Monthly Archives: January 2005

Angelina Slowly Coming Forward…

6 comments

Half the world believes we had an affair and I’m the one to blame for his split. But the truth is I was there to try to help him through his pain. He longs to be a father and he’s been in emotional turmoil for a long time because that hasn’t happened for him. [This Is London]

I would love to trust Angie right here, but dude, this has rebound sex written all over it! Brad was down, Angie was around & boom! We have scandalous, crazy, ‘pain-exerting’ western-sex after every latenight shoot. Poor, helpless Jenn. It’s too bad she has come to the realization that she’s nothing in front of Angelina Jolie.

My prediction: These two will hook up around Junish when they’re busy plugging their new movie. All this Jenn/Brad break up bullshit will have most definitely died down by then—especially after 2005’s next blockbuster break up of Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey.

Madonna's New Company: Kabbalah, Inc.

4 comments

I’m excited about the opportunity to develop a range of beautiful products that will complement the book and continue to spread its positive messages to children. -Madonna. [Female First]

Bastardly Translation: “I’m getting old. I don’t earn as much money as I used to, so why not con unsuspecting kids into buying overpriced books & toys all in the name of God? I’m a good person. Really, I am.”

If that wasn’t enough, Madonna has gotten her hands on a huge cast (including world-renowned actress…BRITNEY SPEARS!) to produce a movie of her children’s book, The English Roses. This book is pretty much the opposite of the Christian Andersen’s The Ugly Duckling
. Madonna’s story is a “tale of a girl - based on her eight-year-old daughter Lourdes - excluded by a group of schoolmates who are jealous of her beauty.” How sweet.

NBC's Tsunami Aid Denies Bill "Dild" O'Reilly

Leave a comment

I don’t know if you guys have heard, but a rumor has been flying around. Since we have nothing better to do, we’ll help spread it. Who would start a rumor about a sick bastard like Bill O’Reilly? Well, I’ve narrowed it down to two individuals & one group: Michael Moore & that phone sex/producer Andrea Mackris lady are the two & the group is pretty much every person who didn’t vote for Bush. The scoop is simply that Bill O’Reilly was denied an appearance on NBC’s Tsunami Aid telethon for ‘unspecified reasons’. Unspecified? Surprise, surprise.

Can Bill O’Reilly be trusted with a phone anymore? Who knows. I’m sure he goes on exotic Caribbean vacations with his telephone, plastic falafel, & dildo in hand so that he may hire helpless whores to play out dirty phone sex fantasies with him. Let’s hope he pays them generously.

Anyway, I wish NBC would have let Billy do the Tsunami Aid telethon, but only on one condition—to give them clearance to tap his phone. God, just think of all the material we could have….

Bill O’Reilly: Mam’m how do you want to do it?
Unsuspecting Woman: Do what, Mr. O’Reilly?
Bill O’Reilly: You know…the fast type or the slow? [hoping she’s thinking the same dirty thoughts.]
Unsuspecting Woman: Uhhh…oh, you mean do I want to pay by check or credit card?
Bill O’Reilly: Damn! [hangs up and quickly goes to next caller w/ his fingers crossed.]

God I’m sad.

A Bastardly Future Seen By The N.I.C.

Leave a comment

Nat’l Intelligence Council reports that by the year 2020, the world’s political & economic landscape will be alarmingly different (basically, the U.S. will not be the center of everything). They went as far as to say that there will be “impacts potentially as dramatic as those in the previous two centuries.”

Well, if you’re into boring economic reads, check out the following by WSJ’s Joseph Schuman.

Pages: 1 2

Ricky Sarkany & The Art Of Sexiness

7 comments

The average guy should be very thankful for fashion designers like Ricky Sarkany. This Argentinean designer understands the female body a little too well. You can check out his designs & hopefully purchase a few items at his website.

Please remember that we love receiving photos of girls modeling any designer items we feature on Bastardly.com (yes, even miSs!).

Browse through the next few pages to see some hot designs Ricky featured at this year’s show in Sao Paulo.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6

Prince Harry Attends 'Evil Political Movements' Costume Party

4 comments


Read the story here.

Cut the guy some slack. Who knows what the theme of the costume party really was? I read at The Sun that it was a toss up between an SS & a Nazi uniform.

Apart from being really young, it’s not like he’s smart or anything. Why bother with useless books & history classes when you already have millions in the bank, right?! Irregardless, it’s pretty obvious that he did this for dumbass shits & giggles. Just because someone puts on a fucking costume doesn’t mean he necessarily agrees with the ideology that comes along with it. Then again, he’s Dianna’s son & has ‘Prince‘ in front of his name. The ruthless Brit tabs will give the poor guy shit for combing his hair the wrong way, so as Mr. T would say, “I pity the foo!”

In order to restore his image, P. Harry should…

1. Donate a shit load of money to the Tsunami victims (you know, build a few houses, schools, etc)
2. Find a hot Jewish chick to be by his side during his ‘big’ apology.
3. Give a few bucks to Jewish causes
4. Date only hot Jewish chicks for the next 9 months.
5. And since it’s worked for everyone in the past, he might as well hate on those pesky Palestinians.

P. Harry, don’t listen to most of the bullshit. Just take this as an opportunity to explore the Jewish female community & maybe read a few pages in your history book.

To All You Chikas: Sex Toy Parties

10 comments

For the last week or so, there has been a lot of giggling going on at my workplace about this party organized only for chicks. You don’t have to think too long or overhear too many conversations to realize that the root of it all is merely one of those ultra shady, sex toy parties. You know, the ones hosted by some saleswoman who tries to make a few bucks off average women who wouldn’t be caught dead at stores & websites selling sexual paraphernalia.

Side not to all this: NO, I HAVE NOT BEEN TO ONE OF THESE! Damn you for thinking such a think!

So anyway, at what point does a girl/woman decide that it’s time to organize or hit up one of these parties?

1. Is it when sex is simply no longer enjoyable?
2. Possibly when she’s getting ready to boot her man and is merely stocking up to carry her through lonely times?
3. Or maybe it’s out of pure desperation? (e.g. your marriage has reached such a low that you think if you can find the right sex toy, you just might be able to jumpstart it again. Riiiiigght!)
4. Of course, we cannot forget the last two: You’re A) lesbian & B) don’t trust anyone but yourself.

I know there are experts out there, so sound off, my sistahs!

1 2 3 4 5 6 … 8