Posts from July 2014

Aaron Carter One Step Closer To A Crack O.D.!


Is weed even a ‘drug’ anymore?!

These pics were taken in the summer of 2003 & later sold to the Enquirer by one of Aaron’s bastard friends. Apparently, Aaron recently told People Mag that he didn’t do drugs, so I’m thinking he quit weed sometime in ’04 & simply isn’t aware of the fact that snorting a dried mixure of meth & crack up his nose twice a day is considered a drug addiction.

What’s the over/under on how long it will take Aaron Carter to call it quits in life & Nick Lachey to ditch Annoying Jessica Simpson (also sleepign w/ the Blow monster) for a hotter chick?

One more funny pic follows.

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Annoying Jessica Simpson’s Crack Habit Revealed

This was found on Paris’ hacked Sidekick. Jessica should know that sniffing cocaine up her nose will make her lose lots of weight & make her already large boobies look massive….

Quote: Date Sun, 2 Jan 2005 22:28:25 -0800 Show full headers
From
Lindsay Lohan

To Paris
Subject Private

Jessica simpson was just totally doing blow in bathroom @ bar downstairs of shoreclub
-god bless

Quote: Quote: Date Mon, 3 Jan 2005 00:52:46 -0800 Show full headers
From
Lindsay Lohan

To Paris Hilton
Subject Re: Private

Saw her in bathroom w. 6 girls wiping her nose I was in shock and my driver told doc my bodyguard that she was asking for it when she was here 2 months ago! I was lioke no, he was like yes she was and then I saw her and nick fighting and he was looking up her nose and she came out b4 the other girls that she was w.
On Mon, 3 Jan 2005 12:40 am, Paris Hilton wrote:
>How do u know?
>-parishilton
-god bless
lindsaylohan

tsk tsk, Jessica!

Son Of A Bitch Bruce Willis


From Sin City [trailer]. If you’re wondering, the trailer is pretty solid& definitely worth watching!

Here’s 70-year old Bruce Willis getting his mack on with Jessica Alba. Dude, Bruce Willis a dirty-dirty man. The only reason I say that is because I am extremely jealous of the fact that he probably had sex with J. Alba about three times during the course of the movie. Damn him.

Apart from him getting a piece of Jessie (maybe a few pieces), I’ve heard this guy gets around the hot, young girl circuit very nicely! Can you really blame him? Michael Dougy was in the same position until he went off and imprisoned Cathy Z. Jones, but I think the hot, young girl circuit is better off with Michael in a stable marriage than him showing off his shriveled up, 80-year old, naked bod to innocent 25-year olds (sorry for creating that horrible image). It’s just the 25-30-year old male population that’s missing out on Cathy’s prime.

Damn Bruce Willis & double-damn Michael Douglas!

Christina Aguilera Eats Nicole Richie!


The Robert Cavalli store opening in Beverly Hills

Phase-Change-Christina tried her best, but Nicole Richie dodged very nicely as you can see.

Since I know we’ve all experienced overly aggressive huggers in our lifetime, I’ll give a couple pointers on aggressive-hugger defensive mechanisms.

1. Take a deep breath just in case you experience a hugger who has a reputation for giving long hugs & having breath that smells like a dirty, Mexican restroom.
2. Remain loose b/c stiffness only makes you more prone to hug-injury & awkward situations!

TNN: Tara Reid, Nick Lachey & Nick Caaataaah

Tara Reid

1. Tara still has amazing boobs that are scarred-up once fully exposed.
2. Probably drunk right now.

Nick Carter

1. Still depressed over being used & abused by Paris Hilton
2. Embarrassed w/ his new tat on his hand (haha. what a goober! He was gonna fall in love with fucking PARIS HILTON!)
3. He has downgraded in the woman department (‘downgraded’ is heavily emphasized)
4. Possibly dealing drugs on the side to support himself.

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Lack Of Hot Lawyers & Jacko’s Lucky #s


Meet Mr. Wrinkle

There are no hot lawyers. Again. The O.J. trial had bloody Marsha Clarke who went through like 5 hairstyles, but still couldn’t look hot. Who does the Michael Jackson trial have?! 450-year old Tom Sneddon. This dude might collapse during cross examination, so I hope Santa Barbara County has a strong bench.

Now, let’s move to Michael’s lucky numbers.

With the jury selection finally coming to an end yesterday, Michael Jackson’s trial will hopefully start up soon (hopefully). The official numbers were 8 women & 4 men & ages ranging from 20 to 79! Here’s what we’re dealing with:

One of the jurors had been asked during selection if he recognized celebrity witnesses in the case including self-help guru Deepak Chopra. He responded, “I think he’s a rapper.” [Yahoo! News]

Oh boy! This is gonna be a wild-wild ride!

Upon further analysis, I have to say that women will be more sympathetic to Michael than men. I reached this conclusion from reading a lot of useless crap & listening to countless bastards spout-off on CNN & Fox News.

You see, men become disgusted by the mere scent of molestation—in their mind, if you’re accused, you’re guilty. With women it’s much different. They can absorb all the drama much better than men. They’ll see the black hearts of those gold-digger moms, as well as the innocence of the blackmailed children. It’ll pretty much come to do a women jurors’ ability to understand the various women who will be on the stand. And, if you’re wondering who will be the lead juror, you better bet your ass it will be one of those 8 women!

Those jealous & racist bitches (the cops) who are trying to frame Michael are in for it now. Let’s hope they get dragged into court & stripped of all their assets once Michael sues their asses.

Pamela To Start Doing Straight Up Porn Soon

Just like 5 months ago when her book came out, she was all about the fucking Bible & taking care of her kids & now she’s hanging out with camera whores (Paris) and even dressing like one (above). Dude, if I saw her on the street, I would totally think it was some MILFy whore lookin’ to earn a few bucks.

Pam should realize that she now has:

1. Old woman skin
2. A sagging boob job (time for a recharge, baby)
3. An incoming double chin

The good ‘ole days are gone. Please transition into “respectable has been looking for a job in the pornography industry once my Vegas slot machines grow old” mode.

Thanks to the amazing Mui from Socialite’s Life for this one!

If your eyes can handle it, there’s a full body shot on the next page. Godspeed!

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