids by another woman, Britney’s given him $2.3m. This we learn are the proceeds from the sale of their wedding photos.

Here’s how Brit justifies the money she gave her amazingly intelligent hubs.

Here’s the money, because I wouldn’t have had it if I hadn’t married you. [Anorak]

She wouldn’t really have said that, right?

As for the watch he’s sportin’…

Britney Spears has splashed out more than £65,000 on a Rolex watch for husband Kevin Federline. Kevin reportedly loves it so much he even sleeps in it reports the Daily Star. Britney told friends she wanted to buy him something he’d want to keep as a “love token.” [Ananova]

A love token he’ll gladly pawn once he leaves Brit a few months down the road.

Sharon Osbourne Hates Paris Hilton (A Little)

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Kelly Osbourne on the Howard Stern Show Promoting ‘Life As We Know It’

I was at the Teen Choice Awards with Kelly and little girls were screaming over Paris Hilton. A fucking piece of scrawny old grizzle who’s only famous for sucking cock in a home-made porn video. My kids are good role models. [contact music]

Those are some kind words by Mommy Osbourne. Jeez, man. If I didn’t know better, I’d assume Paris banged Ozzie to deserve that kind of verbal pounding. Anyway, we would kindly like to remind Mrs. Osbourne that even though we love & respect her far more than camera whore, Paris Hilton, she is incorrect. Let’s not forget that very recently (within the last couple months), Kelly Osbourne was in rehab for sucking down 50 chocolate covered vicodins (per day @ 3 bucks a piece) & her son was also in rehab recently for some sort of drug abuse. Dude, I don’t know what’s worse? Sucking cock or crazy rich kid abuse? You tell me.

Ok, this is off topic. Kelly Osbourne is not the hottest of chicks, but in a recent interview with Howard, she’s damn cool. Hilarious, to say the least. Apparently she has a new show on (sorry, I have yet to watch it) & she plays the “fat girl” who deals with the social bullshit that comes with being semi-obese in our superficial society (don’t you love it, though?). If you people have a chance to check out the interview, you must! The entire interview was pretty much Kelly dodging Howard’s sexual questions. Before watching this interview, I always thought she was nother annoying, rebellious rich kid, but that is not the case, my friends. She is very smart & just like her daddy, it’s all an act. She understands the world all too well & doesn’t give a shit what you think about her figure, her life or her work. Rock on, baby!

This One’s For The Lydeees: Mark Wahlberg

 late in the afternoon while still at work by 2

Ow!
New Kids On Da Block, baby!

Apart from knowing who Marky Wahlberg voted for this past Tuesday, we suspect he might be going crazy…

I definitely have my own kind of philosophy. It’s changed over the years. I was certainly on the darker side at one point. I didn’t give a fuck or think that anything mattered - it was all about cruelty and manipulation.

Uhh-huh, uh-huh. What about cruelty and manipulation, Marky? The entertainment industry? The fact that you’ve manipulated countless chicks, slept with them irregardless of their marital status & then in a heartless fashion dumped them for guys like us to catch on the rebound?

That was me straying away from church and my faith, getting into trouble and turning to other things for comfort. But now it’s all about love and compassion and forgiveness. For me, it’s all about Jesus. [Ireland Online]

Oh boy. Girls, this is the time you’ve all been awaiting. Marky-Mark is sexually vulnerable at the moment. If you want to sleep with him, find the guy, then:
1. State that you need assistance understanding Christianity (over dinner)
2. Ask him if you can see his religious books in his house
3. Then ask about the book he’s reading right before he goes to bed
4. Once in his bedroom, proceed to slowly strip & allow an even greater power overtake him—the power of Male Horniness.

Annoying Aaron Carter To Get A Beatdown!

 after a late four martini lunch by 268

Meet:
Bastard Carter
Son of a bitch Aaron Carter

Hulk Hogan!
The One & Only Hulk Hogan! Fear him

Brooke Carter
Brooke Hogan - Pop Star(?) & Daddy’s Girl

So what’s up with this? There’s a love triangle (Hulk Hogan is not included in this triangle, you sickos!). Aaron Carter is a true player and I don’t blame him for enjoying the fruits of his brother’s fame. Anyway, he was apparently sleeping with Brooke Hogan (big mistake: 1) she’s Hulk Hogan’s daughter & 2) Hulk Hogan is her Father), but now he’s going to dump her for an upgrade (more on the upgrade later). What does The One & Only Hulk Hogan have to say?

I know this isn’t your first barbecue brother. But you better act like you don’t know how to cook, or it’s going to be curtains for your skinny little ass! [Wrestle Board]

To tell you the truth, I didn’t really understand Mr. Hogan’s response, but I can tell that he wants to kick Aaron Carter’s ass. I say get that little bitch in the ring, arrange a PPV thing and show all of us that The Hulk still knows how to regulate! Pop those pimples on that bastard’s face!

Ok, why dump Brooke and risk your life??

Meet: Tropic model Monique DeCormier…

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Cheating With Eva Longoria…Damn Him!

 late in the evening by 22

Neighbor: Eva-Eva, look what happened when I was cutting the lawn. A splinter…

Eva Longoria Desperate Housewives

Eva: Let me see…hmmm, yes, you’re right. That looks reeeal bad. Hmm, what can we do?

Eva Longoria Desperate Housewives

Oh I know! Let me put my own disinfectant on it—my tongue & my lips. Ok, how does that feel?

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