Posts from September 2014

Drunk Tara’s Boobies Up For Grabs!

 in the weewizzle hours by 17

Tara Needs A Man

If you’re looking for a girlfriend and if you think that Tara is the girl for you, we’re gonna start a campaign. We’re gonna launch ‘Tara’s Search for Love’. -Ellen DeGeneres [Hollywood.com]

First of all, why would a heterosexual woman go on a lesbian’s show to ask for assistance in marriage?! Why not the Howard Stern show or something? Apparently Ellen’s show’s demographic is pretty broad or maybe a bunch of dudes just tuned in expecting Tara’s boobs to fall out again? Whatever the catalyst, plenty of guys have already submitted 60-second videos for Tara’s sexay bod. So what kind of guy does she want?

(I want) a nice guy. Nice, funny, good sense of humor, cute-obviously. Just a good guy. - Tara Reid.

1. Nice guy—check
2. Nice—check
3. Funny—check
4. Good sense of humor—check
5. Cute—double check, baby!
6. Good guy—check

That’s 6/6, baby! Jax, send a video in!

I’d like to say that even though Tara has gone through so much crap, I’d still marry her. Even though our marriage would be fairly short-lived, I’d still go through the process & try to milk ever ounce of Tara Dough I could. Maybe I could convince her lawyers to go to Vegas for a weekend & marry Tara w/ no prenups?! Very possible.

Oh yeah, here’s a Tara photo from the Globes a couple weeks back. Did a bird shit on her boob or what?

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Kirsten Dunst: Ugly & Cheap

 late in the evening by 13

Doesn’t a gallon of milk run around $4.15 in NYC? Poor dude was in a fucking wheelchair, too! Who really cares if he’ll drink it away by the end of the day?

If you’re earning millions & you see a homeless guy, give at least a fiver or simply use the “You don’t exist; therefore, I don’t see you” tactic.

Paris Hooks Up With D.A. & Escapes Jail Time

 while thinking about eating a Bastardly Certified lunch by 4

The evidence presented is not of such convincing force that a reasonable and objective jury would unanimously agree that the suspect is guilty. [MSNBC]

And all this time we thought there was a surveillance video. I guess the video falls under the “Burn-all-video -evidence-if -Hilton-family -agrees-to-put-my-kids- through-school” category.

Who does she think she is? What is the D.A. thinking that they’re letting her get away with this? -Jerry Castro, Newsstand Owner. [E! Online News]

Hmm. Judging from her whore’d-out past, I wouldn’t be too surprised if the D.A. is gettin’ a little tasty-tasty of Paris.

Why Safia Taleb al-Suhail?

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LAAAAAAAAMEEEE! I wonder if she’s following a script? Hmm.

Is that the best they could do? Seriously, man.

It’s very possible that all the hot, Iraqi chicks were too scared to show face & risk the lives of every family member & friend to the hands of those bastardly terrorists.

I would love to know how Bush & his gang bribed this chick into flying all the way over here w/ colored index-finger & all.

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Angelina’s Humanitarian Work Continues…

 late in the evening by 3

Is that woman on the right a queen? Well whoever she is, if she was about 30 years younger, this photo would be sweet. I know, I’m horrible.

If I’ve had a few months I’m having trouble going back to work because I’m finding that my time at home with my son and taking him around and traveling to UNHCR programs or other parts of the world is just more fulfilling and more interesting to me and I know is more important.

I can’t find anything that interests me enough to go back to work. I’m simply not excited about anything. I’m not excited about going to a film set. At the same time I know that by doing a film and making money and remaining in the public eye [,] I’m able to fund more programs and I’m able to bring more attention. So I know I have to do both. But it is hard to go back to work. [Ananova]

Well said. Reading quotes of her passionately talking about her work makes me seem so small & worthless. It’s kind of sad, but it’s the reality. Hopefully one of these damn days I’ll get off my bloody ass & do something selfLESS. Donating money is one thing, but getting your hands dirty is a whole another deal.

What follows are some photos from a trip she recently made to the Middle East.

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Eva Longoria Joins The Sentinel Cast

 late in the evening by 5

Just as predicted in our Eva Longoria Ratings, this woman is sleepin’ around & makin’ the right moves! We’re very happy for her.

Production Weekly reported yesterday that Eva joins a blockbuster cast that includes the old geezer, Michael Douglas (yes, he’s still sleeping with bloody Catherine Zeeeeta Jones), Kiefer Sutherland, and wrinkly-old Kim Basinger.

Very nice, very nice—for Eva, that is. Unfortunately, Eva is purely a skin & ass play & therefore she will have the job attracting that critical 18-34-year old, horny, male (redundant?) demographic. It should be interesting as I’m sure this very demographic has a tremendous amount of pent-up hatred for Mr. Douglas and his bastardly relations with Mrs. Jones. Damn him to hell! I still think she’s wasting her best years, but I digress.

Potential scandal to spur from the set includes a possible relationship between Eva & M. Douglas. Eva just might be the long-awaited catalyst who will create The Rift. We all know that Michael Douglas likes ‘em young & beautiful! With that, I�m not sayin� that one woman is better the other; I�m just sayin� that if an opportunity arises & sex is involved, Eva will be all over it!

You can learn more about the film’s plot @ Film Force.

Keanu Definitely NOT In The Matrix

 in the middle of the afternoon by 22

Keanu

Either that, or he’s in his Bill & Ted’s state where he just smoked four joints before heading to the Hollywood Walk of Fame reception.

While we’re talking about Keanu, I gotta get one thing out. A lot of my friends give me shit for it, but I have to admit, Keanu is a great actor. The guy gets the roles & brings home the bucks, so cut the guy some slack, all you Keanu-haters. Sure, at times he sounds like a retard when he spits out some his dialogue, but no one’s perfect, baby. Yes girls, not even fucking Brad Pitt!

Anyway, congrats to him for the big staaa!

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