A Moment Of Silence For Paris Hilton's Bitch
Well, at least something affiliated with Paris is guaranteed a spot in heaven.
Monthly Archives: February 2005
Sad, Sad Day: Jessica Alba Stops Sleeping Around!
Can you believe it?! I think a tear fell when I read that (it probably had something to do w/ the God-awful scan above). I never knew J. Alba whored herself around to every eligible bachelor in Hollywood. She slept around for the sake of ‘experiencing’ sleeping around. Here’s a snip from next month’s Cosmo in which she reveals some scandalous details.
I just wanted to see what it was like to be with different people. I don’t think a girl’s a slut if she enjoys sex. I would have a one-night stand, and I’m not the kind of girl who looks over in the morning and is like, Do you really have to be here? I don’t need to cuddle and do all that stuff because I know what it is and I don’t try to make it more. I feel like a lot of women try to make it into more, so they don’t feel so bad about it just wanting to have sex. I don’t really have a problem with just wanting sex. Never have. Even when I was a virgin and wanted to marry the first guy who I slept with, I never passed any judgments about that. But now I’m done [with dating around]. -Cosmo’s Interview in their March Issue
Damn Jessica for letting self-respect & her conscience convince her to stop sleeping with a new man every other week.
Now she’s dating some dude named CASH! Who names their kid CASH?! Maybe he went to the DMV & changed it himself so he could pick up on hot, rich, superficial broads?
Truly a sad day, I tell you. I didn’t even know that she was a virgin when she was with that Dark Angel co-star, for God’s sake! That bastard got first dibs on one of the hottest pieces of asses in the industry. It’s too bad (for him) that she left his ass.
Anyway, since this is such a tragic day, I’m going to follow up with a photo tribute of Jessica Alba. Hold back your tears, guys.
ATTN: Sexually Tensed Women! Read & Rise Up!
WHY DOES THE SCENT OF A MAN’S COLOGNE MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU WANNA JUMP HIS BONES? I mean, I just don’t understand it. Sometimes I try so hard to be a good girl…really I do. But it makes it so hard when you have this hunk of man standing holding you, just staring into your eyes and rubbing your back. Let me paint a mental picture for you…I’d say he’s about 5’11” 165 lbs of muscle, brown hair, beautiful green eyes, light skin, hispanic, and It’s hard to be a good girl with all that juiciness going on…but does he really have to smell so good, too? Geez…I tell you…I was so ready…but wasn’t at the same time. I hadn’t thought about that in a long time…and he just brought it right back up…all the memories, and his beautiful green eyes…OH LORD WHY CAN’T I JUST FORGET ABOUT THIS MAN????? AAAAHHHHH…. Okay…I’m settled now..sorry about that. My friend said that there was so much SEXUAL TENSION between the two of us, and that it was crazy to believe we had known each other for all that time and have never had sex. Believe me, I want to…but it’s always the wrong timing… We hardly ever have the time alone. We definitely need to make time. I’m tired of this waiting game… [continue reading]
I occasionally read this blog at work & come across some really interesting things. I’ve been meaning to plug the blog & this particular post, but didn’t really have a good way to introduce it until now. I figured the best introduction was the post itself! Anyway, one important point to take home is:
My, my. Jodie Sweetin From Full House!
Like a lot of Americans, I used to tune in for Full House on Friday nights—almost as religiously as Airwolf & Bionic Woman (two of my other favs). Of course, my eyes were either on Candace Cameron (although I thought she was chubs for 90% of the time) or Lori Loughlin (John Stamos’ hot wifie). But, who the hell knew that bloody Jodie Sweetin (Stephanie) would turn out to be super hot?! My God.
One important thing to take note of here. I know Jodie probably makes a nice chunk of change off royalties now that Full House plays in every country around the world, but she must be a little pissed that she wasn’t a bit younger during the show. What I mean is that the Olsen twins went on to become millionaires selling clothes, movies & makeup, but Jodie probably went back home to lead a normal, life that every other b-rated star ultimately leads. That’s a little fucked up, right? The Olsen monkeys could have at least asked Jodes to play some sort of role in their company. Selfish bitches.
The photos you’ll see below are from some old reunion they had last spring. Dude, I thought I was good at gauging hotness-potential (def. where you look at someone and can tell whether they will be hot—a very bastardly technique, but hey…), but I seriously struck out w/ Jodes.
ATTN: Hot Girls & Guys Who Want Hot Girls
I wasn’t gonna write anything, but I promise this will be short.
Don’t hate on me too much, but I’m not diggin’ the ring. I know it probably cost Jordy za-zillion dollars, but dude, it’s too much! Wait—is there ever too much in the diamonds & ring biz?
It’s safe to say that it’s well worth the ticket into Christina’s life & bank account. What more could you ask for?! A hot girl w/ a shit load of money! Rock on, Jordy!! You better have a great anniversary present or it’s outs for you, kiddo.
Olsen Twins Thinking Dirty Thoughts
You see, kids! Even if you have all the money in the world, you’ll always have something on your mind.
Paris Hilton's Life Sidekicked On The Net
I gave her my number after we met in Miami, I did not know she f**king kept it on her cellphone! -Random star [Drudge Report]
Al Qaeda is planning it’s next target on U.S. soil, so naturally our boys @ the FBI are racing around the country trying to figure out who hacked Paris’ Sidekick & showered the internet w/ all her personal information. Well, since all this information is out there anyway, why let some 15-year old hacker’s work go to waste, right? Here’s what we have on the menu.
1. Photos that Paris took of herself. Surprise, surprise.
2. How about Lindsay Lohan’s number? It’s 347-596-9990 (I tried calling & for some reason, it’s some dude’s voicemail). Oh yeah, Usher’s email (for all you girls out there) is crusher@tmail.com—actually that was his email until earlier today.
3. Lastly, we got some text messaing in Paris-Speak. I read a few enteries & they’re pretty worthless.
I can’t guarantee those links will stay up too long & please be aware that there might be some nudity on that page you already clicked on.
Check out more photos on the next page.
Ow! Pancake, Butta, Egg & Syrup!
Ok, I know at least 2 or 3 of you guys just yacked when you saw the photo, but I swear to God, it tastes really good! That was actually Saturday morning breakfast.
Usually I go w/ the 2-egg omelet that’s packed with mushrooms & various other veggies, but yesterday I decided to be a little brave. It was better than I expected, but I think I over did it with the syrup.
Any other secret recipes out there that sound super gross on paper, but taste heavenly? Dude, hook us up some international flavs (e.g. Brazil, Japtown, Chinatown, etc.)
If Paris Hilton Interned @ The Strip Club…
She has done porn, so why not add stripping to the scandalous resumé, right? I’m sorry to say this, but I don’t have much info on these photos. Although I could swear I saw them floating around some time last year. It appears the set is from some party, but it’s highly doubtful she’d do what she’s doing w/ cameras around. Ok—I take that back. She makes videos of herself doing suckie-suckie, so in comparison, these photos are pretty harmless.
It looks more like a photo shoot of some sort. More info later—for now, feast your eyes on Ms. Paris Hilton, the stripper!
Latoya Jackson Is Still Really Ugly
First of all, what the fuck is Joey thinking, man?! It goes to show that NSYNC was all about Justin Timberlake & the other guys were just fillers. It’s really sad how they’ve (Chris is on the next page) already reached such a low, has been status in the entertainment industry. Thank god for those royalties!!
Then again, the NSYNCers are in a good position, if you think about it. All the chicks that used to masturbate to each & every NYSNC song/poster/interview are now growing up and almost of legal age. You figure, probability wise, 1 out 10 of those chicks will be super hot, so in about 2 years, I expect at least two of these guys (if they play their cards right) to have an amazing girl (Justin included). Why the hell you think Justin Timberlake is killing time with bloody Clown-faced Cameron Diaz?! The guy is lurking, my friends!
Now, let’s all grab our airplane vomit bags & try to analyze Latoya Jackson (don’t stare too long, now). My god, she’s truly a work of art, isn’t she? The nose, the boobs, the neck….I could go on, but I’ll let everyone else take a stab at this beauty.
Check out the pic with Chris from NSYNC on the following page. Did Chris gain like 60lbs?! haha.