Posts from July 2014

Most Google’d Searches For 2004!

 while eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 0

[Click photo for large image.]
Ranked third, Christina Aguilera went through a mini-transformation is now lost somewhere under 6-feet of foundation. Hopefully she’ll resurface in ’05. (She’s also a little chubby.)

To put these searches in perspective, please note that Britney topped the list with 27 billlllyyyhon searches. Crazy, huh?

1. Britney Spears
2. Paris Hilton - Please note that 93% of ‘Paris Hilton’ searches were actually typed in as ‘Paris Hilton sex video porn’.
3. Christina Aguilera
4. Pamela Anderson
5. Chat
6. Games
7. Carmen Electra
8. Orlando Bloom - Wow.
9. Harry Potter

Via Sunday Mail

Ratings - Melissa Theuriau

 in the weewizzle hours by 38

FOR THE NUDE PHOTOS, PLEASE CLICK HERE!!

Melissa Theuriau
From Iraq to sports! She does it all, baby!

+ 7.20 - She’s no Jackie Guerrido; hair could be longer; and head larger

- 0.25 - Since she’s of European breed, she might have body hair in weird places [i.e.
armpits, bush-potential]

- 0.35 - Deduction for me having to write the last line and losing readers

+ 0.15 - She probably tans in the nude on the French Mediterranean. [Damn all rich, Jewish men!!]

- 0.08 - No boobies! But modern medicine can always solve this problem. Also, she’s fairly petite and doesn’t require huge knockers, so the deduction is not too severe.

- 0.13 - Her skull structure is too small & forces her to look too young in some photos.

+ 0.45 - She’s in the media industry so that means she’ll sleep around to get to the top! [Once again, damn all rich, Jewish media moguls!]

- 0.10 - Too much damn makeup in some photos. Cakey levels!

+ 0.25 - For that paralyzing sexy voice [listen to a sample news report]! I never knew ‘George Bush’ & ‘Iraq’ could sound so sexy!!

+ 0.15 - She’d look super hot with a bikini & a surfboard in hand.

+ 0.08 - Lips appear very deeelish.

+ 0.05 - I know other people are probably responsible for her clothes, but I think her style is excellent.

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7.27 - Strong showing from a French!

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Jenny McCarthy & Her Huge Ass Wig

 early in the evening, before sex by 8

At least I think that’s a wig.

Well, Playboy chose to go to their playmate-bench to start off 2005. Is there a shortage of beautiful women or something?! I’ve seen the spread and wasn’t too impressed, but whatevs. I personally think America’s infatuation with The Blonde is over. Paris Hilton spits on this passing infatuation every time she whores herself in front of cameras. It’s very sad. 2005 will be the year of the Latina—nothing’s wrong in hoping, right?

Oh one more thing, is it just me or does Jenny look like a fucking Barbie doll? Playboy’s army of air-brushers need to put on some kind of forced-leave program for a few issues in 2005. They take their jobs way too seriously.

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The Office Wimp

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 1

Bastards.

I leave for one day because of a maad toothache and I get slapped with a big “Wimp” Post-it behind my back. Damn them all.

The toothache wasn’t really bad, to tell you the truth. It was the painkiller. Oooh the irony! It put me & my stomach in the pits. Well, I was watching Meet the Fockers (a great movie, by the way) and half way through this movie, I was forcefully pushed on my deathbed. Within a span of 30 mins, it went from good to okay to bad to ‘God help me, I want to puke right now’.

If any of you are offered Lortab painkillers, change doctors ASAP. Those tabs were only $3.77 with the insurance, but it wasn’t worth losing around 5lbs from my already ailing figure.

Flashback: Staci Keanan as Nicole Bradford

 late in the evening by 7

awh....so cute!

Staci Keanan, the darling Nicole Bradford, of My Two Dads. Sure she did Step By Step, portraying Dana Foster for all those years after My Two Dads got cancelled but we still all remember her as that sweet girl who showed up at Michael and Joey’s sweet loft. Let’s recall that cool seat that was in the shape of a car! You know you remember that! But anyways, as Staci grew older we saw her develop from an adorable teen to a striking young woman…but after Step By Step what the hell happened to her?!?! Well, we can’t really say but here we have pics to show her progression…damn, talent that’s been done wasted.

Staci! What happened to you!?!??! Where’s that cute Nicole Bradford we all want to reminisce about?!?!?!?

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Ratings: Brenda Lowe

 in the weewizzle hours by 23

GO TEAM GO!!!!!

+7.00 - Ai Mamacita! Ni Hao Ma?

+1.00- She’s half Chinese!!!!

+0.10 - Single ( According to the official website of the Miami Dolphins).

-0.55 - She got the Asian-sized breastsessess.

-0.23 - Don’t know if she has a boater accent or sexy spanish accent.

-0.07 - Dolphins suck nuts! (Go Packers!)

-0.24- Haven’t actually seen her on tv in action.

+0.50 - Won Senorita Republica Deportiva 2004 (Courtesy of Univision website).

-0.15 - I have no idea what that is.

-0.03 - Can’t read any of that info on the Univision website.

-0.25 - Career goal is not to pose for Playboy or be an actress that does nude scenes.

+0.10 - Long hair to grab onto.

+0.03 - To my knowledge has not dated that tool JC Chasez.

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7.21 - Total Score

She’s half Bolivian and HALF CHINESE!!! Now I’ll have to admit there are a couple of Seagals that are pretty fine…but goodness, Holmgren should go out and sign this chick to a contract!

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The Hottest “Average” Girl

 in the weewizzle hours by 5

Face of Tomorrow is a pretty sweet website. They go into random cities around the world, take thousands of photos of a wide array of people and then let their computers work their magic. At the end, their computers compute & digitize the typical person belonging to that city.

How sweet is that?!

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