Posts from July 2014

Vibe Award Stabber: Rapper, Young Buck of G-Unit

 around evening with martini & women in hand by 10

Young Buck
G-Unit’s Young Buck (a.k.a. David Darnell Brown) wanted for stabbing the bastard who punched Dr. Dre

Dude, Young Buck let his emotions get a hold of him. He had good intentions, but those pesky video cameras got the best of him. If caught, Young Buck has a lot of shit riding against his ass. We’re talkin’ couple of drug arrests, as well as busts for domestic assault and driving without a license. ‘Driving without a license’?! Where did that come from?

Since we try to report raw info, we go straight to the G In Da House Message Board where we have various 15-year old kids following the story. One kid named “Shizzle” says:

WHAT UP YALL I HEARD ON THE RADIO THIS MORNING, THAT AT THE VIBE AWARDS LAST NIGHT AS DR. DRE AND HIS WIFE WERE STANDING THERE RIGHT BEFORE HE ENTERED THE STAGE A GUY WALKED UP TO HIM AND STARTED TALKING TO HIM AND THEN THE MAN STARTED SWINGING ON HIM AND I GUESS YOU KNOW THAT G-UNIT WENT TO WORK………..NOW IN THE MIST OF THIS SOMEBODY GOT STABBED BUT THEY HAVEN’T SAID WHO, SO LET’S JUST PRAY THAT IT’S NOT YOURS TRULEY, A MOMENT OF SILENCE PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!! I WISH THEY COULD ALL JUST STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!!!!!! [G In Da House]

Another wise 12-year old, code named, Blah, gives his 50 cents:

gunit young buck stabbed (Jimmy James Johnson) the guy that hit dr dre. now young buck has a warrant out for him. mr johnson is friends with Suge Knight. mr johnson has a collapsed lung and is in criticle condison. so thats all i know right now

Oh yeah, you can also check out All Hip Hop for the latest if Blah & Shizzle don’t cut it.

Believe what you want. We just create gossip.

Mandy Moore & Jenny McCarthy @ The AMAs

 in the middle of the afternoon by 8

Mandy Malfunction
Mandy’s weak version of the classic Wardrobe Malfunction.

Come on now, Mandy. You can do better than that! Both ladies are lookin’ oiled up for the wild after-parties that traditionally follow the AMAs. I wonder who had the best of Mandy this special night?

Calling all intelligent, witty, and lets just face it, dirrrrty minds out there!

 after a late four martini lunch by 2

Now that the first design for Bastardly.com has hit the market … I’m already thinking of plans for our next Bastardly shirt. I think its a full proof plan to get everyone involved and participating … since without you lovely audience members out there in the land of the world wide web, (yes this also includes Steve, the bastard I’ve never met and HATE with every inch of my body, which by the way his penis will never even come close to … I would like to keep the void between us farther than it already is … maybe you should move to one of your like ten houses in other countries that you brag about owning since you are waaaay too superior for us lesser folk) we wouldn’t have Bastardly to begin with.

The humble beginnings of Bastardly was founded upon the basis of … lets just talk shit to each other and still keep in touch since we all live so far apart. In the early days … Yes Moe did have a section where he had certain quotes from people we knew in the corner and I would seriously laugh my ass off reading them. So then I thought to myself … Why don’t we feature a really good quote from our readers? Maybe have a series of shirts that have those thought provoking quotes … It makes the shirt more Bastardly … if you know what I mean.

So come one come all … to the battle of the quotes!!! Let the games begin!! Don’t be afraid to leave a comment … cause hey … It might make you famous!!

Eva Longoria Dumps JC Chasez for Stephen Kay!

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 21

Eva & Stephen
11/16/04 - Is this a PR stunt or what? Stephen Kay looks like a cross between Tommy Lee & a So Cal skater.

Ok, this is kinda weird considering we saw photos of her with JC about a month back. Eva, I have to say, very smart move. You saw your Bastardly Rating & took our suggestion to dump JC for someone actually in Hollywood. JC was weighing down Eva’s rating by 0.75 points, so her new Bastardly Rating is now 8.43! My God. Congrats for that.

Ok, enough of the small talk. So when did Stephen Kay start enjoying Eva’s sexual services? Here’s the first bit of evidence…

Emmy Award Nominee Anne Heche, Academy Award Nominee Kathleen Quinlan, Jonathan Lapaglia, Academy Award Nominee Chris Sarandon and Eva Longoria Star in “The Dead Will Tell,” a New Television Movie Inspired by the Readings of Medium James Van Praagh,
To Be Broadcast Oct. 24 on the Cbs Television Network.

And here’s the last sentence of the press release…

Stephen Kay is the director from a script by Mark Kruger, Nancy Fichman and Jennifer Hoppe. [James Van Praagh]

Son of a bitch! It’s quite possible that Eva was fooling around with Kay while she was still with J.C., but that’s purely speculation & gossip. Either way, I really think this move will work out for Eva in the long run (4-6 months). She will merely use Kay as a stepping stone into the pants & scripts of other big name directors in Hollywood.

Great work, Evs!

Angry Cameron Diaz & Justin Timberlake v. Paparazzi

 in the weewizzle hours by 25

Angry Cameron Diaz & Justin Timberlake v. Paparazzi Photos
This poor guy is like half the size of Angry Cameron. Was Cams drunk or maybe her G-string was too far up her ass wasn’t allowing her to think properly?

Ok, these photos are pretty damn entertaining, to say the least. These will surely prove to be good evidence in wringing Cammy & Trousersnake of some dough. Let’s hope the photographers are asking payment for “emotional distress.” Now, we all know how much that can cost, right?

I have two more funny photos. Check em out!

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Star Jones & The Art Of Forceful Lovin’

 late in the evening by 15

We all know that Star Jones tied the knot w/ Al Reynolds this past weekend in NYC, but there’s a mysterious aura behind Al Reynolds’ intentions. Is he lookin’ to run out the 2-year pre-nup period & then escape w/ a divorce & tons of cash or does he want to wait around for another 10 years until gluttony makes Star immobile? Who really knows and who really gives a shit, right? Right. Well, we were analyzing some intimate photos (yes we have nothing better to do) of the two lovebirds (yaack!) and we noticed that Star’s love for Al is rooted by her dominant, forceful side. To put it in simple terms: Al Reynolds is Star Jones’ bitch.

Star Jones & Big Gay Al
In this photo, Star is actually sitting on Al and has a gorilla hold on his waist. Al can do nothing but smile.

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